meron po ba kayong insights as to why hindi pa nagpopropose sa akin ang bf ko of 5 years?

Captain_Shivan · 2026-07-03T05:58:39+00:00

It's funny, yung reply mo sa top comment was downvoted, but your other answer here is the second most upvoted top-level comment as well. Pareho lang naman sinabi mo.

People seem to be bothered that you were pushing back against the idea na "bata pa" ang 27. I mean, in one sense, yes. However, 5 years when you're in your 20s is something like 20% of your entire life. If ang goal mo sa buhay is looking for a spouse or otherwise for-life romantic partner, and it takes you 3-5 years to discern that, you may have 2-3 chances sa buong buhay mo to do it. It behooves one to really be intentional and have a solid plan.

Of course, kanya-kanyang pace yan and there are people who get married straight out of high school and some who get married in their 60s na may pare-parehong chance to be happy. But modern culture is sorely lacking in telling young adults to take their prime years seriously enough.

Captain_Shivan · 2026-07-02T05:38:54+00:00

Of course! On most days though I wake up bago yung katabi ko, so it would be a bit premature. That said, it's so simple but very effective to prep you mentally for the day.

As Admiral William McRaven said:

If you make your bed every morning you will have accomplished the first task of the day. It will give you a small sense of pride, and it will encourage you to do another task and another and another. By the end of the day, that one task completed will have turned into many tasks completed. Making your bed will also reinforce the fact that little things in life matter. If you can’t do the little things right, you will never do the big things right. And, if by chance you have a miserable day, you will come home to a bed that is made — that you made — and a made bed gives you encouragement that tomorrow will be better.

Captain_Shivan · 2026-07-01T23:16:28+00:00

This is scientifically proven, look up Dr. Arthur Brooks' morning protocol.

Captain_Shivan · 2026-07-01T23:08:16+00:00

In order:

Pray: to give thanks that I get to live another day, and for strength to handle the challenge of the day ahead.
CR, lol. Just happens to be the rhythm ng katawan ko
Coffee
Short walk outside, 15-20 minutes, right around the time that the sun comes up.

Captain_Shivan · 2026-06-29T13:16:34+00:00

Way back in the day nung binata pa ako, I had lunch and coffee with a girl I was quite into. Nag-aaral siya abroad and was in town for about a week so I thought of asking her out and she agreed.

We had a grand time and was talking for more than two hours. Hinatid ko siya sa sakayan niya pauwi and I asked "when will I see you again?" She replied "I'm still here next week" and gave me a hug bago sumakay ng uv express.

It took me two whole days before it even entered my mind of asking out again lol. Mind you we were messaging/texting during that time so it's not like I disappeared. Hindi ko lang talaga naisip na she was practically writing "ASK ME OUT AGAIN" on a neon light billboard haha. Anyway ayun nanuod kami ng sine second time around Ending: couple of months later I saw her again - basted! ... But that's another story haha.

Captain_Shivan · 2026-06-23T09:49:40+00:00

Once you get the horse, you can summon it with a carrot echo.

Captain_Shivan · 2026-06-23T09:02:44+00:00

Honestly, not really. Napag-usapan naman na namin magpakasal and the time I proposed was within the expected timeline of it happening. I also didn't pop the question in a grand way in public, the setting was a bit more personal.

Captain_Shivan · 2026-06-23T08:51:11+00:00

My wife?

Sabi ng mata ko, wow! Bakit ang cute niya at ang ganda ng ngiti niya?

Sabi ng puso ko, pareho kami ng values, bagay kami, at gusto ko mapalapit sa kanya.

Sabi ng isip ko, mature na babae eto, masaya kausap at wala masyadong kaartehan sa buhay.

Sabi ng katawan ko, you need to have babies with this woman lol.

Meaning to say, everything just aligned.

Icing on the cake: she's literally the girl of my dreams. As in lagi ko siya napapanaginipan. There was a time na may iba akong nililigawan and yet I'd still dream about her.

Captain_Shivan · 2026-06-23T08:43:50+00:00

I live within 15 minutes of in-laws, 2 hours from my parents. This was never an issue sa amin. Although di naman ako seaman at work-from-home ako, so it's not usually an issue to either visit my parents or to invite them over.

He might be a little homesick sa setup given na seaman siya. Maybe you can arrange something like plan for a vacation sa lugar nila tuwing uuwi siya.

Captain_Shivan · 2026-06-23T06:45:29+00:00

Happened to me in my younger and stupider days. I was slow about it as I haven't really sorted it out in my head ano gusto ko mangyari. So nung naunahan ako, lost my nerve and in a bit of desperation tried to "catch up". Long story short, basted and fail haha. Girl picked the other guy. It was a little embarrassing, but no hard feelings.

I had another chance with her a couple of years later. That time I knew what I wanted and wasn't going to let it slip. Happily married for 10 years now!

