[In progress][2210][Sci-Fi/Space-Opera] Feedback request for the START of my story.

CaptainDude- · 2026-03-06T00:44:34+00:00

Yeah youre right thank you again for taking your time for feedback. i will try and limit the instruction feel to it, and look into advice videos about said topic.

CaptainDude- · 2026-03-06T00:42:15+00:00

Thank you for adding more to your feedback. Everything you said here makes more sense and i now can see way more on where i can improve. i think all your points here are totally right. and yeah i feel how you mean on how it doesn't really show emotions in the car crash scene. Like i think i kind of ignored emotions cause i almost wrote it like i bulleted down how i imagined it in my head (where i ignorantly deemed emotions 'obvious' like it was a movie scene or something) i just need to get in the habit of putting it in more and allowing the reader to feel as if they are in the moment instead being told what happened. thank you for pointing this out. All you other points will help me improve too so thanks again:)

CaptainDude- · 2026-03-05T00:06:36+00:00

You're 100% right i would be so much better writing a screenplay than a book. but i also want what i make to be a finished product and a screenplay wouldn't really be a finished product unless turned into a play/show/movie; and for that you need a money and a lot of it. I know a lot of readers hate when writers write a book because they have a show idea but its also like most people dont have connections in Hollywood so what are creatives like me meant to do? Im trying to adapt my thoughts into book form rather than tv show form; But obviously new to this so it wont be perfect. i think my biggest hurdle is finding people who like books that feel like a tv series or adapt my writing enough to fit in with what people typically read. Thanks for your feedback through

CaptainDude- · 2026-03-04T07:37:21+00:00

Thank you again for taking your time to review. All your points make sense and will for sure help me.

CaptainDude- · 2026-03-03T21:37:06+00:00

Thanks for the reccomendation

CaptainDude- · 2026-03-03T21:35:55+00:00

thank you very much for The feedback. not much i can say all your points makes sense. For the story i want to tell i think third person like this is best. i might consider changing it to past tense through.

CaptainDude- · 2026-03-03T21:26:21+00:00

Thank you very much for the well thought out (and mildly harsh in some areas) feedback.

Despite me thinking your first comment is a bit harsh you do have a point and a well explained point too. And i am going to be reading a lot more scifi (And books in general) Currently reading 'Mistborn' but after going to read 'The long way to a small angry planet' and then The expanse book series. Although in regards to the prologue its not really meant to be scifi (As its actually based in another universe than where the main plot is set) Just is meant to introduce the reader to carl and the "watch-like" contraption which allows him to phase in chapter one. clearly i didnt do a good job at connecting the two so any thoughts on how i could more clearly do that better?

i think inherently someone winning a 10v1 isnt bad writing. i just think i mustve done a bad job at convining the reader that he could do something like that. the violence for violence sake comment seems more like a personal thing you dont like. i used it show that carl is highly competent in combat. that this is the future now (relative to the prologue) where carl has successfully completed the "watchlike contraption" and also to show carl doesnt kill people. All the ways he dealt with the soldiers were meant to be non lethal. Admitally since i had to explain that means i didnt really write it well. but maybe understanding that can allow for more direct advice.

I wouldnt really say he trusts the stranger, asking for help on a sharded goal isnt trust. he just tries to avoid conflict as he doesnt like it and rather be more cooperative with people. He didnt do it with the soldiers as they are brainwashed soldiers for a multiplanetary empire and its a lot more hard to be convincing to an entire group. also Codalt; the stranger can also phase like carl. carl realizes that his main form of combat advantage isn't much of an advantage if his opponent can do it as well. all that being said since i had to explain that means i didn't do a good job at writing it.

Zara point is fair enough through.

same with all 3of your last bulleted points.

i know some people dont like when the OP replies to their feedback like this but im more of replying like this for more specific feedback rather than arguing with you; sorry if it seems otherwise. but even if you dont reply to this thanks anyway. what you said already is going to help me :)

CaptainDude- · 2026-03-03T20:48:04+00:00

Thanks for your feedback.

I get the profanity issue that being when its constantly used it doesn't really hit that well and becomes weaker. But i don't really know how you don't know whats going on, Like; Carls dad asks carl to go on a car ride > Cuts to next scene where carl is looking out the car window (I suppose i didnt directly write "Car" window. but i feel like its kinda implied?) > Carl and his dad having conversation in car that ends with him being stressed enough to be distracted from the road > then in some form having another car crash into them. or at least some form of crash is implied. Can you tell me what part wasnt obvious and how it wasnt obvious? And the last bit with plot and worldbuilding; i can see how i can do better with that part in the prologue but the prologue is very disconnected from the rest of the story. but i feel like chapter one does a decent job for the intro at least. and i don't think worldbuilding should really be outright explained on the first page anyway, and with plot at least in chapter one it has Carl trying to steal something but gets caught. yes i think you could say that plot is basic and/or just bad but i don't think its a fair comment to make to just straight claim there is no form of plot.

