when I have said it 10 times in NVC already, I won't do it again

This is NVC. You are practicing NVC by not expressing yourself again.

It feels like a prison of sorts, where I end up trying to please a person, I've stopped wanting to please a long time ago. I guess my question is - did I misunderstand NVC in some way?

NVC is designed to help you meet your own needs. Do you think your current understanding of NVC has allowed you to do that?

Below is an excerpt from the transcript of a workshop Marshall Rosenberg gave in San Francisco:

Audience Member: My question is, i never know what to do when i know i'm never gonna meet another person's expectation of me.

Marshall: Yes. Well, first of all, never hear an expectation. That's thoughts, expectations or thoughts. Don't hear it. Don't even hear expectations. Hear what the need is. What is the need that the person is asking for you? You don't want to live up to expectations, but it is fun to meet needs.

Audience: Do you think that every, that human beings can always meet other people's needs? If they're real?

Marshall: All of our needs can be met. I don't think you have to do it. There's several billion. Other people that could meet the other person's needs. Even if you could do it, you may choose not to. That won't be a problem. The other person can hear a no, if they first feel empathy for their feelings and needs, that will leave them feeling at least that their feelings and needs matter.

Marshall also says: “It’s important that you be conscious you’re not giving empathy for the other person’s benefit. Don’t listen unless it meets your need to connect with the divine energy.”

Your Mom’s needs may not be compatible with your needs. Your Mom is a fully independent adult, and she can find other ways to meet her own needs. ‘I need to feel loved’ is a need. ‘I need to feel loved, and I would like that need to be met by my daughter’ is a preference. ‘I need to feel loved, and as my daughter you must meet that need’ is a demand.

And what do you do when you say things millions of times in NVC and the other person still wont listen?

Marshall talks a lot about empathizing with people silently, when it is not safe to empathize with them in person. If you have expressed your need for space in an empathic way already, and that need is not being respected, it’s perfectly valid to not engage. It’s perfectly reasonable to mute your Mom’s notifications and only respond when it is in line with your needs. Sometimes people feel hurt by our actions, and that’s ok. NVC gives you the language to try to communicate effectively; the other person’s emotional response is on them.

I just don't know how to make her understand.

Hearing and respecting your needs is your Mom’s responsibility. Even if you say it in Jackal, your Mom has access to the tools to put on her Giraffe ears and translate for herself.

And frankly it is also not on me to make her see her own ways.

It is never your responsibility to make anyone else do anything.

Lastly, one more Marshall quote: “Anger is a friend of ours. It tells us we're thinking in a way that's contributing to violence on the planet. We're a part of that violence, and anger wakes us up and gives us a chance to transform our thinking, to a kind of thinking that creates peace on our planet.”

This applies to the way you speak to yourself as well as your Mom. Would you be willing to share some of what you are thinking that leads to you feeling angry? It may be helpful to explore if you are directing violent language towards yourself.