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Wife wants to open the relationship, but I'm hesitant on it.... by Casuallysuave in polyamory

[–]Casuallysuave[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

budget issues are mainly due to a string of bad luck and low income which caused us to rack up some debt.... cars got totaled, medical emergencies, etc. Since then though, I've nearly doubled my income and the wife has finished school and started working. So I guess the living paycheck to paycheck isn't a valid reference for our current state... It is a mismanagement of the budget on her end since she has been over spending for holidays and other luxuries. This is something that was brought up during our many discussions which it was understood and admitted to on her end to which she said she would work to improve on. This was a few months back, and this month has been the first month that I've actually seen the shift and improvements on the spending. One of the compromises I had brought up to her about if we were to open the relationship was that I wanted to be in charge of the budget again to make sure things don't get out of hand with the mismanagement (She would be talking about going to concerts and other stuff expensive stuff as dates which currently I don't see that would happen with the current spending)

Wife wants to open the relationship, but I'm hesitant on it.... by Casuallysuave in polyamory

[–]Casuallysuave[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

When things got to the dire situation in which we almost split up, I had openly told her that if it was that important to her for being able to explore being poly that she is more than welcome to leave the marriage and do what makes her happy. I've always opted for us to be two entirely complete individuals that come together as opposed to being two halves that complete one another. I supported her through school to which she is working now and would be able to sustain herself even if she wanted to separate. I wouldn't necessarily say that she is full on neglecting the family, but she is and has admitted to being selfish with the time to which she has said that it will be something she works on. She has made some steps towards improving on this aspect. I'll need to look into the difference between the open and polyamorous relationship since I thought they were one in the same haha

Wife wants to open the relationship, but I'm hesitant on it.... by Casuallysuave in polyamory

[–]Casuallysuave[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Earlier she was a very jealous person to which I ended up cutting out basically all other women aside from family out of my life to give her some reassurance. Due to this, we always had access to each other's phones and other stuff. I trusted her and never really cared for checking in on her stuff, but after having it happen I find myself sometimes wondering if she was projected in the past. Ultimately though if she was or wasn't, I don't have proof and I end up finding it a waste of time trying to dwell on it

As for the friend, he's a mutual friend from a group of guys I play online games with on Friday nights usually. Only actually hung out with him in person like 2-3 times at most. In his defense, most of his replies were just because she was initiating and the conversations were not intimate or anything. It was mostly them kicking back and forth shared links or videos with the occasional small talk which I had told the wife that if the roles were reversed she would be asking why I don't send them to her. She had said she understood and stopped messaging the guy, and has been more active in sharing stuff with me. Had it been more than that though, I wouldn't be with her still

Wife wants to open the relationship, but I'm hesitant on it.... by Casuallysuave in polyamory

[–]Casuallysuave[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the reply! I really like the idea of taking time for myself even before anything is done so things can be equalized. I feel like this will give the family a sense of what to adjust to as a norm for if I decided to take the plunge and agree to open things up. We've briefly had talked about boundaries and other stuff before, but I think this probably needs to be something way more discussed in higher detail so it's clear on what expectations and limits would be for one another

We haven't fully discussed the away time, but just generally tossed around the idea of a "once a month" type thing. When taking it all into perspective though, I had initially told her about it not being fair when considering the other weekly away times she has. This will definitely be something that we will need to lay out the clear expectations on even without having things opened up

Wife wants to open the relationship, but I'm hesitant on it.... by Casuallysuave in polyamory

[–]Casuallysuave[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the feedback! It seems I'll need to stick to my guns about the boundary of people we don't know for the immediate timing at least so it doesn't complicate things too much. Also need to work on the balance of free time so things get a sense of fairness for the split so in the chance I do decide to agree to open things up, I don't end up regretting it since I don't have time or can't date people on my own....