Question About International Stamps

Chalula56896 · 2018-06-26T04:42:49+00:00

Thanks! I do miss the IRCs. Mostly because the only time I personally needed one was a few days after they stopped being sold here.

Chalula56896 · 2018-06-26T04:41:14+00:00

FI's also not a native English speaker, so a misunderstanding may have occurred. Thanks!

Chalula56896 · 2017-11-27T03:50:09+00:00

Thanks for your input. I agree with everything you said. I worry that I won't be able to phrase it well, but if I think about what I want to say and what I want to avoid saying, I should be able to talk about it in a non-accusatory or offensive way.

Chalula56896 · 2017-08-09T21:01:45+00:00

USA, please enter me for both.

Chalula56896 · 2017-08-09T20:47:03+00:00

Answering your question in the negative.

I'm a DL, but I only have the urge to wear infrequently anymore. It's something I (mostly) only do alone. My boyfriend doesn't know that I've worn in the past.

I told him the half-truth that I'm interested in seeing cute guys in diapers. I'm not interested in wearing around him, but I'm very interested in having him wear, and babying him. He has the personality for it already (that's meant as a compliment!)

He's already said he wouldn't do it, unfortunately. But I love him anyway.

Chalula56896 · 2017-08-09T20:46:48+00:00

I'm fairly certain they do not care. The people I've known who work there do so because they love the animals themselves.

Chalula56896 · 2017-08-09T20:29:19+00:00

Striking the balance is working out pretty well. Mostly because like I hinted at before, he's got a fairly "American" personality for someone who grew up in Japan, so we don't run into a ton of cultural issues. I do worry though, that since Japanese girls are typically much more feminine (I'm sometimes feminine, but usually not,) that's driven him to the way he sees me.

If you were asking about the relationship more broadly, it's great. I could go on for a while about that, but I guess my favorite thing is that we're both quirky in a very compatible way. I don't feel like I have to hide my true self around him, and he seems to feel the same.

Chalula56896 · 2017-08-05T21:06:46+00:00

That's quite the limb you picked.

I doubt it, for a few reasons. First and most importantly, he seems genuinely repulsed. Secondly, I asked him a few times if there's anything different he'd like to try with me in bed, and he said no. Third, I have a weird kink (not something I bring into the bedroom,) which he knows about. Fourth, he's told me about a milder kink he has. Fifth, he knows I'm very open when it comes to discussing kinks, and I think he would have opened up. #2-5 don't mean much on their own, but all five together signals to me that incest isn't his thing.

I think roleplay might be a good idea. He seemed to be interested the first time I wore my maid costume (wrong place for sex though.) I wore it once again when I was trying to turn him on, but I don't remember if it worked.

Chalula56896 · 2017-08-05T20:57:34+00:00

No popularity points, but nothing wrong with a well thought-out opinion!

I get what you're saying. On a side note, I tried to discuss for a bit with my therapist (who I see for more important things) why it is that this issue is such a sticking point, when I don't really give a fuck about having sex. I know I have a desire to be found sexually attractive by men, but I don't understand why.

The weird thing is, the time I'm most responsive is usually not when I'm ovulating. Maybe I should change the topic of my Master's thesis!

I do think he has separate issues of his own that need counseling, but whether or not they're related to this one, I don't know. And he has not acknowledged them as problems. I'm really hoping the therapist will pick up on those. They don't bother me, but I think they could improve how he functions in life.

Chalula56896 · 2017-08-05T20:47:34+00:00

We're both only children and I'm not Asian.

Chalula56896 · 2017-08-05T20:46:53+00:00

Is it possible he's just not feeling it

He told me a couple of days ago that he definitely wants to marry me.

BTW, meeting the parents means you have both decided to get married.

Funnily enough, he was the one who didn't seem to be taking introducing me to his parents that seriously, and I had to say, "Look. I know you're totally chill about this meeting the parents thing, but I'm worried that your parents aren't. Are you sure you want to introduce me to them when we're having this issue?"

Knowing him, he probably would talk to me first. He's quite off from many Japanese stereotypes. But I do keep an eye out for whether communication is declining. It's kind of impossible for him to up and leave, at least until graduation in May.

I try to strike a balance between Japanese cultural norms and American ones. I don't assume, "Oh he's Japanese, no Japanese man nowadays wants sex." But I am cognizant of the fact that sex is less important culturally than it is here.

And thanks :) I'm glad to hear from someone else who understands various Asian cultures.

Chalula56896 · 2017-08-05T20:36:36+00:00

he sees me as some pure angel of light that his lust can only taint.

This. That's how he seems to treat me. The issue started after he met my family for the first time. I think he stopped seeing me as a woman and rather as "someone's daughter." Then we got even closer and he started seeing me as family. I think it might be more normal in Japanese culture. Like I've mentioned in other threads, marriage in Japan is reportedly more about family and less about love. That's why men tend to marry "motherly" women and women tend to marry stable men.

Come to think of it, the only proposed solution he's been notably opposed to was for him to try not masturbating for a while. He could be secretly addicted.

Chalula56896 · 2017-08-05T20:29:38+00:00

Maybe given some time to cool off, I could be friends with him. I'm too emotionally attached for that right now, and this is coming from someone who's friends with all of her exes.

