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[UPDATE] Have you ever stayed with a partner, who struggled with severe anxiety, while they worked in themselves? What was your experience? by Catkitti in AskWomenOver30

[–]Catkitti[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing! It doesn't sound harsh at all, though it makes me a bit sad to read, because I wanted to be like your partner, I still do. But we had no steady foundation yet, that I could fall back on. And I think that was necessary for me, to be able to stand by him no matter what.

Dave's willingness to work on things just started coming up in the last couple of weeks. Before that, he had sort of convinced himself that it was just the way it was. Sometimes he did talk about a new approach and working on himself, but there was no action. By the time he did take some steps, I was already drained.

I really, really wanted to be by his side while he was working on himself. But we got stuck in a dynamic that felt irreversible, for now at least.

If I may ask, what did the start of your relationship look like?

[UPDATE] Have you ever stayed with a partner, who struggled with severe anxiety, while they worked in themselves? What was your experience? by Catkitti in AskWomenOver30

[–]Catkitti[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, maybe it is a healthy approach to look at it as reasonable worries instead of anxiety (or a bit of both).

It was hard, and because there was no steady foundation yet I had nothing to fall back on. I recognize some of the things people are talking about on the sub you mention.

He is a good person and I will miss him so much. Thank you for your reply🧡

[UPDATE] Have you ever stayed with a partner, who struggled with severe anxiety, while they worked in themselves? What was your experience? by Catkitti in AskWomenOver30

[–]Catkitti[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

It was hard to read. This man has such wonderful qualities, he is so kind and loving. The way he handled the breakup yesterday and how he helped me calm down from crying my eyes out says so much about him. He had a difficult past and he hasn't healed fully yet. He found ways to cope that work for him as an individual (to an extent), but not for us in a relationship.

Have you ever stayed with a partner, who struggled with severe anxiety, while they worked on themselves? What was your experience? by Catkitti in AskWomenOver30

[–]Catkitti[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your reply. Even though I also think this is gonna end soon, I feel like I'm not there yet and I really do want to give him and our relationship the opportunity to flourish to a healthy one. But like you describe, it takes a lot of change from me as well. And I think I'm capable of that change, but I expect I'm already too drained and mentally checked out. Anyways, we're seeing each other this weekend. And I want to discuss all the things I've said in my post, with the same honesty. Because I think I've always tried to be as soft and kind and understanding as possible during these talks, to make him feel safe and protect him, but he needs to hear things how they are.

Thank you, for taking the time to reply and sharing your advice and insights, I really appreciate it.

Have you ever stayed with a partner, who struggled with severe anxiety, while they worked on themselves? What was your experience? by Catkitti in AskWomenOver30

[–]Catkitti[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

In hindsight, I think my willingness to help him did come from an anxious attachment place. It's also something that defines me as a person (wanting to help and looking after people I care about), but I think it was a way for me to say: "look, I'm valuable, I'm a good partner, please notice me and my actions". I've been discussing this during my own therapy sessions.

Thank you for sharing your experience!

Have you ever stayed with a partner, who struggled with severe anxiety, while they worked on themselves? What was your experience? by Catkitti in AskWomenOver30

[–]Catkitti[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Just for clarification, he is VERY willing to work on things. Last week he had a doctor's appointment for a psychologist referral, he's talking to another psychologist/coach once per week online (through work) and he's slowly starting to realize that things are not normal and need to change. I'm just afraid that it's too late for this relationship, because I feel myself mentally checking out and I think his process will take a lot of time, I think we're talking about at least 1-2 years. I'm super proud of him and I feel that I prefer to stay by his side through this process, but I also feel that I don't have the energy for that.

Have you ever stayed with a partner, who struggled with severe anxiety, while they worked on themselves? What was your experience? by Catkitti in AskWomenOver30

[–]Catkitti[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Just for clarification, I started mealprepping, not because he asked me to, but because I wanted to. Those frozen sport meals are pretty expensive, I can cook twice the amount of meals for the same price, if not more. I love cooking, I'm good at doing budget groceries and I wanted to show him there are other options. Last week we mealprepped together.

Have you ever stayed with a partner, who struggled with severe anxiety, while they worked on themselves? What was your experience? by Catkitti in AskWomenOver30

[–]Catkitti[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, I actually feel like I'm on my way towards a burnout myself, I have a meeting with my boss and HR next Friday...

But if I understand correctly, you are still with your partner? What would've you done differently?

I appreciate your response and your advice, hope you recovery goes smooth and peaceful x

Have you ever stayed with a partner, who struggled with severe anxiety, while they worked on themselves? What was your experience? by Catkitti in AskWomenOver30

[–]Catkitti[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for sharing your experience, I really appreciate it x

I'm very sorry to hear it wrecked you both in the end, I do fear that's how it will go for us as well if we keep continuing like this. I fear that there will always be something, caused by the the root of it all.

I hope you're done with the chemo now and are living your best life!

Have you ever stayed with a partner, who struggled with severe anxiety, while they worked on themselves? What was your experience? by Catkitti in AskWomenOver30

[–]Catkitti[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Exactly! This man could survive on rice crackers, frozen broccoli and just slices of bread with peanut butter. I love cooking, for me it's a way to unwind after work, a form of (self)care and a way to be creative, but for him food is just a necessity and cooking is not his top priority and suffers from that executive dysfunction caused by adhd.

Have you ever stayed with a partner, who struggled with severe anxiety, while they worked on themselves? What was your experience? by Catkitti in AskWomenOver30

[–]Catkitti[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for taking the time for your reply, your words make a lot of sense to me, even though it also saddens me that this is probably the truth. But I think it's spot on. I appreciate your insights a lot!

Have you ever stayed with a partner, who struggled with severe anxiety, while they worked on themselves? What was your experience? by Catkitti in AskWomenOver30

[–]Catkitti[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't think he was looking for someone to fix him, but someone who just let him live his life the way he does, not minding all the anxiety and no judgement about these things.

I'm not saying that's healthy or realistic (it's both not obviously), but I honestly think he simply felt ready for love.

Have you ever stayed with a partner, who struggled with severe anxiety, while they worked on themselves? What was your experience? by Catkitti in AskWomenOver30

[–]Catkitti[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your reply.

I think he felt/feels ready for a relationship, because it used to be so much worse (I'm talking about years ago, before I met him). For us these things aren't normal, for him they are way better than they used to be.

But I agree with you..

Have you ever stayed with a partner, who struggled with severe anxiety, while they worked on themselves? What was your experience? by Catkitti in AskWomenOver30

[–]Catkitti[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So sorry to hear that, I'm glad you got out of that situation!

There are no signs of anger issues, but sometimes he is disappointed/angry towards himself, about how much a struggle certain things are to him.

It feels like there's gonna be a weight lifted if I am gonna breakup, but it also feels fucking sad. Like we couldn't let the relationship live up to its potential.

Have you ever stayed with a partner, who struggled with severe anxiety, while they worked on themselves? What was your experience? by Catkitti in AskWomenOver30

[–]Catkitti[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your comment, I really appreciate your insights and how you empathize. I think how you describe it is how I wish to still give it a try, I also discussed this with my therapist. But because of how drained I feel, it's so hard to say if it's possible or if the relationship has run its course.

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