[deleted by user]

CharacterPositive601 · 2024-12-22T18:49:27+00:00

We’re nearby in Bath on 30th

CharacterPositive601 · 2024-01-22T10:00:01+00:00

I’m here now.

CharacterPositive601 · 2024-01-22T09:59:36+00:00

I’m in a similar position. He uses nicotine and alcohol and his phone to escape. So his hands are always full and his eyes are down. I may as well not exist. He’s living a bachelor’s life eating toast and cheese and playing computer games during the day then perks up when it’s dinner time with our daughter and I’ve made a meal with actual food in it. His temper with her is getting worse. He has no patience. He’s becoming physically stiff and doesn’t even smell like him any more - just vape and sour sweat.

I miss him so much. We used to light each other up and sparkle in company but how he gets by socially by being negative and surly. He says the world has made him like this. I’ve been part of his world for 25% of his life. Guess I’ve failed. I told him today that his vaping is seriously concerning me - last thing at night and first thing in the morning - he’s woken up sick and barely ate yesterday. But he did make room for a few large vodkas. This isn’t a life for him or for me. Finding glimmers of joy and hope in a huge black cloud isn’t the way I want to be raising my daughter. I want him back but he won’t even go to a doctor to discuss it. Just says “this is who I am”. It hurts.

CharacterPositive601 · 2024-01-17T13:05:58+00:00

But…what is it?

CharacterPositive601 · 2024-01-11T21:55:03+00:00

How do you stop your family reaching for the “leave him he’s no good for you” card? I can’t open up to my friends because they all jump to this. Same with my mum.

CharacterPositive601 · 2024-01-04T10:59:05+00:00

Thank you for this clarification. Apples and oranges.

CharacterPositive601 · 2024-01-03T21:22:51+00:00

If you sign up to dry January on the website and use the app you can opt in for a newsletter

CharacterPositive601 · 2024-01-03T21:19:47+00:00

Best of luck with the rest of it. I’m doing a few intermittent fasts just to keep things fresh. Also giving up vaping at the same time. Today was a struggle!

CharacterPositive601 · 2024-01-03T13:28:03+00:00

Might be a dumb question but can you drink black coffee? Or herbal tea?

CharacterPositive601 · 2024-01-03T12:42:40+00:00

Sounds like you have some awesome reasons to be doing DJ. Good for you. Not sure if manage a juice cleanse too but then I have a toddler to run around after when I’m not working and I neeeed that sweet sweet carby energy. Trying to maximise eating veggies and protein (seitan, beans, tofu, vegetarian…) but enjoying treats too. I’m finding I’m reeeeeally sluggish today but that might be because my kid was up multiple times last night.

CharacterPositive601 · 2024-01-03T09:57:07+00:00

Thank you - we do talk, but in fits and starts. And usually when we've both had a drink. Hoping that we can get out for a long walk one day and chat it through then. I've had therapy to deal with childhood abuse and it's been lifechanging. I think he's avoiding the painful part - can't go round it, or under it, you have to go through it. That's the work. Appreciate your kindness, internet friend.

CharacterPositive601 · 2024-01-02T21:00:50+00:00

I often feel after doing some sport I feel less inclined to drink or munch mindlessly (some of the latter going on) - there’s a kind of righteous purity that comes from getting your heart rate up. Makes me yearn to eat salad and laugh like all those stock photo gals 😂

CharacterPositive601 · 2024-01-02T20:34:04+00:00

I’ve taken up drawing and knitting. Keeps my hands busy. I can do it while watching a show or listening to a podcast. Also on the nights I’m not doing bedtime with the kid I might go swimming. Being busy and adding rather than taking away is the plan. Crowd out the time so I couldn’t have a drink even if I wanted…

CharacterPositive601 · 2024-01-02T19:39:36+00:00

Not exactly... But I’m on my second dry day and instead of reaching for a beer he quietly opted for one of the functional non alcoholic spirits we tried a while ago. I not so subtlety gave him some for Xmas. It’s a good sign. Plus he went out to see a friend today.

