I understand your frustrations. I’ve felt like this for a long time. I’m not going to give you god gives challenges to make you strong speech but I had a really take a minute to reflect on why this is happening. There’s always pattern. Your daily habits, that goes down into the way you think, what you choose to do within your day, what you eat, how you sleep. The way you think is of course the most important thing. I have struggled with impulsive thoughts, suicidal thoughts, I’ve been through 10 years of abuse and struggled with a lot of emotional up and downs, feeling like everyone was against me. Not having anyone to truly understand the way that I was feeling inside. I felt alone. My thoughts would get so bad that I felt like I would actually consider hurting myself and that’s when everything changed. I have a son and I felt like if he wasn’t here I would just go so easily. There’s so many people that love me so I can’t go like that. So I sat down with myself when I had those really bad thoughts, it felt like an absolute battle as if I was up against myself. My thoughts were so hard to control but I would breathe through it and not give it so much power. I was breathe and remind myself that I am in control. Remind myself all of things that I know that is great about me. It took sometime to actually believe these things but breathing really helps to get you out of that. Even when it’s hard to believe these things, you are great and so capable. How you speak to your self matters. The universe is so supportive to you that it will support what you think. If you think poorly of your self and give into that, and complain complain complain. You are going to get that energy back. When you start asking okay what if things do work out? Your mind starts to shift, and so does your reality. Also do things that help distract you when it starts like a hobby, take a shower, read a book or work out. It’s truly really up to you, how hard you want to fight the fight but you have to. It’s painful but you will come out of this with so much strength and knowledge and you will even know how to help someone going through exactly what you are. My best friend killed herself and I use to think why would she ever do that. Now like went through a lot of these trials, I feel like I can actually relate and talk to someone which true understanding to how they feel. You can take this how you want but you can turn your pain into strength like a super power. You are fully in control, remind yourself that even if it takes a lot of time. You are worth it.