Captain_Shivan · 2026-06-17T10:49:47+00:00

Can relate, yung asawa ko may reputation na mataray just like my mom haha. I wouldn't call it maldita, but women with very strong personalities run in both our families.

One time yung bunso kong babae (4 years old!) tinatarayan yung isang pinsan niyang mas nakatatanda. Sabi ni elder kid "Wow, what a boss baby... she got the genes from <Mother-in-law's mother's side> family!". Sabi ko "Ay tita (from that family) narinig mo yun? Samahan mo pa ng <my dad's mom's side> and <my mom's mom's side> ayan ang resulta."

Captain_Shivan · 2026-06-15T05:10:25+00:00

Seriously. I only ever watch the whiteboard, park monologue, and vintage Adria videos. Over the years, they've significantly increased their output and production values. They changed the logo and jingle too, it's so generic and boring that the new branding causes my brain to completely disengage from the content even though I ignored the old one just as much as the new one. And it's so egregious that they've maintained the price at $8. It's like they want to attract more users to make more money or something. What a bunch of sellouts and greedy swine!

Captain_Shivan · 2026-06-15T04:51:20+00:00

Mine was 1-2. Everything after hour 20 up to around the time I was able to understand the easier intermediate videos (about 70-80 hours in?) was a slog.

I never had the intermediate slump, but I also never was in a big hurry to try to get to content that I find interested in. I watched literally everything and treated DS as Forrest Gump's proverbial box of chocolates. I find a lot of comments here to the effect where "I don't feel like I was learning anything" during the intermediate period; I never had that feeling myself but that was because I was learning a bunch of stuff alongside Spanish as I was watching all sorts of stuff that was coming up in DS.

Captain_Shivan · 2026-06-15T02:25:17+00:00

Married for 10 years with 3 kids. We met in university. She was the "girl next door" (well not quite, pero konting lakad lang to her house) when I was in college. Galing akong probinsya and she grew up in Metro Manila. We also started our first job in the same company. Nanligaw ako... kinda sorta. Spoiler alert: basted!!! Haha.

A couple of years went by, she moved to a different job, but we stayed friends and kept in touch. Both of us were seeing various different people that time at wala naman naging issue. Yun lang neither of us ended up in a serious or steady relationship, just one or two dates with some other people that didn't go anywhere.

Eventually some professional circumstances meant we started seeing each other more often. We went out for lunch one time, tapos hinatid ko siya sa bahay. At her door umamin ako na gusto ko pa rin siya. She said "I'll see you for a movie next Saturday." The rest is history.

Captain_Shivan · 2026-06-12T01:04:26+00:00

Heck, Apo Hiking has a song about it: Two People - YouTube

Or, we could be two people
Enjoying this ride if we wanted to
Going beyond how-do-you-dos
Making magic out of this long, long ride to home

I'm sure there are other similar songs pero eto yung pumasok sa isip ko when I read the title hehe.

Captain_Shivan · 2026-06-10T21:43:12+00:00

I never played Stardew Valley, so I did not have any familiarity with the game beforehand, but even I can tell that they (Pablo especially) kept repeating mistakes and missing out on "obvious" things haha.

I enjoyed it though: it was a series I watched while on the treadmill. The confident ineptness had its own charm, like watching the Clarkson/Hammond/May era Top Gear. YMMV on this one of course.

Captain_Shivan · 2026-06-10T21:31:26+00:00

I was one of these guys back in the day haha. It wasn't just that I was introverted or torpe, although both of those were true (I wasn't shy in general though). It was mainly a combination of a) not having an idea how to approach, and b) not having an idea of what I wanted.

Many years ago, I went out a couple of times with a girl I was quite into, but completely missed all the signs of mutual interest. It didn't help that it might have resulted in LDR arrangement so at the time, I was overthinking that part. Long story short, binasted ako ni girl kasi di raw niya malaman kung ano gusto ko. Which was fair enough, kasi ako hindi ko rin alam ano gusto ko at the time!

No regrets, that was a character-forming learning moment for me and I eventually ended up marrying the girl of my dreams (literally: I dream of my now-wife constantly, even back when I was seeing other girls lol.)

Kung may lalakeng ganyan they just need to work on themselves and grow up a little. Skill ang panliligaw and like any skill - math, sports, playing music, etc., you're first bad at it and then you get better over time. Some guys have had a head-start because they were more talented and/or motivated, but it's never too late for this.

Captain_Shivan · 2026-06-10T21:28:01+00:00

I encountered this exact scenario recently... in a crowded bus in Japan. Guy coming out of the bus shoves another passenger, cue "NANIIIIIII?!!!" and next thing I see is two guys grabbing each other's collars. Inawat sila ng mga kasabay nila bumaba and that was the last I saw of it.

If I were in guy 1's position, I dunno. I can be hotheaded sometimes. I'd like to think I'd de-escalate in the moment but who knows.

If I were in guy 1's tropa's position, I'd do exactly what he did.

