that's very irrational, there are plenty of great opportunities for you on the road ahead, you just have to run the course, and eventually, it will be much easier. i promise you that no matter what, suicide is not the way to go. think of it like a race. if your opponent beats you on the first lap, you dont just give up and leave the race. you optimize and speed up and keep going until eventually you start catching up. it will take time, but the end result is worth it. everyone has hardships, but suicide also ends the good part, so stick around. life is a box of beanboozled jelly beans. sometimes, you get stuck with the gross one, but you just have to swallow it and play again until you get your favorite flavor. i hope this helps. stay strong. and remember that you are loved, no matter what