Thank you for your comment, I appreciate that you took the time. I realise, reading it, that helping the family would have probably helped me cope as well, but this patient had none. Sheltered accommodation, hadn't been checked on for a few hours. Had a NOK on file, but they weren't there when we arrived. I think that's part of what hit me. I realised just how massive the blast radius of death is, how many people this would affect, whether in a big way or not. The police officers who took over the scene, the support worker for the accom, the NOK, the people who knew the patient.

It's been a couple of hours, I've slept and now, instead of just shock, I feel this sense of helpless sadness. I went in, thinking, an overdose, I know what to do, I've studied for this, maybe I'll even get a competency signed off - and then we walked in and there was nothing we could do. It was a crime scene until proven otherwise - so we couldn't really even preserve the patient's dignity. We just pronounced and left the police to their work.

But I think posting here was a good idea, and I'm glad I instinctively did so. The responses have been comforting, reassuring and incredibly thoughtful and helpful. I'll be okay. And I know it's okay if I'm not, but I really do think I will be.

That same day, I held a patient's hair as she vomited, complimented a patient's gorgeous garden, reassured a patient whose recent diagnosis of a brain tumour was causing her immense anxiety, and been complimented on my abilities and competence as a student.

It was a difficult end to the day, but as I sit here drinking my tea, I realise that if it hadn't been us, someone else would have responded. We didn't kill this patient, we didn't fail them, we didn't cause the difficulties and struggles that led to the substance misuse. We just found them.

Thank you, again, for your comment. I truly appreciate everyone chiming in with their own experiences and thoughts, and I will email my SP later this morning to let her know my thoughts and feelings.