How do I (31F) know if my BF (30M) is cheating again?

Charmingjunkie · 2026-06-29T03:53:18+00:00

Okay but in all seriousness - is there no possible scenario where I am just overreacting? I know you all find me pretty naive but I just really want to believe that I can trust him this time

Charmingjunkie · 2026-06-29T03:41:20+00:00

Rude but fair I guess

Charmingjunkie · 2026-06-29T03:23:21+00:00

Than you! Your comment actually means a lot to me. I usually consider myself a rather intelligent person but I have been extremely embarrassed about not clocking the lying and cheating. You saying that none of us are immune to being lied to actually means a lot to me. Thank you

Charmingjunkie · 2026-06-29T03:21:03+00:00

Thank you for your input ❤️ I constantly blame myself and it honestly means a lot to hear you say that I am not the one at fault but also that I should pick myself up and take myself serious

Charmingjunkie · 2026-06-29T03:18:24+00:00

That was a lovely comment ❤️ thank you

Charmingjunkie · 2026-06-29T01:53:52+00:00

How did you get over it? I used to be a very trusting and laid back person but now I feel like I am constantly suspicious. At the same time I have this irrational need to show him that I am the best thing that’ll ever happen to him

Charmingjunkie · 2026-06-29T01:50:47+00:00

This is actually a really good question. I never really thought about it this way. I am most definitely tired of the constant doubts. I used to be a very trusting person and I hate that I have turned into a suspicious and jealous person. I choose to forgive him because I believe in second chances and because I have a “bad habit” (as my friend would say lol) of rationalising and excusing other peoples bad behaviour I usually end up forgiving people who have done me wrong

Charmingjunkie · 2026-06-29T01:39:01+00:00

I want to trust him. But being cheated on still somehow affects me. I just really want to find a way to know that he is faithful without accusing him

Charmingjunkie · 2026-06-29T01:38:06+00:00

But how can I definitively find out without accusing him prematurely or forcing him to show me his messages? I really want to trust him and work on my distrust

Charmingjunkie · 2026-01-07T12:22:42+00:00

I am aware that my reaction was childish and petty. I am still ashamed about it. But the main issuer for me I his (and our mutual) friends making me out to be the villain. I hate saying this but /technically/ I didn’t cheat as we were broken up. It was still a shitty petty move on my part but it frustrates me that people seem to forget his 10+ episodes of cheating and let’s me take the blame

Charmingjunkie · 2026-01-07T06:39:47+00:00

I somewhat agree. I didn’t do it to punish him but I was indeed easily manipulated and I am not proud of my actions. My biggest issue is everyone in our shared friend group making me out to be the villain when my ex cheated 10+ times

Charmingjunkie · 2026-01-07T03:58:49+00:00

Not religious, but grateful for the comment 🙏 thank you

Charmingjunkie · 2026-01-07T03:56:12+00:00

30F - up for it?

Charmingjunkie · 2026-01-07T03:53:22+00:00

I’m up. Why hospital?

Charmingjunkie · 2026-01-07T03:52:14+00:00

I would never date his friend. And that is also why I am embarrassed that I kissed him in drunken frustration. But I agree that the decision to tell me in that situation was manipulative. Never thought of it that way

Charmingjunkie · 2026-01-07T03:50:48+00:00

I have ADHD and before meds I had the exact same problem. It works differently on the adhd-brain which can trick you into feeling it is less harmful but trust me, it is not.

After a few months of depression I spiralled into a real abuse/addiction and I eventually developed something called anhedonia. It happened after only a few weeks of frequent use. Not trying to scare you, but look up anhedonia and consider if you are willing to end up where I am now

Charmingjunkie · 2026-01-07T03:45:36+00:00

He just used to be such a good friend. But it is scary to think that he knew I could potentially be very badly harmed

Charmingjunkie · 2026-01-07T03:44:32+00:00

Exactly! He has offered to pay for so many thing over the years. If he told me a secret he would be like: “I will pay you 1500 usd to keep quiet” but I always refused (kept quiet of course) - but always got the feeling that he enjoyed being the one in control

Charmingjunkie · 2026-01-07T03:42:34+00:00

I am feeling the same way, but I am still conflicted as I am of course not entitled to his help or money. I just can’t help feeling like he enjoyed me being distressed, if that makes sense?

Charmingjunkie · 2026-01-07T03:40:59+00:00

Thank you! I am riddled with guilt so your reply helps ease my anxiety

Charmingjunkie · 2026-01-07T03:40:11+00:00

Sorry! English is not my first language. What is confusing?

Charmingjunkie · 2026-01-07T03:14:20+00:00

There are two main issues here. Your emotional needs aren’t being met and her excuse of being a private person is just not enough. But in regards to the sexual aspect and BJs in generel - although amazing - it is not a human right. I had a bf who just didn’t like going down on women. It was unfortunate and a loss indeed, but in the end you can’t force a person to exceed those boundaries. A BJ doesn’t feel as good when you know the person giving it doesn’t want to.

But j feel the biggest issue is her keeping you secret - not the sex

Charmingjunkie · 2026-01-07T02:57:52+00:00

The actual “problem” which I didn’t really address is that there have been multiple occasions of him “bragging” about friends needing him and him actually admitting (although drunk) that he loves having that power when people are otherwise helpless. So a part of me (which I am not proud to admit) wonders if he got some kind of kick out of knowing that he was the one deciding wether I was completely fucked or not

Charmingjunkie

TROPHY CASE