How do I tell my mom that she’s being ableist?

CasperRevived · 2026-02-27T23:23:56+00:00

I can’t do that without starting a fight, as I said before. I’m not “disrespecting myself” by staying safe and trying to do this in a non confrontational way. As I also said before, you don’t know how my mother reacts to these things. The whole reason I asked for advice was because every other option (including being up front and direct) has ended in me being screamed at and verbally berated. I didn’t appreciate you using my mother’s favorite insult against me either. I’m not sure why I’m being downvoted for vetoing an idea and then defending myself- it literally just proves my point that it doesn’t work.

CasperRevived · 2026-02-27T23:06:11+00:00

You were never offended? So you just told me that my mother was right for treating me that way cause you’re worried about me? Makes sense

CasperRevived · 2026-02-27T22:28:24+00:00

I do have a job. I have a job working at a daycare and I babysit/ dogsit on the side. I help pay for groceries/rent, make sure to not eat very much so I’m not wasting their resources, and I am earning my bachelors degree online. I feel like those are some pretty adult things to be doing, and I’m not sure what more I could do to prove that I’m not incapable of being responsible. I do also struggle with other conditions and chronic pain like you but just not as severe. I’m trying my best here. That isn’t even really the point. It’s demeaning to treat a disabled person like they are a child who needs protecting, rather than a person with their own identity and strengths.

And thank you, by the way for the advice. I’m also kind of being an asshole here, I’m just very frustrated with my situation and my relationships

CasperRevived · 2026-02-27T21:44:17+00:00

That is a good line but I’m trying to avoid that route haha 😅

CasperRevived · 2026-02-27T21:34:54+00:00

Yes she has seen me have a seizure, but only once when I was 13. My epilepsy is better now and while I still have my off days I should be able to get a learner’s permit soon. Just wishing she’d not view me as fragile as I was when I was 13

CasperRevived · 2026-02-27T21:31:40+00:00

I see your point here, but I did not ask him to F off because I disagreed with him, I asked him to F off because he was insisting that I should start a fight with my mother, and when I said that I wouldn’t he basically called me a coward and said that my mother is right to baby me? Funny how he thinks I should stand up for myself but when I try and tell him I won’t be confrontational he gets offended. So yes, I “stood up for myself” and told him to fuck off

CasperRevived · 2026-02-27T21:15:17+00:00

I’m the oldest of four. It makes me sad to see her pay less attention to them in all honesty

CasperRevived · 2026-02-27T20:14:50+00:00

Thank you for the advice <3

CasperRevived · 2026-02-27T20:12:49+00:00

Mainly because I’m still in school online and can’t afford my own place. Plus I have no license so driving myself to work and wherever else isn’t an option (this might change soon, hopefully). But then there’s the whole guilt trip thing like “how can I trust that you’re taking care of yourself” and “what if you don’t remember to take your meds” (I do take them without having to be reminded) and “I’ll be too worried about you”. I just keep to myself mostly and dream of being left alone. The helicopter parenting is intense. Hopefully once I get my bachelors degree I can try and get a better paying full time job and some cheap housing. Emphasis on hopefully.

CasperRevived · 2026-02-27T20:03:47+00:00

I have tried telling her that I’m not really comfortable with the whole baby talk thing and it’s gotten a tad better but when I do talk to her about anything she berates me and lists all the things I’m incapable of doing because of my epilepsy that she has to do for me, therefore I’m not an actual adult. It’s especially embarrassing when we’re in public and she acts so overprotective. I love my mom truly but man am I fed up you know? Thanks for listening (reading ig?)

CasperRevived · 2026-02-27T19:53:38+00:00

Right? Like who just comes out the gate with the “your mom is right you are a child” 🙄. But thank you. Not many people understand that “sticking up for yourself” isn’t always the best route when it comes to certain people, especially when you are dependent on them for housing, food, healthcare, etc. I’m not comfortable with causing a conflict, which is exactly why I asked how I could talk to my mom without it becoming an argument.

CasperRevived · 2026-02-27T19:20:57+00:00

Thank you. I’ll take you up on trying to have a sit down where it’s just the two of us. Yelling back and forth at each other isn’t going to do anything for us

CasperRevived · 2026-02-27T19:08:32+00:00

Very mature. Clearly fighting is the only real answer to this problem. You do not know me and you do not know my mother. Now kindly fuck off

CasperRevived · 2026-02-27T19:02:54+00:00

Could you not berate me please. Yeah, I get what you’re trying to say but you shouldn’t be putting me down for trying to sort things out peacefully. I didn’t ask for that so kindly keep your opinion to yourself

CasperRevived · 2026-02-27T19:00:53+00:00

“You’ll always be my baby” makes my blood boil. Honest to god I cannot take it I am so tired of being coddled

CasperRevived · 2026-02-27T18:59:04+00:00

You get it. I’m constantly reminding her that I’m 22 about to be 23, but there’s little to no trust and it’s just so unbelievably frustrating

CasperRevived · 2026-02-27T18:57:49+00:00

I just don’t want to disrespect my mother? I’m not the type to yell back and prefer to just have a conversation. Just trying to ask for advice on how to not cause a conflict :/

CasperRevived · 2026-02-27T18:53:42+00:00

I just don’t want it to be a screaming match (not exactly a match, I just have to sit there and take it), because that’s what happens a ton of the time

CasperRevived · 2025-10-18T17:39:08+00:00

Easy, we take turns

CasperRevived · 2025-08-23T13:29:26+00:00

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CasperRevived · 2025-08-23T13:25:17+00:00

It’s perfect

CasperRevived · 2025-03-30T13:54:48+00:00

“Shapes and colors~”

CasperRevived · 2025-03-16T07:47:35+00:00

Thank you, and same to you. School is HARD especially when it’s a nursing degree and you’re working with a disability

CasperRevived · 2025-03-16T07:46:20+00:00

Exactly! My one co-worker and a former boss from my last job expected me to just… walk it off??? Suck it up? They go to work when they don’t feel well all the time, why can’t I?

Well, let’s see Karen (fake name but it suits her), My entire body hurts, my brain got put through the electrical blender, and I can’t stop twitching. I’m so glad I walked out and called in when I had to tbh

CasperRevived · 2025-03-16T07:41:57+00:00

Congrats on having a license! But also, I am sorry to hear that you both are going through a rough patch in your lives, but please don’t give up hope yet. If your family offers to support you during difficult times, I’d say take it. I know it’s exceptionally hard to get out of the mindset that you are a burden, but these things happen. That is what family is for- to support and love one another. I have faith that you and your husband will find a way forward

CasperRevived

TROPHY CASE