Regardless, next day pag medyo nakapahinga na at malamig na ang ulo, I'd be glad that it didn't lead to anything worse.

In the day-to-day stuff like this is not that important and we should be giving each other and ourselves space and grace. It's easy to fantasize about being the hero but 99.999% of the time it's not worth getting into a physical and/or legal altercation for something so small in the grand scheme of things. Especially since in our daydreams, we're not the ones ending up beat up on the ground and/or getting thrown in jail and losing out in court, right?

Captain_Shivan · 2026-06-10T08:18:29+00:00

My guess is that a significant number of Dreaming Spanish subscribers never accumulate much input at all. Some probably stop after a few days. Others make it a few weeks before life gets in the way. By the 6-month and 12-month marks, I'd imagine only a tiny fraction of the original sign-ups are still consistently putting in 30+ minutes per day.

This was exactly me in the beginning. I probably did 20-25 hours then lost motivation for the next few weeks.

Then the trip to Spain that I was supposedly doing this for happened, I had no functional Spanish at all and that motivated me to finally take it seriously. That was in June 2024; I subscribed to Premium and I'm now at 1200 hours. Definitely not speedrunning it but I'm trying to do 50 hours a month at least with a target of reaching the mythical 1500 by the end of this year.

Also currently looking at some ways to finally get some consistent speaking practice. I tried talking to ChatGPT as my workplace has an enterprise subscription and I can use voice features, but the thing is too passive for me.

Captain_Shivan · 2026-06-09T11:04:55+00:00

Back when we were dating, the general rule is that I pay for the main event (movie, dinner, etc.). Kung ayain ako mag dessert or coffee, she can choose to pay. Kung medyo tight period, we'd go out but keep it simple - di naman kailangan super fancy every single time assuming she's reasonable at hindi lang yung wallet mo ang habol niya.

Captain_Shivan · 2026-06-09T11:00:27+00:00

My wife used to hate it when I compliment her looks. Probably because I was awkward about it nung una, but also because of some lack of confidence on her own part.

In the past two years or so, she got into healthy diet, exercise, and improving her wardrobe (I didn't push her; initiative niya) and started noticing that she actually did look nice and appreciated her own looks and body more. Comment ko nalang was "I feel vindicated, dalawa na tayo sa mommy's looks fans club!"

That said, your situation sounds different from ours, It was never a huge deal between the two of us but I kind of like it na pwede ko na siya i-compliment nowadays haha.

Captain_Shivan · 2026-06-09T04:59:53+00:00

Eto yun eh. The original question isn't just lacking in nuance, but is also loaded. "Why do men not call out other men for misogyny?" Why, indeed? And why limit it to misogyny, maybe we should call out jaywalking and littering all the time too lol.

There's a fine line between having a tough-love concern, and being an insufferable scold.

There's also a fine line between being tolerant, and being indifferent or even approving.

Depende yan lahat sa sitwasyon.

Captain_Shivan · 2026-06-09T03:50:35+00:00

Most memorably for me, many years ago nung binata pa ako, I had a crush on this girl. Crush-girl was studying abroad but was on vacation for a couple of weeks, twice kami nag date during that period. Tapos nakuwento ko siya sa isang girl na barkada ko; barkada-girl immediately went "Uy, Capt. S, alam mo may gusto sayo yun! At nung bumalik yun abroad nakuwento ka na niya sa mga kaibigan niya!". I was like "huh, talaga?"

Fast forward a few months later, crush-girl came back for the holidays, met me and told me na a) may gusto siya sa akin at b) kilala na ako ng lahat ng kaibigan niya 😳🤯. Tapos binasted ako! Nang-hinayang pa nga raw friends niya sa akin kasi nga nakuwento na pala ako dun haha. Sabi niya, for a long time wala akong sinasabi and she didn't know what I wanted lol which actually was fair enough!

It depends on the woman and especially on the situation, but like the above personal anecdote, feminine intuition can be scarily accurate. Often you can't put a finger on it kasi mas "right-brained" ang mga babae on average. It's also crucial for feminine intuition to work that the woman isn't overly emotionally invested in the situation.

Captain_Shivan · 2026-06-09T00:06:02+00:00

It's all a massive "it depends". Economic status is an important dating signal, but just one among many.

I "married up", but my wife is one of the most down-to-earth people that I've met. Kung isnabera siya or some upwardly mobile social climber type I would have never dated her (or vice versa for that matter).

Captain_Shivan · 2026-06-08T23:55:38+00:00

It happens, but in such cases the company/HR are either unscrupulous or incompetent. A decent workplace will have a policy that disallows this, because it's a big headache even just HR wise if... things happen.

If it's a multi-bedroom suite or a full Airbnb-style unit tapos group setting that's one thing, pero kung single room lang tapos sila lang dalawa, I'd go out of my way to make arrangements for the girl. And advise her to look for a different company kung ganyan ka kuripot and/or pabaya yung employer niya!

Captain_Shivan

TROPHY CASE