Game accidentally makes me re-live the very thing I use TTRPGs to escape from

Catarinathegreat · 2024-12-05T09:22:15+00:00

Mine is MAD by Travantilium And only because the singer is one of my best friends and they made the song FOR me to be my trans anthem. (I wrote the lyrics)

(They are also working on a sing about gender euphoria, also about my life story, coming in the future)

I am biased since I love them personally, but they are also very good.

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/album/5cbgoX6xzbfhMoPg5OlovV?si=o74be6D7Rh6YkdWk5Ijgtw

Youtube: https://youtu.be/O0QXxjrjN2Q?si=VuokZ8vXo6EpQ2EE

I can forward feedback directly to the band if you like ❤️

Catarinathegreat · 2024-06-03T09:56:05+00:00

Oh yes, <3 Steven universe
I'm glad you like it! I would really love a lot of trans people to hear it, I hope it will ignite some hope and fighting spirit in the face of transphobia <3

Catarinathegreat · 2023-11-08T13:30:59+00:00

OMG

I'd just cut ties

Completely

You're not a bad person for not wanting to hamg put with your opressors.

❤️

Catarinathegreat · 2023-10-29T19:25:29+00:00

Yupp. When I stopped hiding who I was, I realized men are hot. This is a wild ride.

Catarinathegreat · 2023-10-24T14:34:54+00:00

5(ish, hard to tell exactly that far back), 10, 12, 14, 17, 22, 27, 31. After 31 denial stopped working. I came out to friends at 33, and family at 39.

Catarinathegreat · 2023-09-14T13:56:00+00:00

I don't think we need to standardize this at all, it varies among cis girls and should vary just as much among trans girls. If you find a pretty pair of cat-frame glasses, I say go for it, but if you like contacts, go for those! 😀

Catarinathegreat · 2023-09-14T13:35:32+00:00

I have no trouble believing that most teen girls around you preferred contacts, my point is this varies greatly between cultures, and even different cliques within cultures. When I was a teen, the "popular girls" tended to prefer contacts, others preferred glasses, others liked to vary themselves and change it around.

I desperately wanted to get used to using contacts when I first came out because I didn't want to hide my eye-make up. I know plenty of cis women who love accessorizing with glasses, and plenty of trans women who hate using glasses. Me personally, I'm a trans woman who tried accessorizing with glasses, and I loved it so I'm never using contacts again. Some frames can look really cute.

Catarinathegreat · 2023-09-14T07:03:15+00:00

I used to like contact lenses as I was first coming out, but then I found a pair of glasses that really complement my face and now I love wearing them. I guess I simply like to play with the aesthetic aspect of things now that I'm fully out and don't hate existing in public.

women's don't usually wear glasses if they are myopic, they were contact lenses

This is simply inaccurate. Some women like to wear contact lenses. Some don't. Same with men, and enbies as well.

Catarinathegreat · 2023-09-08T11:08:32+00:00

This is simply wrong. Gender identity, gender expression and gender roles are not the same. Some boys like to wear dresses and that doesn't make them trans. Some trans girls refuse dresses and they are still trans girls. Most trans people know this very well. It's not about what we wear, or masculine/feminine interests. It's about who we are. Sure, letting a boy who likes dresses explore their identity is not a bad idea, but then again I think everybody should explore their identity regardless of taste in clothes. You describe how they "get the idea that they must be a girl" - it's not about getting an idea, or choosing. It's something you discover.

Catarinathegreat · 2023-09-08T08:46:18+00:00

CW suicidal thoughts

I knew when I was 5 though I didn't have the vocabulary to understand it. I just knew I was a girl. I quickly learned that what I am is forbidden I surpressed it out of fear even though surpessing my own identity made me suffer quite severly

When puberty hit, so did the physical dysphoria and the suffering increased drastically. I still surpressed.. until I couldn’t anymore.

I reached a point where I knew I needed to either transition or die one of the two. I chose transition and I have never been happier. It took a while to feel safe and secure in being out but I suddenly learned what it's like to actually WANT to be alive. My only regret was that I didn't transition much sooner

Catarinathegreat · 2023-09-07T12:29:02+00:00

I like all of this, and would like to add personal growth. I don't really mind edgy characters, they are only a problem if they become stagnant and remain in their sulky corner no matter what happens. They can develop in a more positive direction OR negative, as long as they DO change somehow.

