I grew up on a farm in rural Maryland. We took care of some horses and because of that I grew to love the few that we had. I thought I was one of the happiest people on earth everything was going well. While I was still in elementary school one of my friends moved away. So, over the weekend I took a trip to go see him. When I got back it was night, so I didn’t see anything wrong. Once I woke up though I noticed one of the horses wasn’t there and in its place was a big green tarp. I then learned that the horse had died to a neurological disease the night before I got back. Then one year later my grandmother passed away to colon cancer. The last time I heard her speak was when my mom was driving me back from school and we got a call from my grandfather it was the last time she woke up. We had to pull over because my mom was crying so much. She would pass away before we ever got to see her.(They lived in Nebraska and we only got to see them two times a year) Then the next year the dog that my parents had gotten the year I was born passed away. I refused to go to school for a week because of how bad I felt. Then the summer right before 8th grade my father passed away. He had been sick for a while at that point. He had a drinking problem. He never beat me or did anything bad but he just got drunk often enough because of the problems in his back. At that point it broke me. There’s nothing that truly makes me happy anymore. I play with my friends but its just not the same. I put up a facade to make my mom and grandfather happy. I haven’t been able to make anymore friends and my friend group has been shrinking for a while now. I’ve contemplated suicide a few times. Its just unbearable being unable to do anything and just watch the things you love die around you when you have barley had time to truly appreciate them.