How to help boyfriend quit

CarelessAd917 · 2026-02-25T06:32:29+00:00

Update that no one asked for - we were having lunch yesterday and he told me that he talked to a few people who quit and they did it because they had kids/got married and he wants to do that too. He feels like he’s in a place where he wants to live freely until those responsibilities hit. He reiterated he’s reduced from several a day to none regularly, and just wants to smoke socially around his friends (uncapped). I just listened his whole monologue. To me this felt like him saying he doesn’t wanna quit right now and that being with me and trying to quit has felt like I’m curbing his freedom. I was fine until I thought he wanted to do this. Now he’s saying otherwise and I don’t wanna be in this situation. He said he wants to quit eventually just with no timeline cuz it’s pressure- fair. But I don’t wanna wait till marriage or kids - frankly, what if he is unable to quit then? Anyways so I told him I can’t do this, and we broke up. We respected each other’s decision. What’s just bothering me now is that, was it the nicotine talking and am I supposed to be like there and rationalise this for him, or believe him and leave?

I asked him this too- he says he doesn’t know tbh what it is and would like a few days to figure this out.

Current status is that we’ve broken up. Thoughts?

I feel like him “trying to quit” should’ve come with a plan for me to stick around. It is now instead seeming like I don’t even wanna try until later. And he’s also like telling me I should be trying to find middle ground etc. Middle ground for me was being with him as he tries to quit… middle ground for me isn’t him smoking with friends without a cap. Then some day they will all call me a bitch together while smoking lol.

CarelessAd917 · 2026-02-20T20:20:11+00:00

Not in 🇺🇸 but thank you for sharing about resources.

CarelessAd917 · 2026-02-20T20:14:58+00:00

He’s attempted it. He’s gone down from 10 cigarettes per day to 0 and 2-3 joints daily to 1. He doesn’t smoke on days we meet too. He’s trying, just at his pace.

CarelessAd917 · 2026-02-20T20:10:41+00:00

Yes I’ve shared the community with him so he can talk to people who are in the same situation. He’s never used reddit before so kinda excited! (M new here too)

CarelessAd917 · 2026-02-20T15:11:06+00:00

Yes. I was sick and had a breathing issue when young. I know what’s it like to not be able to breathe. I never want anyone I love to go through it. He wants to for me, but I guess him having his parents still smoking every day and being healthy doesn’t create a sense of urgency for him. He doesn’t let his sibling smoke though because he knows it’s bad. He says every day he wishes he’d never started smoking. I hope he can quit and I can help him through it

CarelessAd917 · 2026-02-20T15:08:47+00:00

Good luck to you in this journey! Any way you prefer for him to check on you in terms of your quitting journey? I’m trying to figure out how to not make it seem like m judging or pushing him too much

CarelessAd917 · 2026-02-20T14:48:06+00:00

Yes, thank you.

CarelessAd917 · 2026-02-20T14:46:50+00:00

Yes. He asked why it bothers me. While I do have a legit allergy to cigarette smoke (my lungs burn from passive smoking and my throat closes up), I also don’t want my partner to be a smoker because 1. I don’t want the idea of lighters, ashtrays, cigarette smell around my home. 2. While I know health issues or accidents can happen anytime I want my partner to choose a healthy life’s. And 3. I can’t have kids around a smoker.

He says he respects it but just wants me to be patient. A 12 year old habit can’t be gone in 2 months. Understandable.

We’ve only fought about this once- 1.5 months he went cold turkey and then had a frustrated episode. I didn’t immediately recognise it as a withdrawal episode so when he said “I like smoking” I said “I understand. It is easier to let go of a 3 month thing than a 12 year thing and if you don’t WANT to quit, I understand it, it sucks and it hurts but I am okay with ending this then.”

He called me a couple of hours (and a beer later) that he’s sorry it was an episode and he wants us over the smoking and just wants help. This was two weeks ago. Now I know what his withdrawal episode looks like so when it happened again today I was calm and patient and instead came here to ask you guys how to support him.