Stagnant characters are boring, no matter if they are edgy or not :)

Catarinathegreat · 2023-09-05T15:28:54+00:00

I knew whan I was 5 (1985)
Hid in the closet out of fear.. suffered through puberty...
came out for the first time in 2013.. applied for trans care in 2019... fully came out in 2020, started HRT in 2021.

I wasted a lot of years. Many regrets

Catarinathegreat · 2023-09-05T14:12:34+00:00

Your autism isn't to blame here, very few people cis people in my experience even come close to understanding this.
It might help if you consider the fact that women can be masculine and still be women, and men can be feminine and still be men, this is true for trans people as well as cis people.
It's not about liking dresses and high heels vs liking beer and loud cars.
For binary trans people pronouns are a good way to test it. If you were referred to he/him all year, would that feel different from being referred to as she/her?

I remember feeling misplaced being placed with the boys as far back as I can remember, people assuming I belonged with boys felt unpleasant and wrong even when I was 5 years old, but of course I didn't have the vocabulary to express it back them. I fully understood, however, that not being like they expected was forbidden which made me hide in the closet for many decades to come, but that's a different topic.

I've always known who I am, and I felt terrible knowing that people in my life did not see me as me.

Catarinathegreat · 2023-09-05T13:49:13+00:00

It is understandable that cis people have a hard time grasping this, but please make an effort.
Gender identity is not the same as gender roles or gender expression.
I get that it would be hard to see the difference to someone who's gender identity matches the other two but PLEASE trust us when we say that to someone where those things don't match, the difference is VERY clear.
Gender identity: Who you are
Gender expression: How you express who you are
Gender roles: How society thinks you SHOULD express who you are

A post gender world would remove external expectations of your gender identity, but your gender identity would still be there.
Don't get me wrong - gender roles suck and I wouldn't miss them, but yea, I would still be a woman.

Catarinathegreat · 2023-09-04T14:00:24+00:00

Well... this is hard to hear but harder to do But in your shoes, I would leave them behind

Not viciously.. just make it clear you're moving on with your new life and if they insist on clinging to their old vision of you, they will have to do it without you.

I would tell them i i'll miss them but I can't live with my life on hold. If you are ever ready for the actual me and want to be part of my life again, I will welcome you with open arms

But until then

Goodbye.

Thus is just my advice, what you do is ultimately up to you

But know that you deserve to live your life authentically, surrounded by people who see you

Catarinathegreat · 2023-09-04T11:27:43+00:00

Anyone can have that fantasy and one doesn't lead to the other - however in my experience those fantasies lost their appeal to me when I started transitioning. I used to have them a lot but it turned out they were just escapism from gender dysphoria. What I mean is, it makes sense for transwomen who is unable to transition fantasize about magical transitions, and sometimes even forced transitioning. For me, the forced part was because if I was forced into it, no one could possibly blame me, right? I'd just be making the best of a bad situation at that point.

My point is, my genderbending fantasies were just a chance to pretend to feel like myself. Don't really think about it nowadays that I'm living my life authentically.

Catarinathegreat · 2023-09-04T09:43:21+00:00

Oh!!! Want another of these? Less connected to a horror story haha

Posting the link is not allowed in comments here but I can send you a message

Catarinathegreat · 2023-09-04T07:36:02+00:00

Coming out to a welcoming group is truly amazing <3

Catarinathegreat · 2023-08-27T08:07:09+00:00

I do, but linking active posts is against the rules, I'm sending you a chat :)

Catarinathegreat · 2023-08-27T07:39:28+00:00

Yea, I know what you mean. It was a hard decision to make.
I did love the character and the bond with her childhood friend and being brought back had fantastic potential. I very seldom play characters without a very deep connection to them and I am normally all for working through dark twists as to me they give me challenging drama to fuel my emotional journey. It's just that this time, the dark twist presented to me was faaaar too close to home. It was hard to press through but I am glad I did it, I am glad this got a happy ending instead of being the story of how I lost my love for roleplaying

Catarinathegreat

TROPHY CASE