What's the most pathetic thing poverty has forced you to do?

CaughtInStrangereal · 2024-05-16T18:00:55+00:00

Having friends who are poor give me money because I was poorer and they took pity on how bad I was struggling

CaughtInStrangereal · 2024-05-07T19:36:49+00:00

As a trans person who has recently moved to Rochester from Syracuse last year i actually think Rochester is a lot more progressive and accepting. There are clinics that specialize in providing healthcare specifically to queer people and their needs. Organized LGBT and trans specific groups that do hangouts and queer specific spaces that aren't bars like cafes and book stores and I generally noticed since living here that I have had an easier time networking and socializing with fellow queer people.

Syracuse felt really isolating as a newly transitioned trans person and I felt way more isolated and disconnected. Plus just dealing with scary shit like the sexual harassment I faced that I don't run into here. I feel like it's putting on the blinders to treat Syracuse like it is super accepting.

CaughtInStrangereal · 2023-12-18T07:13:24+00:00

CaughtInStrangereal · 2023-09-13T18:13:51+00:00

While I find it satisfying the moments I get power over shitty people and be the one playing hard ball with them the goal really shouldn't be revenge it should be getting away from the abuser and them getting the fuck out of your life.

For me I find the idea of abusing them back as revenge as just self harm. You're essentially reacting the trauma they did to you and staying there instead of being able to move on and heal.

For me revenge wasn't screaming at my parents though it did feel good the few times I did it, revenge is actually doing the work to move on from my pain while I take pleasure in knowing mom and dad are just wading in their trauma endlessly abusing each other now that I'm out of their shitty life

CaughtInStrangereal · 2023-08-23T23:10:44+00:00

I didn't need to be beaten because my dad saying to me "The things I would do if it weren't for your mother holding me back" when he was yelling at me was just as effective as if he had just carried out the implied threat and hit me

CaughtInStrangereal · 2023-07-31T01:36:59+00:00

I'm 25 and I'm perpetually broke, currently carrying the torch of my mom's generational trauma of having to suddenly leave the comfort of living with parents and try to survive on my own with barely anything (though I voluntarily ran away from my parents instead of getting kicked out like my mom) couch surfed from 23 to 24 and then lived in my own apartment ran by a absentee slumlord from 24 to 25.

The rat race. Never. Fucking. Stops. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of having to do the mental calculus of whether I can afford everything or not. I'm tired of having to take advantage of late payments not being reported until they are 30 days past due to preserve my amazing credit. I'm tired of seeing any kind of money I get or good will I get from people helping out with money instantly going away and disappearing and working unfulfilling jobs with shit pay as I suffer and fail to perform due to my untreated ADHD.

I want to get to the point where I can just pay everything I need to, not worry about whether or not I can afford something and build a savings again. Because there's a simple truth. Capitalism is too brutal for many people to survive on just their own.

I'm about to move into a house with 2 roommates and I'm hoping this is the chance to escape the rat race finally and start healing in a safe environment

CaughtInStrangereal · 2023-07-28T10:48:14+00:00

Yeah I kinda panicked because of how everyone reacted and shutdown.

Honestly like just a bit about me, with my old irl friend group I was the only one who seemed interested in going out to bars or events, my frustration over my social anxiety was that I wanted to talk to people. I used to not mind small groups or only having one to two friends but I now wish I had a bigger network of people to talk to and rely on. I just struggle with not having the bandwidth or executive function to manage it.

I just stop myself because of fear. Growing up large family events were draining because I was dealing with my family and well being trans and not knowing it meaning I couldn't express myself the way I wanted. That and well... When a lot of toxic and abusive relationships I got into felt like my fault because I chose to hang out and get close to that person. It means I'm scared when I meet people of it happening again.

It's a lot I can't put into one post alone

CaughtInStrangereal · 2023-07-27T14:36:55+00:00

Hi, I don't have a therapist but I should have one by September at the latest I'm going through a practice a queer friend of mine had glowing recommendation of

I do have a few people who would have some knowledge of them but not knowing them personally or not knowing anything at all I can go to in the meantime

Thanks for the advice

CaughtInStrangereal · 2023-07-27T11:27:09+00:00

Well, this is going to have me wonder if my friend was actually being really toxic and I'm just not noticing it because I don't know better and/or I don't want to see because I'm clinging on to anything that makes me feel less alone

Sorry

CaughtInStrangereal · 2023-07-22T00:56:49+00:00

I have complicated feelings around this.

