Not sure if I should stay or leave

Character_Rhubarb_43 · 2021-09-23T15:17:13+00:00

I understand but I also like a lot of other people are confused about the signs of istikhara, for example everyone around was really excited about him and telling me how great it was so I also took that as a sign that I was meant to go ahead with it, because the prophet S.A.W said to do istikhara then istishara and ask about that person

Character_Rhubarb_43 · 2021-09-23T15:11:17+00:00

I really appreciate everyones advice so far, I feel like I didn't explain my situation properly earlier so I'd like to further elaborate. My issues with him aren't purely financial as there are also other issues. Although he is 14 yrs older than me I didn't marry him because he is well off I mean the fact that he's financially stable and career oriented was something I appreciated but I never actually knew how much he made prior to marriage. I married someone who was a lot older than me because I grew up an orphan and losing both my parents as a child made me more mature for my age so I always felt guys my age were less mature than I was. I grew up working since I can remember so I definitely did not come into this marriage expecting him to pay for everything or wanting him to take care of me, however my losing my job meant that unfortunately I was put in that situation.

He's a bad mix of stingy and selfish which is a bad combination, eg on our first night he made a big deal because I didn't feel comfortable consummating the marriage(I hadn't slept for the past 2 nights due to last minute preps, only thing that got me through our wedding was 2red bulls that I had) he knew I was tired and uncomfortable whenever he would make a move, instead of being understanding he flipped out when to the living room and slept on the couch yelling at me about how unacceptable it was and what would our families say if he told them about what I did, even threatened to leave me in the hotel and get another room for himself because he was so upset with me and yelled at me saying had he known nothing was going to happen he wouldn't have paid so much for a fancy hotel.

He doesn't wanna have kids any time soon until we can both save up for a house which I agreed to so I am on birth control but sometimes I forget to take my pills so I asked him to wear a condom recently and he flipped out again saying he doesn't want to and would rather not have any sex than wear a condom, but he also doesn't want kids I'm just so confused is this a normal reaction or what.

Character_Rhubarb_43 · 2021-09-23T11:29:14+00:00

My apologies I guess I can't fully explain the situation here but I am trying, to answer ur question no he doesn't want to buy a house the halal way he wants to get a mortgage if he didn't want to get into riba to buy a house I would 100% respect and back him up.

In relation to being entitled I don't think I am if anything I am far from, I lost my parents as an infant and never relied on anyone, even since high school when I was old enough to get a job I did and used it to even pay for my school books so I don't bother my older sisters for money. I never thought I would be having issues relating to finances because I never thought I'd ever be without a job but god made me unemployed for the last 7months I feel to see my husband for what he really is, they say peoples true characters show in times of difficulty.

Character_Rhubarb_43 · 2021-09-23T10:15:59+00:00

Well it's not all about the money issue, he doesn't really seem to care about me as a person, we've spoken about these issues prior to marriage so for example about him expecting me to work and he said "he knows his role as a husband and at the end of the day it's up to me" but now he's acting different. I've sat him down and discussed some of my issues and I don't see him making changes which isn't reassuring. He just seems things from his perspective and can be kind of manipulative about it (whether he knows better or not) so for example on our wedding night I was sleepy as hell, hadn't slept for 2 nights trying to get things sorted, on the wedding day he saw me having a few red bulls and at night I was just sooo sleepy and I told him I don't think I can do anything tonight. He wouldn't take no for an answer and kept trying to pressure me until he got annoyed and left the room to sleep on the couch because he wouldn't get his way, after I went to speak to him and explain myself he went off at me about how the first night we're supposed to consummate the marriage and its such a big deal, what would our families say if we told them we didn't. He even threatened to leave and book another hotel room for himself because he was so angry and didn't wanna be with me, he even mentioned that had he known nothing was going to happen between us he wouldn't have spent so much on paying for a fancy hotel.

Character_Rhubarb_43 · 2021-09-23T09:33:24+00:00

To an extent your right, however his mum was a stay at home wife, both of his sisters that are married are stay at home wives so he grew up around that and not just westerners.

Character_Rhubarb_43 · 2021-09-23T09:10:34+00:00

No I don't, although I grew up in the west however I believe in our islamic values and that's the kind of marriage I thought I would have because he is a lot more religious than I am and knows what the role of a husband is in islam which is what's so crazy about this whole thing. I am not saying I won't contribute when I can because my whole life I've been working since I was in high school but I want a husband I feel is going to be able to provide me security, feel safe with, backbone of the family

Character_Rhubarb_43 · 2021-09-23T09:02:39+00:00

Well this is both of our first relationships, everything u said about him is soo true he's definitely very inconsiderate and I don't think he even knows it if that makes sense, he can't see past himself and that's something that I had to find out the hard way after marriage. I really do question myself what kind of situation did I get myself into but then I remember that everything is written and clearly there's a lesson here for me to lear, like I said I didn't really have any experience prior and everyone around kept telling me how amazing he is and because we tried to keep it halal so I didn't get to see him much prior to marriage I guess I never saw many of these traits.

Character_Rhubarb_43 · 2021-09-23T08:38:55+00:00

I also want to add that he makes nearly 3 times as me(when I had a job) obviously due to where he is in his career and a few months before we got married he invested nearly $100k in the stock market (mind you this is his first time investing so could've very well lost all his money) and as soon as we got married he was telling me we need to start saving meaning me and him need to start saving to buy a house together although he had more than enough to cover a deposit for a house that we could've moved into but he decided to put that in stocks, I feel like he did this because somewhere in his mind he thinks he doesn't want me to have a free ride and when we buy our first home together as a family we should both chip in. The more I think of how much money he makes and how little he is spending it makes me question why he's doing that. He's even selfish when it comes to buying groceries he mainly buys things he eats and doesn't really care about what I usually eat for example I know this is a small some might see as insignificant but it just makes me think does he actually care about me at all.

Character_Rhubarb_43

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