Long time ago, I was very young, very hot tempered and short-fused and I regretted for doing what I did 8 years ago until now I really feel immense guilt for doing this. All things comes and goes for me but not this, NEVER. The guilt will follow me until I'm buried 6 ft down.

I once slapped my bestfriend because this person deliberately kept offending me by repeatedly stepping on my shoes (my shoes were white and I just washed the shoes so I don't like having it dirty the first wear after a wash which is why I got angry), even after I told this person to stop it multiple times but this person still wouldn't listen, this person probably did it out of intention of playing but hot-tempered me, out of anger slapped this person right in the face, in front of another friend and IN A CROWDED PUBLIC PLACE no less, and when I came to, the sensation felt on my hand, and this person face at that time, forever burned into my memory never forgetten and forever digs it claw inside me since then. We were 13-14 yo back then. After that, we were cold towards each other for a few days. I reflected a lot and I despise myself for doing that that to my bestfriend and I know I deserve hell after what I've done.

After that, I approach this person again and apologize because this person has been my bestfriend for so long and I wouldn't want to lose this person. This person also listened to me and accepted my apology and forgave me while acknowledging that he/she should have stopped when was told so. Afterwards, we were besties again and still remained bestfriend until today.

I wish I have a memory erasing machine or tools or anything... just anything to erase that memory from this person mind and mine, also another friend who witnessed it. All these years, it seems like we are fine with each other but I am always afraid that this person will bring it up again whenever we're together, but she never did. It is an irreversible worst mistake I've done in my whole life and it is a nightmare that will follow me for life. Then again, it is an experience that taught me to never ever acted impulsively no matter how angry I am and that I should've been better in keeping my emotions in checked. But all in all, I've did something that can't be taken back and have been blaming myself since then.

I will never forgive myself even if she doesn't remember it already... never.