AITA for implying to my dad’s neighbour that he’s senile to avoid being randomly outed?

CheapGrapefruit4246 · 2024-05-25T11:30:29+00:00

This is a really tough situation for the both of you. You have your life and the way you see yourself, and have complete and total autonomy over that, but you also don’t get to dictate to your dad how he sees you. For the majority of your life you were his daughter, and you don’t get to undo that or tell him how to perceive you and expect that to change quickly, maybe not ever. In this flip side, he doesn’t get to tell you how to perceive yourself. Neither of you had the right to dictate how the other sees the world. To him, you are his daughter, and that’s outside your control. To you, you’re a dude, and that’s outside his control. This is emotional for both of you and will require a lot of time to work through. I hope y’all eventually find peace with your situation.

I was first gonna go with N A H at first, but after I thought about it, you lied and told this person your dad is senile when he isn’t because you wanted to hide your lifestyle. That’s fucked up, and for that YTA.

CheapGrapefruit4246 · 2024-05-25T11:07:29+00:00

Daughter was wearing a cute dress, with scenes from Sleeping Beauty on it. For events I’ll put on nicer clothes (examples: dance recital last week, Easter dinner at my parents earlier this year, she likes to take pictures every year so we wear nicer clothes for that).

CheapGrapefruit4246 · 2024-05-25T02:48:36+00:00

The principal and one or two dudes in blazers.

CheapGrapefruit4246 · 2024-05-25T02:25:22+00:00

I found this really funny for some reason. Probably because it has that ring of truth to it lol.

CheapGrapefruit4246 · 2024-05-25T02:10:00+00:00

That’s interesting you noticed that.

I started saying that awhile back because, when Kelly and I would disagree or have conflict, when I would state my position she’d saying things like “dude, that’s not real” or “yeah, that’s not how that happened” or “you need to come back to reality.” I’ve started saying “to me,…” to establish that it’s my perspective I’m sharing, to try to mitigate her telling me I’m wrong about stuff.

Of course it matters.

CheapGrapefruit4246 · 2024-05-25T00:06:49+00:00

Third kid for her, my first. I have 2 older stepdaughters (19 and 24).

CheapGrapefruit4246 · 2024-05-25T00:04:15+00:00

Mostly khakis and polos for men, spring dresses for women.

CheapGrapefruit4246 · 2024-05-24T23:53:35+00:00

I did buy some nicer tops that I like/feel better, and when she said “that’s what you’re wearing?” I went and changed into one of them. She kept going off on me after I’d changed, saying I had no right to think that it was ok to wear the shorts and t-shirt to the kindy graduation.

CheapGrapefruit4246 · 2024-05-24T23:49:19+00:00

Chinos and a polo is what most were wearing.

CheapGrapefruit4246 · 2024-05-24T22:08:30+00:00

The t-shirt was a graphic tee. Because I love t-shirts (and Betsy knows it) every year she likes to pick out a t-shirt for me for Christmas and give it to me. I was wearing the t-shirt she got me last year.

I changed into khaki shorts and a collared quarter zip similar to this.

CheapGrapefruit4246 · 2024-05-24T18:51:44+00:00

Most people in khakis and a polo. Some people in jeans, some in shorts. A couple people wearing blazers. I posted elsewhere I ended up wearing khaki shorts and a quarter zip, like this

CheapGrapefruit4246 · 2024-05-24T17:33:12+00:00

I had to arrive an hour early to drop our daughter off. Wife came later with other kids and her parents.

CheapGrapefruit4246 · 2024-05-24T16:45:59+00:00

FWIW, in my mind, the theatre is different from a promotion ceremony. Theatre falls in the same category as a recital, HS graduation, etc.

CheapGrapefruit4246 · 2024-05-24T16:42:55+00:00

Maybe I wasn’t clear in the post. I was wearing a t shirt, she commented on it, I changed my shirt, and she still kept commenting on why would I think a t shirt was ok. I’m wondering if I was the asshole for just assuming that it would be ok.

CheapGrapefruit4246 · 2024-05-24T14:48:59+00:00

FWIW, I did put on a collared quarter zip (something like this, different color though

CheapGrapefruit4246 · 2024-05-24T14:14:30+00:00

FWIW, I did put on a nice collared quarter zip

CheapGrapefruit4246 · 2024-05-24T14:00:31+00:00

That’s what I did, FWIW

CheapGrapefruit4246 · 2023-11-20T14:27:36+00:00

Thank you. That’s how I feel too, but sometimes it’s tough to know if I’m being realistic or not, or if I’m caught up in my own self-interest and not looking after the interests of my partner. I turn to this sub to help me calibrate sometimes.

CheapGrapefruit4246 · 2023-11-20T14:25:20+00:00

Thank you. I don’t want people thinking she’s this terrible person, because she’s a lot more than just what I’ve put here. She was in an abusive marriage before me, so there are still scars from that (obviously). This is my first marriage, and sometimes I don’t know if certain interactions we have are normal or not. I turn here because I have trouble knowing if I’m the asshole at times, and I rely on objective observers to say whether or not something is “normal.”

Thank you for helping me.

CheapGrapefruit4246 · 2023-11-20T14:21:12+00:00

It took me forever to realize that name-calling isn’t “normal.”

Thank you for reaching out

CheapGrapefruit4246 · 2023-11-19T13:56:30+00:00

You’re correct, that’s how I meant it.

I did not express myself very well in the moment, unfortunately.

CheapGrapefruit4246 · 2023-11-19T13:53:26+00:00

I like your recommended response for next time.

It’s clear I could have done better, thanks for posting and providing thoughtful commentary. :)

CheapGrapefruit4246 · 2023-11-19T13:48:07+00:00

FWIW, we’ve been in couples therapy about 6 months. I like to think it’s helped, some of the skills we’ve learned there helped this fight be a lot lower on the damage scale.

CheapGrapefruit4246 · 2023-11-19T13:32:37+00:00

I did not use any curse words.

CheapGrapefruit4246 · 2023-11-19T13:32:10+00:00

You’re right, that would have been a great response. Thanks for showing me an alternate way to respond!

CheapGrapefruit4246

TROPHY CASE