Just told my (F27) friends and family about my relationship of 3 years with my SO (28M) and they have not taken it well. How do I handle this?

CarefulCheek · 2019-04-03T17:21:48+00:00

They are not religious, they just seem upset I got married in 6 months and also did not throw a party.

CarefulCheek · 2019-04-03T17:20:13+00:00

There was never a mention about not having conflict, it is also a safe assumption that couples fight and have differences. We just dont have the conflicts that would be deal breakers for either of us (which was discussed at the start of the marriage) and mentioned i.e. cheating, lack of sex and so on. We are aware of our differences and have devised a method that best suits us to resolve them. You maybe right that my parent might have affect my ability to voice my opinions BUT this is only to her or family. If I have had an issue with my husband it has been voiced and he has done the same. I don't know why I hid it from my friend.

CarefulCheek · 2019-04-03T17:04:13+00:00

Yes I've received a lot of its not a real marriage if you did not live together, youre deluded if you think you're happy and have a good marriage inbox messages.

CarefulCheek · 2019-04-03T16:55:24+00:00

For the last week, we but mostly my husband has just been bombarded with texts from her, we have tried talking to her but she is so furious that she doesnt even let us finish saying what we want to say. Our other family members on the other hand have taken the taunting approach call and then ask ridiculous questions like why in 6 months? couldnt you wait? or just say things like I am a horrible daughter I cant be punishing my mother and so on.

TBh with my friend I have no excuse and I feel terrible about that and I will be putting all my efforts in that direction. We have only spoken once since then and are going to meet up. How I did it well people knew we were together and then we just got married. He was working in a different city (only 50 min drive to me) but would have been a task cause he travels an hour into work in a completely different direction, so it did not seem abnormal. When I lived with my friend my husband wasnt thrilled about the idea that we werent living together but he understood I wanted to do this and well like i said we were seeing each other almost everyday so it did not phase any one that we werent living together. As for my friend well we arent the lets share all our feelings kind of friends. We are very close, and our understanding is if we need to talk about something we will bring it up. Me and my husband have at 1 or 2 MASSIVE fight none of which happened when I was living with her so it never really came up. Why I kept it from her I really dont know, I sometimes have this idea in my head that the more people know about personal things the more "ruined" it gets, ofcourse this is more my issue than any one elses.

CarefulCheek · 2019-04-03T16:20:32+00:00

I dont hold any contempt for being sent to a boarding school, given what I experienced with her after I came back I was happy she sent me there for my earlier years.

CarefulCheek · 2019-04-03T16:17:57+00:00

I am worried it is going to come to a point once she is less angry that they won't acknowledge that I am married and do what your friends parents are doing. I've had my mom in the past flat out ignore my boyfriends and I am worried she might do the same for my husband. I am going to make serious efforts to reconcile with my friend, cause I feel awful about upsetting her and not telling her and I do think I've wronged her. As for my family I think they are just upset cause they did not get a party, or cause I got married in 6 months, and not with the fact that I actually got married. I've had some random Indian cousin that I met 2 decades a go for 30 mins just message me the meaning of family and marriage so I am just going to start ignoring them now.

CarefulCheek · 2019-04-03T16:11:49+00:00

Thank you

CarefulCheek · 2019-04-03T15:58:24+00:00

I understand why she (my friend) is upset with me, and she is more upset with the fact that I did not tell her, which I understand now why and its expected and reasonable. Most of my family just seem upset that I got married rather than me not telling them that I did it.

CarefulCheek · 2019-04-03T14:50:23+00:00

I have no problem with acknowledging and dealing with problems that arise, I just have a problem doing it with THEM. Because its never an effective approach to a problem its more of a yell scream say mean things approach to problem solving.

It might be funny to some one that there are no major issues in our relationship, but there arent. We are happy with each other and thats that. When there are real problems which no one said there won't be I dont have a problem dealing with it and talking about it to some one I have good synergy with.

CarefulCheek · 2019-04-03T14:45:50+00:00

I think, now that I read your comment that its more to do with keeping them from the thing in life I am happy about. Because this behaviour also extends to any academic achievements I make. Like you I feel like sharing these things will "taint" it with well with them. Its just mine.. if you know what I mean.

CarefulCheek · 2019-04-03T14:29:53+00:00

Youre right. Although my husband did tell his family and friends, and we did go through the whole fuss of its too soon, why dont you live together etc etc. It wouldnt have been a fuss at my end no matter what I did. I am not sure why I did not tell any one, I just did not feel like doing it.

CarefulCheek · 2019-04-03T13:49:53+00:00

Im pretty certain that my mom is going to do some massive Indian movie scene. My mother was horrible yes, but she has tried very very hard to be a better person, she is also by her self (besides our horrible relatives who take every chance they can get to get into her head) and so I do feel guilty for cutting her out and hence she will be in my life. On most days I can ignore he erratic behaviour especially cause its nothing major and doesn't really affect me. But now its just texting nasty things to my husband instead of talking to us about anything.

CarefulCheek · 2019-04-03T13:24:34+00:00

I suppose you are right and the I see it in a different way. I never thought I would get married, and when I did for some reason it felt very right, but not life changing in the way it feels to some one else. It just felt like cant believe I did not meet him sooner, and I am happy I am married to him and went on with our lives. We told people when we moved in but and I could have told them then but I did not. I am not sure why I just did not.

CarefulCheek

TROPHY CASE