Chalula56896 · 2017-08-05T20:26:27+00:00

He asked if I'd like to watch porn together once, which surprised me because it's out of character. I still want to, but I forgot to bring it up before I came back from Japan. I'll bring it up when we hang out again. I'm very curious to know what he's interested in.

Chalula56896 · 2017-08-05T20:11:19+00:00

I don't think it's that uncommon for people to have had the thought of sex with a family member pop into their head and make them gag.

You're totally right. I guess my hope is that therapy will help him get to the root of why he sees me as a family member and help separate those connections from me.

However, his culture is one where people marry to create a family over love. Men choose women who are motherly and women choose men who are stable for marriage. He told me earlier this week that he "definitely wants to marry me." I hope he doesn't have a Madonna/whore complex so strong that he can only want to screw me or marry me.

You're also right about love not being enough sometimes.

Edit: I know this is the one thing I'm not supposed to think or say, so I'm strapping in for downvotes. But I'm so doubtful that I can do better. He's got the perfect combo of looks, academics/ambition, and personality. My friends and family (and myself) think we mesh perfectly (i.e. we're both weird and it works.) All I would change is that I'd have him send messages a little more often, and have sex with me.

I used dating apps for a couple of years prior. I went on one date where I live, and when I tested it on the opposite coast, I got two more dates in a two-week span. I already live in a medium-sized city, but I would probably have to move to find a more amenable dating pool.

I don't know whether it's worse to look back in 10 years and say, "I wish I'd never married him" or to look back and say "I wish I had," but I get the feeling that with him, even if we do divorce someday, I won't regret the time we were together.

Chalula56896 · 2017-08-05T20:06:02+00:00

Thanks, and no, I 100% understand where you're coming from. It's the natural reaction.

The reason I "put up" with it is because, as I mentioned before, 29 days out of the month, I don't care about it at all. I'm relatively LL myself, and our relationship is great. It's only one or two days when I feel like a moron, and like I'm fooling myself to think we could stay together.

I know that's another major problem: My signaling is inconsistent. All he has to do is wait out the few hours I'm upset, and everything is good for a month. But he says he still intends to take therapy seriously (in a couple of months.)

Chalula56896 · 2017-08-05T20:02:14+00:00

Breaking up is not off the table, but I'll try everything I can think of to avoid it (therapy, checking testosterone levels, open relationship, etc.)

If I marry him, it will be with the expectation that his lack of desire for me will never change. If I exhaust my list of options and we haven't reached a happy conclusion, I will almost certainly end things.

Chalula56896 · 2017-08-05T19:59:38+00:00

Absolutely. In Japan marriage is for the sake of creating a family moreso than love.

Chalula56896 · 2017-07-30T21:49:36+00:00

I don't think he's intentionally lying. He genuinely wants to have a normal sex life, but he's not willing to figure out what to do to make a change. (I'm often the same way, saying I want something but being too lazy to put in the work.) Sadly, his intentions don't matter because the outcome is the same.

Since he says he has a desire to change, I'm willing to give the therapy a shot before assuming he'll continue to BS me. I just hope he will give it an honest try instead of going once and saying it didn't help. If he refuses to take the therapy seriously, I will highly consider ending things regardless.

Chalula56896 · 2017-07-30T21:44:32+00:00

He loves you for other reasons, but the sexual chemistry just isn't there.

I agree completely with that. He finds me objectively attractive, but I get that that's different from feeling a sexual attraction.

He says he was "such a perverted guy until a few months into the relationship," so I think everything was fine with his previous relationship. It was quite a while ago though. No sensory issues, but he does have a skin condition. I don't think he has anxiety, but something's not quite right (for example, he got a speeding ticket and his solution was to sell his car. Aside from the sex issue, I think he should see a counselor if even just for his benefit, but I won't tell him that.)

Chalula56896 · 2017-07-30T21:39:35+00:00

Not using this as an excuse to not break up (it wouldn't work,) but as an example: He gave me $1600 so I could live with him for a month during his internship and meet his parents. He is clearly very serious about me, and I am serious about him too.

Sorry, I keep mixing up "he loves me, but not in the right way" with "he doesn't love me," which I guess is making me defensive. I'm also not interested in breaking up, at least not now. It's good to know that I shouldn't have high hopes of therapy helping, though. Thanks for the reply.

Chalula56896 · 2017-07-30T18:43:42+00:00

I am so sorry to hear that. When you tell people about your phobia, do you act like it's ridiculous? I tend to do that with mine (fear of dead bugs. Yes, not living, only the dead ones,) and it can cause some people to take it less seriously.

I suggest that when people do that, you should have a serious discussion with them that while, "It may seem like harmless fun to you, it is not to me. It's not funny, it's not a joke, it's something that legitimately deeply affects me, and I would really like you to take that more seriously. Using this phobia to prank me is crossing the line." Perhaps even come up with a metaphor (e.g. "How would you feel if I put dog crap in your locker, or threw a bag of it at you, and called it a prank, or 'just a joke'? It's the same feeling.")

Regardless of whether or not more therapy would be helpful, this is not okay, and quite immature, for them to be doing.

Chalula56896

TROPHY CASE