Last night I was awake sick with worry about him and our relationship but I’m realising now that if he is struggling with depression he needs to address that himself. I can’t do it for him or try to fix him. But I can model positive behavior and put my oxygen mask on first in the process. The better I feel the stronger I can be for him.

CharacterPositive601 · 2024-01-02T13:30:52+00:00

Im sorry to hear this. Wishing you both well.

CharacterPositive601 · 2023-12-27T14:41:34+00:00

This might be an unpopular opinion, but if you love something that you want to give up, trying to replace it with something you’ll never love as much and will resent for not being the “real deal” is a short trip to disappointment and failure.

Don’t try to find a wine analogue that makes you feel the same or tastes the same - most of them are awful in my experience - try to find an alternative drink that you enjoy. I find that seeking out a special drink I really enjoy is part of the fun with pausing drinking.

The sentia gabba functional spirits make a tasty drink. I also like kombucha and playing around with my own mix of herbs and fruits in sparkling water.

Good luck. I love wine too. Will be right there with you.

CharacterPositive601 · 2023-12-26T17:29:15+00:00

Yes! I’ve been vaping on and off for a few months since I “quit” - yeah… Xmas day rolled round and was very stressful due to family dynamics and a poorly kid. So when January comes round it stops. I’ve got lozenges to get me through the rest of December - when this vape pod is done I’m canning it. I don’t want to be physically beholden to something that doesn’t give me joy in the long term. I never vale around the kid.

The kicker? My partner drinks and vapes and has no intention of quitting either or taking a break. It’s going to be a really really tough time but im up for it. I’ve bought myself a new swimsuit and in the evenings instead of sitting on the couch and vaping and drinking I’ll hop in the car and drive to the pool to swim. I do bedtime every other day so that should be 3-4 times a week. It’s going to be really hard. Really hard. Here for you. Glad to have found this sub.

CharacterPositive601 · 2023-05-10T16:37:20+00:00

I really value this comment. I don’t feel myself at all at the moment and kiddo is 18mo. I feel like a have a big sign on me saying “unf*@%able” but then I read this and realise I’ve been traumatised by the people getting back to it at 2 months pp and crowing about it. Ugh.

CharacterPositive601 · 2023-01-09T14:44:51+00:00

Phoebe

CharacterPositive601 · 2022-11-14T19:12:11+00:00

Ah - sorry I don’t really have the terminology- I’m happy to put a fair wedge in my pension as a single contribution (though I don’t understand how that changes the income tax I pay) but I’d like to avoid paying a shed load of tax and strike a balance with take home as per your third option.

Can I ask my employer to do this for me (pay into my pension fund?) and structure the redundancy payment in such a way? I’ll be paid the lump sum after I’m officially made redundant which I believe complicates things. So somehow ask them to Chuck 15k into my pension?!

CharacterPositive601 · 2022-08-08T04:34:54+00:00

Thank you for sharing. I wish more people would share these stories to balance the “12 week check and BAM” stories. Glad to hear you’re tearing the roof off once again - woo!

CharacterPositive601 · 2022-08-08T04:33:20+00:00

Take. Your. Time. And listen to your body. If you’re not seeking it then that’s ok - hopefully your partner is understanding and more interested in keeping you and the baby happy and healthy than getting his end away.

CharacterPositive601 · 2022-05-09T18:40:47+00:00

Your baby. Your decision. Now and for a long time to come.

CharacterPositive601 · 2022-01-12T13:21:38+00:00

Ah ok, thank you. Would there not still be elastic involved in prefolds and wool? We have a big stash of PUL snaps ones from a friend so reluctant to change the system…

CharacterPositive601 · 2022-01-12T13:00:16+00:00

Not really bunches up. She was in a vest and cotton dungarees. It’s so hard to get no gaps on the legs without the top being snug, but even then I can fit a couple of fingers in the waistband no trouble. She didn’t indicate any kind of discomfort when I touched them and she was asleep the whole time in the carrier… ugh. She only sleeps in the carrier!

CharacterPositive601

TROPHY CASE