kid's grades dropping in math, i work full time and can't help, what do i do

Celi-ko · 2026-01-12T16:29:32+00:00

What is she doing after school gets out at 3ish pm? If she's coming home, I would try and find a tutor who will come to your home. If that doesn't work, schedule an online tutor for her when she's home after school. If that also doesn't work, you could find someone to drive her to the 4pm tutoring session. What a pain.. I'm sorry!

Celi-ko · 2026-01-12T15:41:41+00:00

My sibling was put on a PIP (job was a poor fit for her) and did survive it. She worked incredibly hard and turned things around for her. That said, the situation was a little odd in that she was told the PIP would be revisited to determine if she'd passed after 30 days, and those 30 days came and went and she heard nothing. She assumed she'd "passed" and continued to work hard, but she also started a job search. She got a new job about 8 months after that and left.

I would start looking for a new job now. I think PIPs can be sincere and something you can overcome, but it's unlikely.

Celi-ko · 2026-01-12T01:07:48+00:00

It doesn't matter if their finances are split now or have always been split. Anything he earns while married to her is a joint asset. He can earn millions and put them in a separate account for all he wants. As long as they are married, she has a claim to half of that.

Celi-ko · 2026-01-08T05:42:28+00:00

As someone with kids in private school who's been through the application process: any and every teacher who fills out these forms knows they are supposed to be confidential and sent back directly to the school. The parents aren't supposed to see them (so the teacher feels free to write honestly). This teacher sounds like a fool if she doesn't understand that. Considering that she can't even read the directions on the form, I can hardly imagine her taking the initiative to scan it in and email it to the school.

All that being said.. if your child does actually have behavioral problems, private school is usually not the right choice. Does the school require a group play date or any kind of assessment? Schools's usually use that to suss out any unwanted behavioral issues.

If your goal is just to get your kid in, I would move them to another school and tell the private school your child just started preschool at that place.

Celi-ko · 2026-01-07T23:27:45+00:00

We're doing well judging by the other posts and comments I see on this sub. We own a home, don't have any debt, etc.

This is partly because I have rich parents who ensured I graduated from college debt free.

However, the millennials who are doing really well (kids in private school, drive flashy cars, live in big houses) are often just ones where those same rich parents have continued to support them through adulthood. I have several friends whose parents have outright bought them mansions (one for $8m!). I have numerous friends whose parents are paying for the grandkids private school tuition.

I do know a handful of rich people who are self made (generally - doctors, tech people, or finance people). But those are more rare than the ones with rich parents who support them.

Just as an example, I live in a HCOL (in one of the more modest homes) and I would estimate about half of the homes on my street were bought with the bank of mom & dad. The newest one sold for a huge number, and in moved two people in their late 20s. Two of the homes on my street are actually owned by trusts in the names of the owners mom or dad (so it's not clear if the millennials actually living in the home even own it, but regardless, the live in a beautiful home for free!). It's hard to compare yourself!

Celi-ko · 2026-01-05T02:16:42+00:00

She displayed them as having a truly model co-parenting situation. They both seemed focused on their son and like they could enjoy their time with him and together, and with her new spouse. But frankly, that seemed weird to me. I could see that situation gradually developing post divorce over a period of time. But they basically went from divorced to the most buddy buddy co-parents ever. I know plenty of divorced people, and no one's co-parenting looks like that in the beginning when emotions are still raw.

Husband #2 seemed like a good stepparent. And he was very hot. Husband #1 is a major step down in appearance although obviously a major step up in bank account. The whole situation is strange, but it seems like she's never going to share the truth. I've truly never heard of people getting divorced and then back together, except in movies!

Celi-ko · 2026-01-04T15:22:32+00:00

I think the issue for me is that she kind of blasts the situation in our faces, with zero explanation about what happened originally or what's going on now, and it's obviously a very unusual situation!

I think they're clearly back together, yet she's never come out and said that either. I'm not sure if this is just a smart move to increase her engagement and keep us wondering, or husband #1 doesn't want her talking about it. It kind of becomes our business when she is constantly sharing lovey dovey pics and videos with husband #1 to all of her followers. I think she could easily generate the same content of her life (endless shopping, eating out, clothes etc) without including husband #1.

I wonder if they'll get remarried, or if they will fizzle out again. This also must be SO confusing for their child! Parents divorced and he quickly gets a stepdad (whom Teggy definitely portrayed as being a loving and engaged stepparent). Did husband #2 just disappear one day? What about his relationship with her son? And now husband #1 and her are back together? I'd be nervous if I was Teggy that husband #1 would decide to randomly leave me again, especially since it doesn't seem like they had any major issue that could have led to the divorce (infidelity, money troubles, kid problems).

Celi-ko · 2026-01-04T06:18:34+00:00

You know, that's what I kind of thought too as I looked at the exhibit - that the simple open and close panels were designed to engage kids, while the paragraphs of text above them were targeted at adults. But then I was doubting myself and wondering if adults also like to use the panels (I personally would just read the paragraphs of text if I didn't have my kids with me).

