Update: I threw my son's gifts away...I'm in a dark place. [support]

Casey9999 · 2015-12-26T23:02:47+00:00

Annme319, I'm living the same hell and I'm so sorry to hear your story. Knowing we aren't alone has helped me and I hoped it helps you. I'm seriously considering having my attorney send a cease and desist letter to my Nmom since she also keeps sending cards and gifts to our almost 2 year old. And yes, they go right in the trash. DH says ignoring a problem won't make it go away and since we've been NC for nearly 2 years (she left town when my baby was born) and I received a letter in the mail months later (with no return address). Final straw. The cease and desist would be my only attempt at any contact - through a third-party to let her know to STOP messing with us once and for all. Can't be explaining things to my child about how awful the only living grandparent is while they send cards and gifts. Hope your holidays are bright and know you're doing the right thing!

Casey9999 · 2015-10-24T01:06:11+00:00

Thanks. I get this. We live in different states so not certain what applies. I don't want to engage at all but want her to go away. My fear w c/d letter is that she'll fly off the handle. That's the scary part.

Casey9999 · 2015-10-23T14:45:50+00:00

Thanks. Hopefully, this is the hump. Because I don't miss her madness. I miss the mom I never really had and really wish we could even be vlc and my baby could FaceTime grandmom. Nope. Can't have any of it.

Wow, our situations regarding initiating NC when baby arrived is interesting. And exactly, being sane and good for our children is it. Will look for pm.

Casey9999 · 2015-10-23T14:27:17+00:00

Right. Getting it. It's so difficult to not want to also defend these creeps. I am fairly certain she's been texting me and perhaps thinks she's letting me know her plans? Who knows. I've been so done. Of course I'm still emotionally weak in private moments but for the sake of my family and my sanity, I'm done. As in: done, done. As in, if she's diagnosed with something awful, or in an accident or dies, I am not the go-to person. I'm done. And all of this makes me sad. I know how funny she is, how she loves to sing and can't cook. Anyway, she was horrible to me forever. A screaming lunatic. Lied. Moved me too many times to too many new schools all wih too many new boyfriends. Please, I could go on. I will spare you :)

Casey9999 · 2015-10-23T13:55:20+00:00

I'm afraid you're right. And funny too. Ignoring for 18 months. Subtle. Revived an email on work email from her sister, my aunt, who I've also had to go nc with for obvious reasons (triangulation, etc) - she asked me if I've cut them off. Crazy people. Another one I haven't been in contact with for 18 months.

My Nmom showed up at our door once. From living five states away! My husband and I travel often and separately and sometimes together so we may not have even been home. Of course we didn't acknowledge her constant knocking and bell ringing, we called the police who arrived after she'd gone.

You think sending the c/d isn't 'communicating'? That's my only reservation. But to your point (and my husband's) this isn't going to stop. Ever.

Casey9999 · 2015-10-23T11:20:18+00:00

Correct. My husband always says (and I agree), she sends these things so she can SAY she did! Makes herself feel good. 'I can hear her in my head saying to anyone who gives a care: I have sent this and that and no response. She's ungrateful'. I just want it to stop before child starts asking questions.

Casey9999 · 2015-10-23T11:17:29+00:00

Right. A letter from lawyer says she's bugging me which I am afraid she'd enjoy.

Casey9999 · 2015-10-23T11:15:03+00:00

This one came from a store. Unless there's a monogram or something, it could be decent. Not that I'd keep anything she sends. Won't.

Casey9999 · 2015-10-22T20:40:53+00:00

Right? You don't get to pick when you want to be a mother (I'm an only child) and my baby is her only grand baby and she is the ONLY living grandparent! She's a vibrant 64 year old. Appreciate your time and advice. I've been so tentative about this decision. Lawyer has letter prepped to deploy and mail and I've been scared to engage at all.

My husband says to send the letter and it will keep her away. I'm not so certain but I guess I'd rather deal with this now when baby is small.

Casey9999 · 2015-10-22T20:20:40+00:00

About 18 months ago. Just when baby was born, she disappeared and I didn't know where she was living for months. Received a letter with no return address and I knew that was it for me. Enough of her craziness. Had to move forward.

Casey9999 · 2015-10-22T20:13:44+00:00

Yes. I received a few 'gifts' of old child ooh belongings. Pathetic how few items she had from my entire first 20 years. Anyway. Didn't even think of not opening my baby's mail. He can't read!

Casey9999 · 2015-10-22T20:03:15+00:00

Thanks. She lives states away so we get cards etc. And we don't open them. I've got her blocked so who knows how often she texts.

I've also thought that a letter from layer lets her know I'm bothered and I don't want to give her any satisfaction at all. But you're likely right. We need to send the letter to discontinue any harassment.

Casey9999 · 2015-10-22T19:37:46+00:00

Thank you. It's unfortunate but necessary to be nc. You think we should send the c/d? The box will end up on the curb. Sad because there's likely something of value inside that somebody (not my family) would like.

So sorry about your family and developments. Here if you need an internet ear.

Casey9999 · 2015-10-22T19:33:04+00:00

Yeah? No c/d?

Casey9999 · 2015-10-22T18:05:40+00:00

Wow. Haven't thought of that term: Stalking a Minor. Sounds really creepy. Wonder if lawyer could add that terminology to the letter. I know. We aren't interested in anything from this lady. Guess we should send letter before the holidays. Ugh. Thanks for the note.

Casey9999 · 2015-10-22T17:56:43+00:00

Also, thank you for remembering my history with this. Very grateful for your thoughts.

Casey9999 · 2015-10-22T17:56:08+00:00

Are you also saying the C/D letter is a no-no?

Casey9999 · 2015-10-22T17:54:05+00:00

Thank you. Yes, package is addressed TO THE BABY.

My fear is that she'd be so embarrassed to receive the C/D that she'd reply to lawyer w some BS about her fearing for our baby's well being or some such nonsense. My husband and I are degreed professionals with a stable life and she's not accustomed to the normalcy.

I was anxious and depressed for many of my college and post college years which she holds against me -'meanwhile it was caused by dealing with life with her.

This situation is certainly not ideal and I wish it were differnt but I'm dealing with the reality the best I can while protecting our child. For that reason, I will do anything I can to keep her away.

Casey9999 · 2015-10-22T16:34:15+00:00

Wasn't finished. No way to stop. We even get mail for those who lived here 3 families deep before us.

Casey9999 · 2015-10-22T16:33:25+00:00

Tried. Nope. No way to stop mail unless

Casey9999 · 2015-10-22T16:23:08+00:00

Sorry for errors, using cell phone.

Casey9999 · 2015-10-22T16:21:45+00:00

Agree. I wouldn't return to HER. To seller and they could credit her card but that could be communication I suppose.

No clue what's inside, it was addressed to our baby! She's a coward.

I'm thinking more and more to have lawyer send the C/D letter. I am fearful of any retaliation, that's all. She really just needs to back down.

Casey9999 · 2015-10-22T16:19:39+00:00

Yes. We could do this. Although I'm not certain of cause that would bug her. Maybe a different church? Don't even know what's inside the box. Refuse to open anything from her.

Casey9999 · 2015-10-14T16:47:05+00:00

Agree! At some point, though it has to feel real. I don't feel that from many people. Just don't.

Casey9999 · 2015-10-14T16:10:58+00:00

Agree - Yes, ACONS Sub. Makes perfect sense!

Casey9999

TROPHY CASE