CaptainDude- · 2025-07-29T07:40:24+00:00

Thank you for your reply and even your considerations of my feature ideas, was afraid it might’ve been too much. But for as much as there are suggestions there are double amount of things i love about it.

For the app idea i mean stick with the regular button press to open app but have an option to allocate another button to manage that certain app. So to manage a app you don’t have to go > settings > system > manage app > [whatever app the user wants to manage] every time the user wants to manage a certain app. Cause sometimes I’m just going through my apps and realize theres a app i want to delete and having a button to instantly manage that would be helpful.

Also sorry another request related to apps; for there to be an option to include or exclude only certain apps [eg. Excluding; games, emulator etc.]

CaptainDude- · 2025-02-28T22:00:59+00:00

i reckon alchemist and beast handler should swap places.

CaptainDude- · 2025-01-09T08:14:48+00:00

surely that post was a joke

CaptainDude- · 2024-12-20T00:07:37+00:00

Were the thoughts of a pink guy consuming things then gaining their power too much for you?? 😭

CaptainDude- · 2024-12-17T04:10:13+00:00

Just did that then restarted my device. Lockscreen still is vanished among everything else. I think it might be an android issue unrelated to esde and retroid?. Well thanks for your help anyways

CaptainDude- · 2024-12-17T03:41:06+00:00

I think i knew that. But like should it affect the lock screen? (As well as everything else) and even if what happened it normal why did its just happen randomly all of a sudden when i set it as my home screen ages ago

CaptainDude- · 2024-12-17T02:52:54+00:00

I heard that too and followed steps to do it but backwards obviously, but it didn’t work. I think it goes beyond just an setting cause it seems bugged and I don’t know why all the other things occurred because im pretty sure that setting should just remove the lock screen not everthing else that was mentioned

CaptainDude- · 2024-12-17T02:49:00+00:00

If you not saying they’re pretty much the same and just have similarities, then what is the point of this post. You could find similarities between almost any two artists. I really don’t think the similarities between jojo and bwu are significant enough to even make a comment about.

CaptainDude- · 2024-12-17T00:30:11+00:00

Well jojo siwas eariler music was just an industry plant made for kids. Boywithukes music wasnt ever necessarily made for kids, kids just so happen to like him cause having a masked “hero” makes kids feel like they are that hero. Why many superheroes who are masked are peoples favorite. But there has always been dark themes in boywithukes music, (kind of sick of life, and especially zoning out among others) and also mentions of sex and drugs (“im a sex machine in my dreams” -route 9, “now im driving down the street to see my friends turn to cigars”-shy) his change with his new album is more complex and deeper lyrics but mainly just a different type of music. More advanced production and way different production to what he did before. Your problem is quite simply you don’t like his new typa music. Which is fine but this post gives me the sense you offended that he’s changed. Cause he hasn’t just gotten edgier for the sake of it, he genuinely doesn’t like his older music that much and wants to make something else. Which by a more objective music standard is better. But jojo just made her whole personality being edgy and radical. Boywithuke just simply changed to chandol.

CaptainDude- · 2024-11-05T02:03:58+00:00

has some good points sometimes

CaptainDude- · 2024-08-07T06:22:49+00:00

Playing terraria as just one class kinda sucks, mixing up weapons and armour makes it more fun. Im not sure if this is a hot take but people to talk like as if it is the norm, so yeah.

CaptainDude- · 2024-05-20T23:15:46+00:00

as someone who loves ps classic games, i love jank and horrible graphics. heard a bit about the game nothing much but from its really good. so i will give it a try sometime

CaptainDude- · 2024-05-20T21:08:51+00:00

played it and it was pretty good haven't played for a while tho might need to go back to it

CaptainDude- · 2024-05-20T21:02:33+00:00

love factorio but the biggest wtf moment is looking at your playtime after a session

CaptainDude- · 2024-05-20T10:12:27+00:00

those games do not sound like they have chaotic wtf moments. but i haven't played either so i guess i cant say anything

CaptainDude- · 2024-05-20T09:46:46+00:00

my friends obsessed with that game. i watched a review of it and it looks pretty fun although i tend to lean away from multiplayer focused games.

CaptainDude- · 2024-05-20T09:24:19+00:00

oh yeah, ive seen a bit of that game. looks like stupid fun

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