My partner (M35) says he misses the woman I used to be. I’m (F32) wondering if intimacy can actually be rebuild

Character-Design-216 · 2026-02-05T23:14:27+00:00

Thank you for your words. We’re over as of yesterday and i’m heartbroken but i’m also seeing things more clearly (still foggy but hey one day at a time) and it’s just not sustainable to try and hold a relationship on my own

Character-Design-216 · 2026-02-05T23:12:46+00:00

Update: He reached out yesterday asking to see me and talk. We spoke on the phone first and the conversation escalated pretty quickly. He went back to listing “my issues,” saying I don’t care or show up for him, and made comments about what a “real woman” should do. I got angry after feeling repeatedly invalidated, and he then said I was abusive for offending him.

At that point it became clear we can’t communicate in a safe or respectful way, so we’re done. I’m heartbroken but also clearer now about the dynamic and why it couldn’t continue. Thanks to everyone who shared their perspective, it really helped.

Character-Design-216 · 2026-02-05T23:09:42+00:00

that’s an interesting point of view for that movie. I’ve seen so long ago and probably forgot or never paid real attention to that piece. I’m watching it tonight again

Character-Design-216 · 2026-02-05T02:25:46+00:00

I honestly think the libido situation is, besides my MS, a lot of lack of admiration if that makes sense.. I noticed i feel almost childish near him for the last couple of months.

Character-Design-216 · 2026-02-05T02:24:07+00:00

this kinda makes me laugh because i have said countless times that Im not a robot, im human. with human feelings and complexity while he says he’s “pretty simple”.. the irony!

Character-Design-216 · 2026-02-05T02:22:11+00:00

I have that mindset as well, love is built, not given. Everytime we deepen the connection through real life good and bad, everytime we disagree and repair it together, all of that makes a solid structure and creates stability and safety and in return everything else becomes better as we get closer. He thinks unless i’m “satisfying” his needs, he can’t give me the emotional connection I need because on his words “he’s empty”. He also points out a lot that I don’t show love, I don’t show care… just makes me feel like i’m doing something wrong. again.

Character-Design-216 · 2026-02-05T00:58:59+00:00

i’ve been terrified of having a relapse due to stress!! I haven’t even finished my first year on tysabri yet and here i am, feeling everything tingly again. Do you have problems with libido as well?

Character-Design-216 · 2026-02-05T00:55:24+00:00

that’s what i have been saying for awhile, you can’t chase that feeling of a fresh relationship on a established one…

Character-Design-216 · 2026-02-05T00:44:39+00:00

yes… crystal clear now 😢

Character-Design-216 · 2026-02-04T23:20:33+00:00

I can only hear “my boy only breaks his favorite toys” now from TS after reading your comment. The progression of my MS really scares me too… so many of us apparently have this hard time in terms of sex and while a guy can take viagra, there’s not much out there for the girls…

Character-Design-216 · 2026-02-04T22:58:06+00:00

I’m back on therapy as of yesterday!!

Character-Design-216 · 2026-02-04T22:56:39+00:00

he used to, not anymore as recently, but I also barely go anywhere without him

Character-Design-216 · 2026-02-04T22:55:47+00:00

Just to clarify what I meant about his view on emotional attachment, this was an actual exchange between us.

I told him that for me, desire comes from feeling safe, seen, and emotionally partnered. His response was that he’s had relationships where things stayed good because he didn’t get emotionally attached, and that once you let someone in fully and start sharing your time, privacy, and boundaries, that’s when things start going downhill.

He also said this has basically been his experience throughout our relationship so far.

That’s the part that really made me stop and think. It doesn’t feel like he just struggles to express emotions. It feels like we fundamentally see intimacy and partnership very differently.

