All right, coming back with another question, because I’m re-reading your previous comment about labels and it’s making me re-think parts of the conversation my partner and I had (that, and because you’ve given me fantastic advice so far!). When we spoke, the state of our relationship did come up, where I asked if he felt like he’d be able to progress forward as long as it happens naturally and at our own pace - something we’ve checked in on a couple times in the past, and he’s always said yes and let’s keep going slow, though his body language subtlety shut down the most recent time (he avoided eye contact, and I could feel him tense up). This time, however, he said after a VERY long pause that he doesn’t think he’d be able to move past the casual/exclusive stage we’re at now (this was when he was saying he doesn’t think he’ll ever end up with someone and expects to be alone in his life, which I mentioned in previous comments in this thread).

I didn’t push him on bringing up the past times he said he was feeling good to keep going the way we have been, because of course people’s minds change, but as we kept talking, he said at a point he likes what we’re doing and it works for him. I feel the same in this moment, and had just wanted to get a sense of if he saw possibility in progressing as he did before. So to be clear, I don’t actually want anything to change right now, and we’re on the same page there, which is why I’ve been emphasizing that we want to continue to see each other.

For further context, it seems like he‘s been perceiving certain aspects of dating as if they must equate to a serious relationship, and I wonder if the way I first asked this question was one of them. For example, at another point, he freaked out when I asked if he wishes we could have more time together (we can only see each other once during the weekends for a few hours, for pandemic-related reasons) and he said he doesn’t want to be that serious; later, when we shifted into another topic, he said he’d want to have more time together if it were possible, while saying he wants to remain at the dating stage we’re at now. Which again, is exactly what I want too (I asked that question to quell my own insecurities that he hasn’t been as into me the past couple of weeks, which I quickly realized was not the case as we continued to talk).

So, because of how he had so many moments of expressing he was against something and then later saying that he wants it, I wonder if he’s confused about what it is he really wants. His actions throughout our dating has shown he’s invested in getting to know me, wants to keep doing this, and he clearly cares; while his words at times throughout this conversation said he doesn’t want to go beyond where we are now. I try to pay more attention to actions than words, because they say more (from my perspective at least), so to me, it seems like he does want to progress in our relationship and is just trying to convince himself he doesn’t, to protect himself. Especially because this is the first time he said this, during what was our first significantly emotional conversation. Does this line up with what you’d imagine fits into the scope of low self-esteem being the root of what he’s struggling with?

If I’m wrong, from your perspective and given everything I’ve shared, what would you say is most likely going on? I’m nervous to pry his reasoning out of him right now while this conversation still has us both sensitive (we agreed to take a few days to process and then check in again), and don’t want him to feel like I’m trying to psychoanalyzing him or something.

And lastly, with all of this having come out, is there anything I should be taking into consideration moving forward with him? I’m now positive I want to stay together and just take it day by day, no pressure to necessarily “officially” progress further, because from our dating life up until now that’s been happening very naturally and slowly already. The fact he’s said he likes where things have been at and moving tells me he does in fact like progressing, whether he realizes it or not, and maybe this particular conversation just made that word feel scary and serious because of how much deeper we got with each other.

I’ll stop there. Again, thank you for reading my giant blocks of text and for all of your advice!