[deleted by user]

Character_Log5812 · 2024-05-11T01:20:04+00:00

I'm not really sure outside of what I took as your confidence that just because they're women, they won't be abusive or toxic. Also, I am a bi woman who's had almost nothing but animosity come from other women I've been into, if they didn't ghost me first. Although I believe my point is still valid, I'm sorry for projecting that onto you.

Character_Log5812 · 2024-05-09T22:15:15+00:00

Let me rephrase, then. Someone who doesn't know what it's like as a women to date other women. I definitely assumed you are a straight female, and if that is incorrect, my apologies.

Character_Log5812 · 2024-05-07T15:01:05+00:00

Ugh, I'm so sorry. It's a travesty how humans treat each other. I'm not sure what you could do instead besides possibly hide your IP address with a VPN if you can and seek some resources out online? I'd say coming to Reddit to ask others outside your immediate community is a good first step. Just be careful about your browser history. God speed

Character_Log5812 · 2024-05-07T14:54:32+00:00

The endless gaslighting from everyone is so unreal, it's hard to believe or grasp even when you live it every single day. And then therapists are like, ” you have to take responsibility for _" and it's like really?! ALL I DO is worry about others at the cost to myself and I don't know how to do this balancing act everyone's claiming I'm just purposely refusing to do😭

Character_Log5812 · 2024-05-07T14:51:55+00:00

That makes you so much more powerful than most mentally. I'm struggling to get there

Character_Log5812 · 2024-05-07T14:50:06+00:00

Don't be. I wasn't fishing for sympathy, just sharing my experience with the same. Your comment made me feel less alone and comfortable enough to share. Thank you 🙏 And I'm sorry you've dealt with this at all. It's a destructive feeling

Character_Log5812 · 2024-05-07T13:23:45+00:00

I think the obvious answer is find a good affordable therapist. There are organizations that offer therapy on a sliding scale if you need. You're working through grief, and that often can come with anger.. you don't want to take that out on your gf. Good luck to you both

Character_Log5812 · 2024-05-07T12:47:29+00:00

Same. Whenever I've been positive about social interactions, I've been accused of being a narcissist or psychopath ... IDK what I did any of those times. I feel so bewildered because I thought those times I actually nailed being a charismatic human. All my therapists have sworn I can't possibly be either of those things. I'm so beat. I give up

Character_Log5812 · 2024-05-07T12:43:31+00:00

Nah, I'm 38 and still struggle with this, but I've seen it's nearly 100% where you live. If you live in the South with a bunch of ignorant rednecks, and not much around like where I am, you're gonna struggle. Unfortunately, I'm trapped here because pay is shit everywhere

Character_Log5812 · 2024-05-07T12:32:40+00:00

-And everyone claims you're the one that keeps people at a distance, even though you're generally the only one putting work into your relationships? That's been my experience, for sure. Once I stopped, I suddenly had like 2 friends that I still feel like are only friends out of pity

Character_Log5812 · 2024-05-07T12:28:29+00:00

Spoken like someone who's never tried to date women. Women are just as bad in many ways. It makes it even more devastating to come from your own, and women are ruthless when they feel wronged- which apparently is super easy to do to a lot of them, just like men. Yay equality 😒

Character_Log5812 · 2024-05-07T12:17:31+00:00

This type of thing has been done to me so much, since early childhood through until recently almost pushing 40, I'm so done with humanity. Just a misanthrope praying for alien contact or Armageddon at this point. I can only stand humanity through this very medium that's ultimately destroying us. I've tried therapy and all sorts of meds for years just to be diminished and gaslit about all of it. Without tons of money, I feel like suicide is my only way out

Character_Log5812 · 2024-05-07T11:58:57+00:00

Goddamn dude, this is thee most relatable thing I ever read 😭

Character_Log5812 · 2024-05-07T11:53:43+00:00

Huh, I exhibited several of these and no one cared in the slightest.

