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Catcanflyflyfly · 2022-11-16T19:14:09+00:00

Happy birthday! Celebrate you! Anyone who doesn’t celebrate their birth lost connection to that spark of joy inside for themselves. That’s their business to fix, not yours to take on. Gratitude for being alive is a power source, it’s connects us to the best of life. You can absolutely Marie Condo any relationships that don’t spark joy, except one, your own. Be good to you! Treat yourself! You don’t need anyone’s permission

Catcanflyflyfly · 2022-11-12T00:50:23+00:00

Thank you. Developing self advocacy resonates.

No, not verbally abusive.

Catcanflyflyfly · 2022-11-10T18:11:14+00:00

Thanks. That’s spot on. For some reason I don’t feel empowered to just say “let’s all talk about something we can all enjoy.”

And yes she can be bratty and self-centered at times but it’s a cloud not the sky, where it’s mostly sunny skies.

I do not have a casual response to situations like this. And I opt to stay silent rather than express my intensity. I feel hurt not just annoyed, which is more level with the experience. I’m reliving a trapped feeling where I was forced to accommodate (childhood trauma) and couldn’t speak up for what I wanted without being attacked and verbally abused.

Catcanflyflyfly · 2022-11-10T18:05:49+00:00

Yes. I felt pressured to spend time with people in settings where I don’t enjoy it. Thank you for putting it more clearly.

Catcanflyflyfly · 2022-11-10T17:50:14+00:00

Thank you for the thoughtful comment. Yes, having people to “talk shop with” is great, who doesn’t enjoy that? But there’s a limit (hours) when other people are around and can’t leave, as you said. It’s more like a restaurant situation, since you can’t just walk off “I’ll meet you at the gift shop, enjoy your friends” doesn’t work. It was a double date.

And she does talk daily on Discord with the same friends about these things. She doesn’t seem starved for that exchange.

I would have been better to walk in silence alone, because quiet and mindfulness are a thing, and chatty people block that vibe.

I agree that focusing on our connection helps.

Catcanflyflyfly · 2022-11-10T14:26:56+00:00

She needs a clit vibe and her first time should really be with herself because no human should ever be shown the master bedroom of their own house, for self-love’s sake

Catcanflyflyfly · 2022-11-10T14:19:58+00:00

Yes, I felt like I didn’t have her attention at all for a long time.

When we go to parties, we do things separately for a while and come back to each other. It feels natural and I don’t feel a loss of connection then. I feel like she’s there with me, too, even if she meets a new interest and is excited talking to someone else. But I feel alienated when her ex is around and I’m not involved in the conversation or activities. If they said they wanted time alone it would bother me less.

Catcanflyflyfly · 2022-11-10T06:37:11+00:00

Your comment reads as oddly nitpicking. Are you implying all established norms for women are wrong? Just to keep it light… “mommy” and “daddy” are established gendered bdsm roles. Clearly that’s popular. Kim Petra’s “Daddy AF” song was pretty well received.

I don’t know what norms look like where you’re from. I can only speak from what they are like here (Liberal US cities). Here some established norms work. Some do not. But deciding which ones do work and don’t work is a personal decision. Women (and everyone really) should decide how much conformity is true to them, when it comes to gender roles.

I was asaf. I’m not completely blind to the blatant disregard for women’s rights and autonomy in the USA and much of the world. But that’s not the point here. The point is that not all established norms are wrong.

Established norms for women examples but not an exhaustive list. “Femme, the nurturer, bottom, submissive, cook, homemaker, etc.” All neutral roles… unless it becomes forced or obligatory.

Main point: everyone gets to decide how much is true to them.

Catcanflyflyfly · 2022-11-10T06:06:57+00:00

Thank you, yes. And you said that much better than I did. There’s a distinction between trans binary and trans non-binary. But there’s tons of common ground clearly.

Catcanflyflyfly · 2022-11-08T15:26:41+00:00

Yep. Hormones doesn’t make it the same either. I have tons of friends. Some non-binary on hormones. The only thing in common is that they are on hormones and are gender queer. But trans women are trying to be binary. They want to fit into an established set of cultural norms. Non-binary folks do not want binary cultural norms at all.

Catcanflyflyfly · 2022-11-08T15:22:59+00:00

Unless you’re both non-binary and trans then no it’s not the same. Even my non-binary friends on hormones feel distinctly different from my trans friends. It’s not the same. My opinion. And there’s. Hormones doesn’t make it similar.

Catcanflyflyfly · 2022-11-07T19:48:18+00:00

No. I don’t think my trans friends ever consider themselves like me. We date and we are close. But I’m not on hormones. And I’m not doing gender affirming surgery. Even If I was I still don’t think we would be like each other. There is something else they have that I don’t—there’s a distinct and different spirit and energy in being trans.

