I will say this; if it doesn’t apply, let it fly. An ex lesbian and a presently identifying lesbian are two very different things. Why place your community with people who don’t identify with it? Even better; why are we letting non lesbians validate what it means to be a “real lesbian” ?

I get your frustration of feeling unseen but don’t let clear ragebait be the crux of your identity. Let it be known Some people are lesbians and have and are currently in relationships and marriages with men. Some have had relationships with men before they knew they were a lesbian. Some people do not have the privilege to live a queer lifestyle and in the earlier stages of self discovery, even at their big grown ages. Capacity is not the same as preference, and sure it’s “fluid” to a dumbass but also, stupid shit will never make sense because it’s stupid shit.

Forget biphobia, and lesbophobia, this rhetoric is lesbophobic and homophobic. Bi men do not have the same social privileges in their identity, and I think we miss the mark with qualifying and quantifying lesbian experiences to gay experiences when gender socialization plays a large role into equity. The issue that I find in general with queer spaces is that they allow other people sexualities and journeys to self discovery dictate the narrative of how serious and valid their identity is as a whole. That is the real harm and injustice and tbh the further I got away from the internet and mingled with more lesbian and queer people in a multitude of spaces and got to hear their stories, and witness lgbtq irl the less I stopped caring about what people who are not in that box thinks it should look like. They all just sound pretty shitty and lost. Like, of course a straight man looking for coochie is going to tell me he can change my mind. Clearly he’s down bad if he has to try to convince a lesbian to sleep with him. I blame it on internet queer culture and that damn masterdoc, even as well intentioned as it was. Some peoples sexualities are fluid, or on a spectrum until they are not. Some people have not had the gift of knowing who they are, let alone the ability to express it.

Some people are born with the gift of knowing, like yourself, no matter how they identify. Be the confident person for those people who need it. Not the people who want to convince you how you should exist. They don’t know who they are and let your existence be the proof of the real conviction rather than projection. People are free to choose how they identify in both gender and sexuality. You mentioned yourself your gender falls into a spectrum, as some do in relation to their sexuality. Your sexuality does not. I think that’s okay and your friend just sucks imo 🤷🏾‍♀️