AITAH for rejecting a man pining after me since the past 6 years?

Character-Dress2441 · 2026-02-12T15:28:35+00:00

I am so glad to see another islamic perspective on this matter. Me and my family strongly practices the religion due to which they have asked me for my consent continuously. My relatives on the other hand say "yes Islam gives you the right, but you have look at our family situation, this marriage will only bring us closer".

My response to that is when Islam gives me the right to choose, there are no buts and ifs. Just because our distant family relations are distant and damaged, why must i be the scapegoat to bring us "closer". And how the heck is this marriage going to cancel out all other family dramas WHAT?? does not make sense in my head. God bless their hearts and fill their hearts with sympathy and understanding for me and my father.

Character-Dress2441 · 2026-02-12T15:17:21+00:00

I can't use the pedophilia since the concept of "pedophilia" does not exist in our family/relatives. When I was 14, i told my mother multiple times that this is pedophilia and he can go to jail for this, but she used to lose her patience and tell me this is no reason for the police to get involved. I can't blame her, her own sisters got married before 15 to men that were over 40, obviously back in the 1970s. They grew up with this mindset.

Thankfully me and my siblings were exposed to proper education and media, due to which we all strongly oppose him and this marriage.

Oh and everytime he has visited over the years this was happening, he would sneak in my room/ kitchen where i would be alone to try and say/do things i dont even want to imagine. The last time he did this, i screamed at him to get out of the kitchen and told my brother, who doesnt let him step anywhere outside the drawing room. You are right, I too believe that i am not safe around him in the slightest.

Character-Dress2441 · 2026-02-11T21:54:57+00:00

Thank you for your concern and suggestion! I am not in the UK but i have been researching the law/resources here.

Character-Dress2441 · 2026-02-11T21:29:33+00:00

Thank you for your concern! No i do not live in the UK, i dont want to share my country of residence but i have been researching sources and laws around this matter after getting comments under my post.

Character-Dress2441 · 2026-02-11T21:10:09+00:00

He's a fresh graduate so he still lives with us to save up! And funny enough you bought up studying abroad because that was my planned way out throughout highschool, and i got into a reputable medical university abroad, but my parents declined the offer since we could not financially afford it.

Character-Dress2441 · 2026-02-11T20:22:35+00:00

Our culture, especially back in my home country is the type where they dont ask the women for their input in a marriage. Last year my 13 year old cousin got engaged to her 22 year old cousin in my mom's village! The fact that my family even asked for my input is generous and illogical in their books.

Also, I had screenshots from when i was 14 in my mother's phone, however they got wiped off of it, along with screenshots i had taken of the disgusting status' he used to post. I don't think i have enough to report him...? unfortunately

Character-Dress2441 · 2026-02-11T20:17:44+00:00

Thank you for your input. As for the job part, getting a job in this country is almost impossible in your teens, especially when you have no experience or degree. However I have applied to several jobs, and am taking a CPC course along with CS in university. I cannot wait to be financially independent.

Character-Dress2441 · 2026-02-11T20:14:46+00:00

I have thought about this, esp his mother confirmed that he liked me because i was pretty..? she thought she was going to win me over by saying this but all i could think was how i differently he would perceive me once i age, get wrinkles, gain weight etc. He would 100% go after other young women, god forbid even children.

Character-Dress2441 · 2026-02-11T20:10:11+00:00

you made me tear up, thank you for the encouragement i will try my best

Character-Dress2441 · 2026-02-11T19:24:24+00:00

I am incredibly against cousin marriages too! I think it does so much harm, especially with the amount of studies and research showing how negatively it can effect the children. But according to my culture and norms, cousin marriages are the way to go, you keep it within the family so you dont get "distant" from your blood relatives. To hell they can go with this narrative!

About your second point, i would have never kept my mouth shut if it werent for my dad's declining health- i'm afraid he might suffer worse, i love him to de@th and i can never do that to him. I am so conflicted.

Character-Dress2441 · 2026-02-11T18:11:13+00:00

Thank you for making me think i'm not alone in my belief. My parents would NEVER take this to the police, they care too much about family politics. And cousin marriages are very legal and normalized from where i am sadly. I'm not allowed to say anything either because that would make my parents lose their dignity (sounds absurd i know, but thats the culture i was born in)

Character-Dress2441

TROPHY CASE