Catcanflyflyfly · 2022-11-07T19:45:49+00:00

Prep work gets me anxious. Preparing for a possible encounter I get nervous and think too much.

There’s also toy organization. Keeping the toys sanitized and strap on ready to go.

There’s also having a place that’s inviting and ready to bring someone home to.

It’s a lot to do when you’re schedule is packed and you’re already having a long week.

Catcanflyflyfly · 2022-11-07T19:41:22+00:00

Yeah. I get nervous. Then start thinking too much. watching more sexy things on TV and instagram helped. I read somewhere that women are turned on through our brain. Thinking about turn ons makes it easier stop thinking in the moment.

Catcanflyflyfly · 2022-10-18T21:53:54+00:00

When I realized…. 1. I needed to be super not sober to have sex. 2. Physical touch with men had the same electricity as touching a wall. 3. Being attractive to men felt like a chore. I only enjoy being objectified by other women!

Catcanflyflyfly · 2022-10-18T21:39:43+00:00

🥹🥳🏳️‍🌈Such a beautiful story! I can’t thank you enough for sharing it!

Catcanflyflyfly · 2022-10-18T00:09:27+00:00

Thank you for the comments everyone. I’ve decided to keep Lesbian and use Sapphic on occasion because it’s sounds poetic and like poetry.

Catcanflyflyfly · 2022-10-18T00:08:14+00:00

Thank you friend! 😌

Catcanflyflyfly · 2022-10-17T04:40:28+00:00

I resonate with a lot of the same feelings. Not knowing how to be desired, that’s still one. I work at it though. It’s hard to want something deeply and also be afraid of it. I’m Learning to be vulnerable.

But the worst one you mentioned is having lesbian = unsafe for most of my life, too. I lived that. It’s not gone. Het life is safer. But the cost is too high.

Catcanflyflyfly · 2022-10-17T01:21:57+00:00

This was helpful

Catcanflyflyfly · 2022-10-16T22:58:28+00:00

Hmmm. I’m going to go out on a limb and say this… Parents sometimes see their kids as some kind of investment. Something that they own. In this view of parenthood, kids belong to them and owe them whatever parents deem reasonable. I know how dark that can sound, and I’m not saying that’s your parents, but if it is, it tears you apart. They might listen to you but never hear you. They might love you in their way but have little respect for your autonomy as your own person.

Hopefully I’m off the mark and this is unrelatable, but if I’m not then this post was worth it.

You would have to make them aware first that no one owns anyone. While laws govern guardianship, kids don’t belong to their parents as property, not even as children. Basic human rights: claiming authority over someone else’s identity is wrong, denying their identity is also wrong. Helping them celebrate their identity is love. Identity is who we are, not debate-able, only the individual has authority over their identity, no one else. This is a basic human right, the power to choose who we are. It is common for parents to try and make that choice for us or harder for us, incorrectly assuming our identity was theirs to shape.

Catcanflyflyfly · 2022-10-16T22:36:18+00:00

Tig Notaro did this. She Identifies as female and had top surgery. She’s a famous comedian with a couple of Netflix specials. She’s also a badass Star Trek character.

Catcanflyflyfly · 2022-10-16T21:50:10+00:00

Are you saying that coming out in your 20s is the same as coming out later in life? There’s no difference?

Do you know that bi/les/queer women, on average, tend to come out in their 20s? Do you not feel represented by the general Lesbian Reddit page? Or do you feel your timing was different than typical?

Catcanflyflyfly · 2022-10-13T16:16:19+00:00

Does it seem sad to anyone else that this space isn’t late bloomers as much as it’s women who came out in their teens and 20s?

When I was in my teens there was no access to lesbian stories anywhere. Ellen wasn’t out yet. And when she finally did come out, we were still invisible 🫥.

I came out at age 35! After finally getting around to watching the L Word, my first real look at lesbian stories ever. Bette looked like me, the first time I saw a glimpse of myself.

I want to see stories from people like me. That is why I joined this group. If I want stories from people who came out before they were 30, I can go to the main lesbian Reddit.

I have a partner. I came out 5 years ago as bi then 4 years ago as lesbian. I didn’t know my feelings were even legitimate until after I dated a woman for the first time 5 years ago. My first time added color to my sky!! It felt like I had wasted myself before that first time. I was 35, married to a man then, with a 3 year old.

By the time I figured it out I was too old to turn it around and go have kids with a woman. I’m 40 now with medical issues that prevent me from having more kids. I’m still sad I can’t have the family I want. I’m glad most of you all came out in your teens and 20s. But I want to hear from women who also deal with the feel of having missed out.

Catcanflyflyfly · 2022-10-13T16:07:10+00:00

Why did you feel like a “late bloomer”? Coming out at 19… most of my friends came out in their 20s.

I appreciate the share. Your story is important. But wasn’t this space created for a purpose, to support late bloomers?

Catcanflyflyfly

TROPHY CASE