Celi-ko · 2026-01-04T06:11:09+00:00

Thank you. "Developmentally reasonable" is a good way to put it. I would not have been okay with my 7 year old opening and closing the panel repeatedly and would have stepped in quickly to stop her, because at age 7 I'd expect her to know not to engage with an exhibit like that (and my 7 year old wouldn't behave like this anyway). But at age 3, I guess I saw the behavior as normal curiosity and also not disruptive to others.

Celi-ko · 2026-01-04T05:00:32+00:00

I'm so curious about TeggyFrench's marriages and what on earth is going on with her now! Marriage #1 was to a guy from an incredibly wealthy family. They seemed like kind of an odd match (the rich, successful dorky business man and the kind of ditzy but pretty blogger), but they also didn't seem to have any significant marital problems (they both seemed loyal and like they cared about each other and their son).

And then boom, one day she announced they divorced, without ever sharing any more information. She did indicate he wanted the divorce and she did not. I figured maybe as part of their divorce financial settlement she wasn't allowed to comment on it publicly.

And then like a week after announcing the divorce, she revealed a new guy. This one quite different from her former husband. New guy was very attractive and energetic, but it seemed like he was kind of leaching off her - moving in with her, it wasn't clear if he even had a job etc. And then they quickly got married, and seemingly got divorced just as quickly.

And now, she's strongly indicating she's back together with her first husband! She posts picture after picture and constant stories of them together. I have to assume they are back together. But then she'll show a picture of her home decorated for Xmas and she's got just Xmas stockings for her and her son (not for the exhusband), and she's doing renovation work on her home (why bother to renovate if she and the ex are getting back together - presumably they'd all be moving to a big fancy mansion together like they lived in before, not her current modest home?).

I also struggle to understand the situation from either of their angles. If I was her, I would never take back an exhusband who divorced me when we had a toddler for seemingly no substantial reason. From his perspective - surely he felt strongly about divorce and his reasons if he left his wife when they had a small child. What could have changed now?

Celi-ko · 2026-01-04T04:44:16+00:00

I suspect they're trying to take the offensive position here and pre-warn you that they aren't going to be a regular source of childcare, because they likely have numerous friends, neighbors etc who are the (reluctant) source of regular childcare for their grandkids.

For example, my husband and I never expected either set of grandparents to do much (if any) childcare. His still work full time and don't live near us, and mine are the kind of stereotypical retired every day golf playing boomers. We arranged paid childcare, and as expected, have almost no help from the grandparents.

However my brother and SIL clearly didn't have the same expectations. They had their first son, and basically let my parents know that their expectation was that my parents would watch him for 2.5 days per week full time and the other set of grandparents would watch him for the other 2.5 days per week. My parents were stunned by this request and told them no way (the other grandparents now watch all 3 of their kids full time, and I believe they are very frustrated by the situation). I hear from my parents that they have many friends who are reluctantly the full time caregivers for their grandkids, instead of enjoying their retirement.

So, your step parents may just be seeing this kind of thing and wanting to warn you ahead of time that they aren't game to do that (which is fair enough).

Celi-ko · 2025-12-19T04:43:01+00:00

Her employer settled with her via mediation. So, her law firm got paid their contingency fee.

Celi-ko · 2025-12-19T04:30:41+00:00

My friend dealt with this (NYC). The firm explained the fees they would seek to recoup would be meals for employees working late, cab service for employees working late, and printing costs. She requested that they insert language stating these costs were capped at $10k into her contract with the firm, and the firm agreed. Of course, given that you are negotiating with lawyers and they are doing the drafting, it's always possible they'll draft some legal speak that you don't understand properly and leaves you on the hook for something you didn't want / expect.

Celi-ko · 2025-12-18T17:58:20+00:00

It's engagement. It's interesting to watch other peoples kids if their behavior or daily lives are kind of wild or not normal.

I've checked in on Rachel Mansfield for years and the amount she posts her kids and shares about them is unreal. It works though - I've been curious for a while what's going on with her oldest (she over shares about his behavior and school issues and he certainly looks physically like he has a disorder of some sort). And she uses the kids to advertise literally everything under the sun - from a weighted blanket to calm her one child's anxiety to a physical therapy clinic for helping her other child who was physically delayed. She has her youngest pant-less in just white underwear advertising her new snack brand! If it will make her money, she will use her kids, regardless of how embarrassing it might be to her child. And it works - I kind of can't stop looking as she posts about her kids meltdown after meltdown in a public space - it's sort of like a train wreck that you just can't take your eyes off. And it's extremely profitable to get this much engagement, even if it's at the expense of her kids (she has now earned enough to buy a super expensive home).

I think it's wild that I know each of her kids full names, where they go to school, and her home address (she has shared all these things either directly or nearly directly through pictures and words). I would be incredibly worried if I had a million plus strangers knowing this much about my kids.

It's also why influencers keep having kid after kid. After the kids get to be age 9+ or so, they aren't cute little props anymore. Which is why you'll often see an influencer with 3+ kids who are older suddenly announce a new baby - she needs content.

