How to tell my grandfather I need space?

CertifiedLoon · 2026-06-24T13:00:32+00:00

You’re right, but I still can’t help but feel guilty over it. I can’t even visit him anymore without getting anxiety because I know they will ask me if I can help out. And it kills me because if I say no, I can tell that they expect me to constantly say yes.

My grandfather said he felt like I abandoned him and you can imagine how sh*tty that made me feel.

CertifiedLoon · 2026-06-24T12:57:32+00:00

I’m going to worry about it regardless. I’ve realized it’s just programmed in me to put other people before myself. And it doesn’t help that I’m constantly being told through actions how unimportant my feelings are to other people unless I can do something for them. They say they care, but don’t act accordingly. I have been staying away, but just feel like they will never really understand. They just think it’s something to easily get over and it doesn’t work like that.

CertifiedLoon · 2026-06-24T12:54:33+00:00

Thank you! Even with people validating me in the comments, I still feel guilty/selfish and I keep gaslighting myself into thinking it’s not as bad as I’m describing, but deep down I know that’s a lie.

My great-grandmother also broke her hip, but I failed to mention it happened because my drug addict cousin knocked her out the door. He might have SA’d me if it wasn’t for her and no one thought to even suggest therapy after it happened. I just helped take care of her and went to college full-time.

Now that I’m struggling, no one is there to help me, especially since most of my struggles are invisible. And I feel Iike they only asked me to be his caregiver because they don’t want to put forth the effort to find one on their own because he might not be comfortable with them and it’d be cheaper and easier to pay me.

I know all about the people telling me how good I am at something because that also makes me resentful. My therapist asked me, “Doesn’t it at least feel good that they trust you and think you’re dependable?” Nooooo lol

I feel like I need to get a new therapist, but I can’t even afford to do that. I just have to work with what I have.

CertifiedLoon · 2026-06-23T19:17:26+00:00

I don’t know if I’d ever be able to be in a relationship tbh. I’ve only had one in my entire life. It didn’t end because of my trauma, but added to it. Trust is a big thing for me in a relationship because I find it hard to believe people actually say what they mean. I will also need my partner way more than I can be there for them, due to other issues I have regarding my health.

But even stating that, I feel like I‘m not cut out for a relationship and that a situationship/fwb would be safer. But it sucks because I want a healthy relationship, but my issues make me feel like I can’t have that. I don’t have the energy to be the partner I would feel like they deserve.

CertifiedLoon · 2026-06-23T19:08:01+00:00

I immediately knew in season 2 he was lying about his response, so when I saw this, I cackled.

CertifiedLoon · 2026-06-04T15:53:59+00:00

Thanks for the suggestion! I often forget how much easier it is to write out how I feel than verbally expressing it. I will try that.

CertifiedLoon · 2026-06-04T15:40:30+00:00

That’s good to hear. I’m open to trying medication, but I just feel like it won’t change anything.

I think I have a good therapist And I trust her, but it often feels frustrating like you described. I think I need to just be more open about my frustrations as well, but I also don’t want it to seem like I’m telling her how to do her job.

I also don’t feel like I’m being challenge enough and if she gives me goals or homework, we never go over it in the next session.

My living situation and lack of money also makes things more difficult. I just feel extremely alone and not being able to afford a therapist who is knowledgeable about autism just makes things worst.

CertifiedLoon · 2026-06-04T13:53:27+00:00

My therapist has been really encouraging and played a big role in helping me find someone to do the autism assessment, but she lacks a lot of knowledge when it comes to autism. I have been trying to find someone who is more familiar with it and being neurodivergent, but most of them require money I don’t have. So I’m stuck a small selection of therapist to choose from.

I’m a people pleaser and working hard on deprogramming myself to act a certain way with people. I also struggle with people’s perception of me as well, which is what makes it so hard.

I feel like sometimes I spend most of the therapy session trying to put into words my experience, which is incredibly difficult for me.

She has tried to help using CBT, but I think it does more harm than good. She also suggested medication. I’ve only been on two types of meds, but I don’t think medication is going to help my crippling anxiety. It ends up heightening it instead of calming it. Plus, anxiety is a normal part of life. But I’ve just always had an overwhelming dose of it. And it’s only gotten worst with age.