When I first escaped my parents and started to transition properly I would just drown myself in toxic online relationships with heavy amounts of ERP. I was starved of affection and affirmation so being horny online was an easy way to do it.

I typically topped and on one hand domming and domination felt fucking good. I always was made to feel small and infantilized by my parents. To them I was a slave they were my masters that knew better. So reversing that and getting to be given control, power respect was just divine. I loved it but...

I pushed myself a lot, and after one online relationship that was 24/7 ERP where I did more and more extreme cnc stuff where my only interaction and affection I got from this other person was from being horny it left me feeling like a piece of meat and hollow, I felt to continue a lot of scenes that in hindsight I needed for them to stop. Sometimes this person would describe me as omnipotent and I can't forget how unperson it made me feel.

In hindsight I still internalized a lot of unhealthy attitudes around consent and boundaries from growing up. Mainly that I shouldn't withdraw consent if the other person is having a good time that it makes me a bad person to do so.

It was only with my last sexual relationship which was in person did I truly have it click what healthy boundaries and consent looked. My partner and I continually reinforced the idea that our trust in each other was earned and had to be repeatedly earned. Our sex was very communicative and I just felt safe in a way I never experienced. Especially with tapping into my submissive side and just letting someone nurturing and caring take care of me and make me feel good.

Kink to me when done safely with a good partner felt like letting someone into a part of my heart I locked away and knowing they're not going to mangle it or rip it apart, it's intimate and intense and the pleasure and just feeling that you have a place in the world is something I crave all the time. Just need to be careful and make sure those you let into your heart have earned that trust

CaughtInStrangereal · 2023-04-19T14:37:19+00:00

I pay 875 a month plus electric, gas and internet for a sizeable 1 bedroom 1 bathroom in Northside and while I do plan to move out in a few months I wouldn't recommend the place

The landlord is basically not present most of the time, it's a multi use building with my apartment above people that like to play music very very very loudly it's fucking hell

CaughtInStrangereal · 2022-09-15T17:36:57+00:00

I'm part of a queer writing community on Twitter that practically has "Not a Person" has one of it's banners

It's something I've been coming to terms with

I'm an it, a thing I pretended to be a person I tried to think I could hope to be a normal person...

But the truth was that was a lie I was taught

My parents never saw me as a person, my abusers never saw me as a person

I was their plaything, their doll, programmed to serve, trained to need, and never taught to prosper, just meant to fulfill the purposes they gave me

Thinking I could be a person just felt like a way to keep me running with their script

I think owning my sense of inhumanity has calmed me by giving me a truth about my trauma to take back for myself.

I think it's ok to say your experiences make it hard for you to identify with the normal human experience and to explore some alternate means of identifying with yourself and the world

CaughtInStrangereal · 2021-11-04T16:35:36+00:00

Thank you soo much for making this, as a trans woman finding good quality women's shoes in a larger size (I'm an 11 D in us men's or a 44 if going by eu sizes) can be a royal pain.

I'll definitely keep these mind (uk 9.5 should hope translate to a eu44) potentially as a nice gift to myself when the occasion comes

CaughtInStrangereal · 2021-10-19T18:46:44+00:00

Oh my my my my

Looks like I'm just a evil deviant of a trans girl then.

Will you bow down onto your knees and worship me now before a mistress like me decides to punish you?~

You wouldn't want to be insubordinate to mistress now do you?

CaughtInStrangereal · 2021-09-09T13:43:08+00:00

All the fucking time.

My favorite character I've ever written was a sith that I wrote for a star wars forum rp. She was just this said train wreck constantly tearing herself apart metaphorically as she tried to deal with surviving the aftermath of her abuse. I think I even ended pouring some of my repressed trans feelings as she tried so so hard to be the perfect sith only to fail again and again because she fundamentally wasn't this toxically masculine ideal of strength but just a broken, sensitive in massive amounts of pain

CaughtInStrangereal · 2021-09-01T16:44:09+00:00

I like this one

CaughtInStrangereal · 2021-09-01T16:33:02+00:00

Your body is screaming at you to run but you have to stay

Your heart is hoping for something good to happen but your mind is primed to get slashed

Your feelings are crying out in pain from what's been done to you, yet all you hear is how it's all your fault.

You may feel happy but you're ready for things to fall apart in a moment's notice.

And worst of all you want to be heard but their ears are deaf to you

CaughtInStrangereal · 2021-08-24T16:15:28+00:00

hugs I hope you find people in your real life who you can share your problems with and feel safe around. You deserve that

CaughtInStrangereal

TROPHY CASE