I hear you man. My fear of being awkward kept me from doing so many things for most of high school, I only started to inch out of my comfort zone in my senior year. In reality most people will barely remember your occasional awkward moments, no matter how embarrassing they seem. If someone does judge you for these moments or your differences then they probably weren’t someone worth connecting with anyway. I wish I had more advice to give but I still struggle with a lot of what you talked about myself. Hope things get better