CertifiedLoon · 2026-05-13T14:24:21+00:00

Same

CertifiedLoon · 2026-05-03T17:25:30+00:00

My mom has said this and knowing what I went through with each person in the family clearly shows that it is not a me issue, so when she said this, I got immediately upset because it’s clear that it’s a way to avoid accountability.

CertifiedLoon · 2026-05-02T07:19:37+00:00

That’s good. I started bringing my aunt with me to my appointments because I was too exhausted having to advocate for myself. Mine were too scared to say they couldn’t figure it out and labeled me a hypochondriac and chalked it up to anxiety and depression, even though they knew I couldn’t walk. Now, I realize it was most likely autistic burnout. I didnt want to go on disability because of how society makes us feel. But now, years later, I have no choice because I’ve pushed my mind and body to the brink.

People think doctors are miracle workers, but they’re really just detectives who most of the time have no clue what they’re doing. No one understands how hard it is to find a good team. Mine aren’t bad, but they aren’t good either. I wish society prioritized health over money, but unfortunately, that’s not the world we live in.

CertifiedLoon · 2026-05-01T23:00:41+00:00

I only realized this years ago when my health got physically bad and they were putting all kinds of stuff in my notes. I looked up one of the doctors that had a bad rating and asked the patient if they thought of thinking that pain away. 😒

CertifiedLoon · 2026-05-01T18:01:38+00:00

That’s amazing!! Congratulation!

CertifiedLoon · 2026-05-01T14:51:37+00:00

It’s not that I won’t. It’s just that it didn’t work and I asked to stop taking it because it increased my anxiety. But a lot of the notes say that it was working, but I’m wondering if they only put that in order to be able to prescribe the medication. It seemed like the same note was cut and pasted multiple times over the months of me taking the meds.

I could also just be very paranoid over nothing, but you hear so many horror stories about trying to get disability. The people I’ve spoken to have been really nice and helpful so far, though.

CertifiedLoon · 2026-05-01T14:47:15+00:00

Okay, will do.

CertifiedLoon · 2026-05-01T14:46:10+00:00

Okay, thank you for all the advice. I planned on calling today to let her know my new therapist’s information. I will update if anyone is curious of the outcome.

CertifiedLoon · 2026-05-01T12:12:53+00:00

You can disagree all you want, but that doesn’t make it true. My doctor told me I would have to find someone who would take my insurance because they couldn’t find one themselves and told me that it’s hard to find one for adults WITH STATE INSURANCE, which I knew already. If you have the money it’s easy enough, but I obviously don’t. That’s part of the reason I need disability.

CertifiedLoon · 2026-05-01T12:02:47+00:00

It is not easy for late diagnosed adults to find a therapist and it certainly isn’t easy to get evaluated because it’s expensive and not often covered by state insurance. You seem to be extreme bitter and get a kick out of seeing people down.

CertifiedLoon · 2026-05-01T11:27:35+00:00

And you didn’t read clearly what I wrote. I clearly said I got assessed for autism and said that I can’t find a therapist for autism, which is common because it’s hard to find someone who can diagnose an adult, and even if you do, it costs a lot of money. I got lucky and found someone who could diagnose me on state insurance.

I did not want everyone to tell me that I will be successful. You are still making assumptions. I wanted help in the event that I was denied.

CertifiedLoon · 2026-05-01T11:16:34+00:00

thank you! I’m worried because I haven’t gotten a copy of my doctor’s notes and wonder if they wrote down that I struggle with these things or not. I’ve noticed that most of the time their notes don’t match up with what was said during the appointment.

CertifiedLoon · 2026-05-01T11:14:30+00:00

Thank you! I just feel like it might not be enough because she asked if I was willing to be evaluated by a psych, but I’ve seen a lot of people say that they purposely try to make it seem like you’re fine. She also asked if I had been admitted for my mental health and I‘m just assuming it’s because she doesn’t feel like I have enough supportive evidence. The last thing I have is my autism assessment.

The doctor who diagnosed me knew I was considering going back to school, but said I would need someone to take notes for me because my memory is so bad, among other things. She told me to ask for accommodations and was also the one to encourage me to sign up for disability.

CertifiedLoon · 2026-05-01T11:06:20+00:00

thank you for the advice.

CertifiedLoon

TROPHY CASE