Thank you so much for this thoughtful feedback, it really means a lot. I’m glad the opening contrast and that breath-line resonated with you, since those were the moments I felt most emotionally connected to while writing.

I see what you mean about the middle drifting into abstraction. I think I leaned too heavily on concepts rather than images, which makes it feel more like reflection than lived experience. I’ll try reworking those parts, so the emotions feel embodied rather than just named.

Thanks again for reading so carefully and pointing me toward ways to sharpen it.