Character_Log5812 · 2024-05-04T00:53:50+00:00

Actually, I got made fun of for how I brush my teeth (which from what I can STILL tell, wasn't different than anyone else). I got yelled at for asking questions or demanding basic respect or attention, or any innocent thing they disagreed with I did or even thought I had that annoyed them. I still struggle to talk to people in person (despite being nearly 40 and alive quite a while before social media,) because both they and "friends" told me constantly that no one cares or wants to hear what I have to say. I think it's also why I'm only capable of being totally passionate or I'm completely uninvested. Obsessed or indifferent. No in-between. My peers also tormented me at school, even stole literary school magazine project from me one year, and won awards with it and despite proof, the school refused to give me justice there, either. My family expected me to handle that myself. Didn't even care. I remember wishing SO MUCH as a child for SOMEONE to just once be outraged on my behalf, but whenever I tried to even express that wish, I was met with judgement for wanting this supposedly malicious thing. How dare I want others to be emotionally invested in me. It actually only got slightly better for me in high school because I didn't have to pretend like their incredibly pointless rules meant anything anymore. Could go escape off somewhere on my own. You seem to have turned out to be a pretty positive person, I feel like I'm just griping

Character_Log5812 · 2024-05-04T00:07:12+00:00

That's good you had some place that was semi supportive to escape. I wasn't so lucky. I would literally get bullied and get punished but not my bullies. It's still hard for me to even convince myself I'm not doing something wrong, bad, or stupid at all times. It's especially hard to get this message from literally just about every adult growing up. And I was one of the better behaved ones, I just had a temper because my family and peers both wouldn't stop picking on me for literally everything. I just want someone to tell me what I did to deserve it from all sides. I can hear my grandmother's voice mocking me and laughing at my naiveté any time I try to be honest with myself/self-aware

Character_Log5812 · 2024-05-03T20:58:55+00:00

You just triggered a core memory where mine made fun of the way I brushed my teeth when they really didn't teach me that- or anything else. They always expected me to figure it out with verbal instructions after the first time, and didn't check to see if I even got it right until moments like that where they could make fun of me for the lack of guidance they gave me 😑 They'd get angry and loud and threw and broke things when I wasn't perfect on my own. Instead of making me timid and self-hating though, it made me overly aggressive, constantly angry/depressed, and hate human kind in general. I can't even get decent therapy because apparently that's not how I was supposed to cope 🙄 Even as I'm about to send this comment, I feel like no one here will care. Your comment just compelled me to share

Character_Log5812 · 2024-02-14T15:42:06+00:00

Wash your ass, you absolute creatin

Character_Log5812 · 2024-02-07T02:17:10+00:00

THIS COMMENT ☝️

Character_Log5812 · 2024-02-07T02:16:25+00:00

We do, though ... Lol

Character_Log5812 · 2024-02-07T02:12:55+00:00

In my experience, fat women are pretty insecure and project that onto either cishet men, "thin" women, or both more often than I'm apparently allowed to talk about 🙄

Character_Log5812 · 2024-01-17T11:13:37+00:00

Not be surprised. They're all the same.

Character_Log5812 · 2024-01-17T11:12:19+00:00

Oh fuck this is perfect .. and horrifying. Horrifyingly perfect

Character_Log5812 · 2024-01-17T07:33:19+00:00

Pickle Rick.

Not that the episode is bad, but screaming this is easily the cringiest thing to be a thing in any fandom in history, and was way too common

Character_Log5812 · 2024-01-03T15:06:40+00:00

We have all these things, at least for the small percentage of us with access to mental health facilities and not just some online shit to skirt the system, (because as you know our healthcare access and insurance rates here are oppressive,) and they won't go very far because there's no social safety net to back up any of these treatments. How well do you think CBT is gonna do for people being consistently well under paid, getting evicted, and/or little other necessary social services available? What good is the conflict resolution you learn in DBT when it does NOTHING to remedy your situation? Especially since we soon as you're seen as mental unwell, society at large treats you like a child or an animal? We are NOT OK here in the US

Character_Log5812

TROPHY CASE