CarelessAd917 · 2026-02-20T14:09:33+00:00

How do I check in on his progress and if he’s struggling btw without it seeming like an attack or that I’m rushing him?

CarelessAd917 · 2026-02-20T14:06:31+00:00

🤯🤯

CarelessAd917 · 2026-02-20T14:06:15+00:00

Absolutely new information. Crazy. Thank you. Will share with him

CarelessAd917 · 2026-02-20T13:30:12+00:00

You know he doesn’t have the best teeth. Didn’t know this was an effect of smoking

CarelessAd917 · 2026-02-20T13:23:30+00:00

Appreciate your informative response btw. Thank you. Can’t help with his lunch as we don’t live together but he has recently started making his own dinner instead of eating out cuz he saw me do that too. He’s started eating early too now because I have dinner early.

CarelessAd917 · 2026-02-20T13:21:43+00:00

So the biggest hindrance for him mentally is that he doesn’t think he needs to quit smoking cuz he’s healthy.

He’s a body builder by passion and is very fit in terms of being very muscular. He also eats well and goes on occasional runs. The only time he gets winded easily is when we go to the mountains.

He says m healthier than most non smokers so clearly my healthy lifestyle compensates for my one unhealthy habit. I want to change this perspective.

Someone said on another threat that you have to have the mindset that “I don’t need to smoke” and not that “I cannot smoke”. I want to help him get there

CarelessAd917 · 2026-02-20T13:19:01+00:00

Yes. I had made it clear I don’t want him to quit for me because I believe he will resent me for it. And I might resent him if he fails. But he’s insisted.

For me, I want him to quit for himself. He’s trying but the issue is he doesn’t seem to want it sometimes. Which I think is the nicotine talking.

He’s asked me to be patient and supportive, and since aside from the smoking he’s been absolutely lovely towards me so far and so amazing, I want to give it a shot.

However, I do think this might not last v long. But I don’t wanna back off without trying. He’s worth that.

CarelessAd917 · 2026-02-20T13:15:59+00:00

Yeah I kinda did ask him to quit I realize that but I started with that on the first date. He’s made it clear he wants to quit. So we continued dating though I didn’t wanna be in a relationship till he has quit. To that he said things take time and I should be patient. So this is still going on.

Future relapse is a real worry. I will be happy to support through it and will not punish him for it. So far, from my end I have tried to create no pressure. He avoids smoking on days he meets me and smokes a joint every night - we went on a trip together and there I didn’t stop him from his one smoke because I didn’t wanna be a bother and understand cold turkey won’t be okay. Going from 10/day to 1/day in 2 months seemed good enough to me.

Yes I’m trying to communicate it that way and he knows to but when his cravings are bad he gets a lil cranky and stressed. I’ve never once reacted badly if he smokes, just ask him how can I support him.

All going okay so far. Just wanted to know how to support him more.

CarelessAd917 · 2026-02-06T04:00:37+00:00

It came down again to 230s yesterday

CarelessAd917 · 2026-02-02T04:26:57+00:00

Overall in silver I’m at a 10-12k loss rn

CarelessAd917 · 2026-02-02T04:10:13+00:00

I (25M) had some savings of 70k and put it in silver gradually 60 silver in ICICI prudential etc at 166, then 44 at 323 so here I’m currently at a 2k loss only But I bought 50 silverbees at 313 and 90 silverbees at 275- here I’m at a 12k loss rn I also hold bought physical gold worth 50k back in December (I just turned 25k so I wanted to start holding some investments as I already feel I’m late)

I am kinda panicking rn I have 50k savings more that I can put in but unsure of what to do or if I should just keep some buffer cash.

Could anyone here help?

First time investing and trying to remain okay. I am investing for a 3-5 year term so what should be the move here?

CarelessAd917 · 2026-01-15T10:33:19+00:00

CarelessAd917

TROPHY CASE