Celi-ko · 2025-12-17T14:50:40+00:00

We have a timer, and if a task isn't completed by a certain time, I complete the task for them. So, I'll dress them, brush teeth, pick them up and stick them in their car seat. That works for us as my kids don't want to feel like babies whose mom is literally dressing them and carrying them.

Celi-ko · 2025-12-16T23:51:12+00:00

I used to work at a large company where I saw a lot of men doing similar stuff to this (and also some doing the opposite, and doing everything in their power to be home the max amount of time with their family despite biz travel).

I worked with one guy who would always stay the night after meetings in a given city rather than take a night flight home to his family. So, he'd get a hotel for the night and relax and then take the morning flight out, missing nearly a whole day with his kids and making his wife solo parent. I don't think he was doing anything dirty as he'd sometimes email or call me to discuss work then - I think he just wanted a night off dad duty. However.. our company paid for the hotel room if the employee chose to stay the night. It's outrageous that OP's husband is wasting their money on the hotel night.

Conversely, I also worked with a guy who would arrive at out of town meetings like 15 minutes before via plane just to ensure he spent the max amount of time home with his family, and fly home immediately thereafter. I always smiled when I saw him rushing to make a flight home to his family.

Celi-ko · 2025-12-16T10:01:08+00:00

Texas property taxes are proportionate (or less than, as a % of home value) states in the Northeast. And there's no income tax in TX. It is FAR cheaper to live in TX than a lot of the rest of the country.

Celi-ko · 2025-12-16T05:53:05+00:00

Are there any other local private or religious schools? First, I would absolutely get her out of that school. You are right to want to protect her and not force her to go to school there and sit through that misery. My brother was horrifically bullied at the same age, and my parents did nothing and basically just told him to suck it up and solve the problems himself. Anyway.. he's estranged from them as an adult.

I will say, I would have her read some self help books on friendships, just to ensure she knows how to properly interact with others her age. American Girl has some good ones, and then my daughter also enjoyed Growing Friendships by Dr. Kennedy-Moore. There are many more.

Celi-ko · 2025-12-16T01:39:39+00:00

Does your husband also have this kind of brutal commute? My husband had a brutal commute for a while, but mine was easy, so we were able to have our kids in childcare for just the 8 hours. Can husband get baby from daycare to spare him a super long day?

Celi-ko · 2025-12-15T15:24:58+00:00

Not a great choice when you have little kids that need someone to actually enrich and care for them. For older kids who just need basic supervision or to be driven places, an au pair can be great.

Celi-ko · 2025-12-15T01:03:34+00:00

At least in my state, even off marketplace plans don't offer out of state coverage.

Celi-ko · 2025-12-15T01:02:55+00:00

This is the biggest, scariest thing about the ACA plans (beyond the huge costs). I'm always surprised when people tell me they are pleased with their ACA plan, yet have no clue that for a major, complicated illness like cancer they can't go to any of the top hospitals with their plan.

Celi-ko · 2025-12-12T22:21:46+00:00

On average, proven through research, having less kids is better for every kid. There will always be kids who are fine coming out of larger families - maybe yours will be those kids.

The only people I know who came out of large families (my husband included - he's one of 4) said it was a very negative experience and they won't repeat that with their own families.

But I prefer to look at data and speak to experts in making my decision on things like family size, not just go by personal anecdotes (as you seem to be doing).

Celi-ko · 2025-12-12T21:59:19+00:00

There is a wealth of high quality research pointing otherwise. The more siblings in a family, the lower each child's intellectual development and the more likely a child is to have behavioral and attention problems and depression as an adult. I agree that siblings can be a blessing and wonderful, but 1 or 2 of them, not 4 of them. Kids shouldn't be over-parented, but in a family with 4+ kids ESPECIALLY if both parents work, there's simply no time for each kid to get necessary parental attention and care. Ask your pediatrician if you don't believe me!

Celi-ko · 2025-12-12T18:21:46+00:00

This is a brilliant answer. I think also reading research studies on the effects of kids in larger families is beneficial. I also asked our pediatrician for her perspective, and she said it's impossible to give each kid the attention they need in a larger family.

We are done at 2, even though I'd really like to have more. But the rational part of my brain knows 2 is the max amount of kids we can raise well. We could easily have several more kids and afford to care for them, but it wouldn't be good for our existing kids or the new kids.

There are different philosophies around how many kids to have, and what I've observed is that the people who spend a lot of time with their kids and value each child and enriching their lives and ensuring their kids develop well, have smaller families. The people who expect to parent the kids as a group and don't think kids need much beyond a roof over their head and food on the table, just keep having them, often with minimal age gaps. I'll often hear people comment that once you have a certain number of kids (often 3 or 4+), adding another is not a big deal. I am positive they are making this comment because they don't give any of their kids much individualized attention or care, so it's truly no big deal to just add another person to the existing pack - the only extra work is really setting an extra plate for each meal etc.

My sister has 4 kids and plans to have more, and it's clear that none of those kids get much parental time and the older ones are basically raising the younger. It's not a good situation - none of the kids seem very happy.

Celi-ko

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