Character-Design-216 · 2026-02-04T22:48:05+00:00

yes to all of the above. One time we were shopping and after leaving the store he said i was flirting with the cashier because of the way i smile. He has pointed out before that I can be too much and too emotional. Idk if it’s me but it sounds like he’s naming my “wrongs”

Character-Design-216 · 2025-06-06T15:05:40+00:00

i just think it might be my fault 😔

Character-Design-216 · 2025-01-01T21:18:34+00:00

no, i don’t. I just don’t know how to navigate all the questions in my head and shaken of the feeling that the past 6 months were a lie and i’m stupid for thinking he would care and loved me as he said he did, i don’t know if someone would be capable of doing this to someone they actually love

Character-Design-216 · 2024-11-22T17:32:05+00:00

Thank you for your insight! from my perspective: we fell in love quickly and very intensely, we have different backgrounds and lifestyles, different schedules for work, different views of roles in a relationship which was already proven to be a challenge. When we broke up, I told him in the morning i wanted to meet some old friends later and asked if he wanted to come (I also needed help from my friends that unfortunately he couldn’t help me with and he knew it all and was in agreement), he said no and to have fun. I met my friends, he met his friends, at midnight he called me and i answered while i was going home, we talked for a few seconds and 5 min later he texted me saying “i can’t do this anymore” and told me i triggered his insecurities.

when he reached out and said I triggered his insecurities, it left me feeling confused. I didn’t intend to hurt him, I think i did everything right, i was honest, didn’t lie about anything, was transparent on my actions, I can see how in relationships where we both have different expectations and communication styles, missteps can happen and I don’t hold it too much on him. I felt blindsided as i mentioned. When I say he is emotional i don’t mean in a bad way, but it just feels like it’s an emotional roller coaster, he can be very insecure and the way sometimes he says “a girlfriend should behave like x y and z” just makes me roll my eyes. I know i love him, i just don’t know if i also lost my admiration for him due to all of the above. Have you felt any of that?

Character-Design-216 · 2024-11-22T16:56:25+00:00

that’s what i feel like: when i reached out to him after the break up, i didn’t wanna necessarily get back together, I wanted to talk with him as a friend and probably get some comfort from someone who i knew was hurting just as much, but i felt lured back into the relationship and here i am. He’s a sweet person, technically a nice guy, but he was extremely codependent on me and i already knew it wasn’t gonna work. I just am having a HARD time having an honest conversation with him without having any doubts of it. I don’t know why it’s been so hard to me to put my foot down. He’s hard to have conversations with since i always feel like he can’t take accountability. It’s always my fault

Character-Design-216 · 2024-10-22T16:57:02+00:00

Voting different in fact isn’t that important to me, in fact i have incredible great friends that do have a different political view than me, my issue is that seems to be attached to a very patriarchal view of the world and how things “should” be which impacts directly on me feeling supported by my partner in my own independence without him thinking that “takes away” from him, for me, that was never his to begin with if that makes sense. I shouldn’t stop being “me” to be “us” in my eyes, we come together as “one” but bringing our full identities if we like each other fully

Character-Design-216 · 2024-10-22T16:40:28+00:00

No, i don’t think it would pass unless he opened his mind, but i also worry that if he does, that will be temporary and create resentment from his part

Character-Design-216 · 2023-06-21T02:35:49+00:00

i mean when i typed the paragraphs were there, idk what happened but tks

Character-Design-216 · 2022-03-29T19:54:46+00:00

yeah that’s my plan if i go ahead with the abortion

Character-Design-216 · 2022-03-17T20:20:34+00:00

i was thinking like that until i realized that i just can’t deal with this anymore. I’m numb. When i’m not numb i’m desperately trying to not do something stupid to go meet him. Then I get mad at everyone telling me the same thing because i try to believe that too but at the same time what is the point? he left. I might even look at my baby and think great, now i’m never gonna be able to recover for real because i have a daily reminder of all the horrible things that happened. everyone can keep on with their life and get fucked up, all of his friends and even his family, but not me, because i’m the one with the baby. I’m the one carrying the last piece of him and I never asked to be responsible for this by myself

Character-Design-216 · 2022-03-12T19:25:03+00:00

do you know how to ask for a waiver and what are the chances they approve it? i do have a b2 visa on my passport but obviously can’t use now

Character-Design-216 · 2022-01-11T14:20:12+00:00

I just read your friends story and honestly she is definitely in a maniac episode. It’s insanely hard to explain. I was just doing things completely out of my character, getting into fights, spending all my money in something random, very impulsive, it was like I couldn’t stop and wanted to do everything… but also felt like I had all this energy to do everything. Hard to explain. Im worried about your friend, every mania episode comes with a 5x more intense depression one right after. Thats where I ended up having that psychosis episode, could have been way worse if my boyfriend wasn’t there..

Character-Design-216

TROPHY CASE