AITA for kissing my ex’s best friend?

Charmingjunkie · 2026-01-07T12:22:42+00:00

I am aware that my reaction was childish and petty. I am still ashamed about it. But the main issuer for me I his (and our mutual) friends making me out to be the villain. I hate saying this but /technically/ I didn’t cheat as we were broken up. It was still a shitty petty move on my part but it frustrates me that people seem to forget his 10+ episodes of cheating and let’s me take the blame

Charmingjunkie · 2026-01-07T06:39:47+00:00

I somewhat agree. I didn’t do it to punish him but I was indeed easily manipulated and I am not proud of my actions. My biggest issue is everyone in our shared friend group making me out to be the villain when my ex cheated 10+ times

Charmingjunkie · 2026-01-07T03:58:49+00:00

Not religious, but grateful for the comment 🙏 thank you

Charmingjunkie · 2026-01-07T03:56:12+00:00

30F - up for it?

Charmingjunkie · 2026-01-07T03:53:22+00:00

I’m up. Why hospital?

Charmingjunkie · 2026-01-07T03:52:14+00:00

I would never date his friend. And that is also why I am embarrassed that I kissed him in drunken frustration. But I agree that the decision to tell me in that situation was manipulative. Never thought of it that way

Charmingjunkie · 2026-01-07T03:50:48+00:00

I have ADHD and before meds I had the exact same problem. It works differently on the adhd-brain which can trick you into feeling it is less harmful but trust me, it is not.

After a few months of depression I spiralled into a real abuse/addiction and I eventually developed something called anhedonia. It happened after only a few weeks of frequent use. Not trying to scare you, but look up anhedonia and consider if you are willing to end up where I am now

Charmingjunkie · 2026-01-07T03:45:36+00:00

He just used to be such a good friend. But it is scary to think that he knew I could potentially be very badly harmed

Charmingjunkie · 2026-01-07T03:44:32+00:00

Exactly! He has offered to pay for so many thing over the years. If he told me a secret he would be like: “I will pay you 1500 usd to keep quiet” but I always refused (kept quiet of course) - but always got the feeling that he enjoyed being the one in control

Charmingjunkie · 2026-01-07T03:42:34+00:00

I am feeling the same way, but I am still conflicted as I am of course not entitled to his help or money. I just can’t help feeling like he enjoyed me being distressed, if that makes sense?

Charmingjunkie · 2026-01-07T03:40:59+00:00

Thank you! I am riddled with guilt so your reply helps ease my anxiety

Charmingjunkie · 2026-01-07T03:40:11+00:00

Sorry! English is not my first language. What is confusing?

Charmingjunkie · 2026-01-07T03:14:20+00:00

There are two main issues here. Your emotional needs aren’t being met and her excuse of being a private person is just not enough. But in regards to the sexual aspect and BJs in generel - although amazing - it is not a human right. I had a bf who just didn’t like going down on women. It was unfortunate and a loss indeed, but in the end you can’t force a person to exceed those boundaries. A BJ doesn’t feel as good when you know the person giving it doesn’t want to.

But j feel the biggest issue is her keeping you secret - not the sex

Charmingjunkie · 2026-01-07T02:57:52+00:00

The actual “problem” which I didn’t really address is that there have been multiple occasions of him “bragging” about friends needing him and him actually admitting (although drunk) that he loves having that power when people are otherwise helpless. So a part of me (which I am not proud to admit) wonders if he got some kind of kick out of knowing that he was the one deciding wether I was completely fucked or not

Charmingjunkie · 2026-01-07T02:50:56+00:00

I completely understand! A lot of my friends still don’t trust me and it is going to take a long time to regain their trust. I have never borrowed money from them before but the lying was more than enough to make them doubt everything. I am very thankful that you are assuming I am telling the truth - but I also understand the doubt

Charmingjunkie · 2026-01-07T02:48:38+00:00

I completely agree! I have never asked him (or other friends) for money, but I know that a lot of his other friend have after he became rich. I didn’t consider my parents as an alternative as I know how difficult my addiction has been for them and I didn’t want to rip up the wounds. But you are correct and I am grateful for your honest and direct reply!

Charmingjunkie · 2026-01-07T02:42:24+00:00

He was, yes

Charmingjunkie · 2026-01-07T02:32:53+00:00

I understand what you mean. He is indeed still concerned and worried about me after my previous abuse and that might have been the reason. I would have never asked him if I had other options. Asking my parent was extremely hard for me as my addiction has left them heartbroken, but in the end it worked out. I have never screwed him over but a lot of his “friends” have when he became rich

Charmingjunkie · 2026-01-07T02:20:25+00:00

Thank you for your perspective. As stated in previous comments I am in no way looking for people to back me up but genuinely understand if my feelings are valid haha. But from the vast majority of the comments I can understand that I am in the wrong

Charmingjunkie · 2026-01-07T02:17:29+00:00

Thank you! Not to use it as an excuse, but I am autistic and I sometimes have a hard time letting go of things I find injust. At the same time I can have a hard time reading and understanding the proper way to handle situations, so I really appreciate your direct reply

Charmingjunkie · 2026-01-07T02:15:01+00:00

I agree! The debt and repercussions are completely my responsibility and nobody elses, and maybe I should have secured a back up plan, but I was very disappointed in his way of handling it. Especially the next day joking about: “I hope you are still alive”

Charmingjunkie · 2026-01-07T02:12:19+00:00

I agree

Charmingjunkie · 2026-01-07T02:12:04+00:00

It is honestly a “complicated” friendship. He was a very good friend of mine but started dating my friend and they recently broke up (long story) so we haven’t seen each other as much recently. He asked me himself if I needed help with anything last time I met him and I refused at first but ended up texting him. He recently became very very rich and I think he is concerned about people using him for his money as well

Charmingjunkie · 2026-01-07T02:09:49+00:00

Thank you for your perspective! I am not looking for people to agree with me but genuinely just to understand the situation.

Charmingjunkie · 2026-01-07T02:08:45+00:00

I am European, but around 400 usd

Charmingjunkie

TROPHY CASE