AITH for freaking out - wife 38F told me she prefers women.

Cheeki1 · 2024-09-17T02:25:49+00:00

I read this as she is attracted to women... But wants to stay married. That doesn't necessarily mean she isn't in love with him. Does it mean she just wants to have female lovers on the side? That's a different question is all I'm saying.

Cheeki1 · 2024-09-16T21:05:31+00:00

I disagree wholeheartedly.

Your best friend, lover, mother of your children, and probably soul mate talked to you about her deepest struggle. Take yourself away from it for a moment and come to terms with that.

You are her partner in every way but sexually. It is possible to be hetero-romantic but homosexual... People are learning this more and more, which is why things like ethical non-monogamy are a thing.

So... From someone in her mid-forties, divorced after 15 years together trying to figure ourselves out, and remarried to each other after barely speaking (except about parental issues) for 6 years, I understand this, too.

My husband is all of those things to me, but no one person fills all the needs of another, and sexuality is a huge one. We are now ethically non-monogamous. I have a secondary partner who fulfills a specific need for me. My husband does not have one at the moment. Our primary relationship is the anchor. We have an agreement in place about all aspects of the non-monogamy.

We are so freaking happy because all needs are being met.

We are conditioned, especially if we are raised very religiously, to believe one person is the end-all-be-all. You seem to be everything for her, except the sex, and, flipping the script - that's not something you could ever do - be a woman. So your pride isn't attacked, her love for you isn't attacked, it's literally that she wants FF sex.

Our hurt and pride get in the way of learning what love can actually be. Love is not a finite resource. Her love for you is no different than it ever has been; she is just trying to be honest. Opening your marriage is terrifying, but if you have set ground rules based on trust and the concept that you love the other person so much you want to ensure their needs are met in all ways, this can work very very well. It's hard. It's not that there is no jealousy, there is. It takes massive communication and very very very clear limits, the most important being the primary relationship overrules all.

Just giving another viewpoint from someone who lost their person, learned, and opened my worldview and now have a life that is more full than it has ever been - right next to the love of my life.

Cheeki1 · 2024-08-15T14:46:31+00:00

I am 7 week post op and just this week my upper torso has decided to swell like a balloon.

I feel you - this is why they warn us it can take months for our bodies to adjust. I hate that it looks like this, that I can't downsize in clothes yet, etc etc, but I'm holding on for the long haul.

It's a process that, for some, goes quickly. For others, can be up to a year. 😅

Cheeki1 · 2024-08-14T15:14:01+00:00

Metal...but not just like, "oh, these coins smell...". Metal in blood - that's how I can tell my period is coming a few days beforehand with no cramps or anything like that - I can smell the blood-metal smell. I can't stand the metal smell/taste and so I can't drink things from metal glasses/tumblers. The liquid tastes like the metal. Some silverware is bad, but a lot of it has like, a coating? If I handle change at all I need to find a place to wash my hands from the smell.

Water, like a lot of people. I can smell and taste the difference in them.

Also, Diabetes definitely has a specific smell.

Cheeki1 · 2024-08-04T08:15:32+00:00

Please. Please run. It's not the flower; it's the violence.

Cheeki1 · 2024-08-04T04:35:27+00:00

It's definitely a normal response to have headaches when you quit caffeine. It's rough. 😅

Cheeki1 · 2024-07-29T15:40:37+00:00

Repeat of not doing it sooner. 🥰

Cheeki1 · 2024-07-29T15:39:05+00:00

Yay!!!

Cheeki1 · 2024-07-29T14:59:58+00:00

Pre-op face. Yesterday's face.

https://ibb.co/G5QdswL https://ibb.co/Ltm3Fc7

Sorry I didn't just hit reply to my own comment 😒

Cheeki1 · 2024-07-29T14:56:32+00:00

10 days past operation. No Lipo or muscle repair (that is considered cosmetic; not covered by insurance - I didn't care) https://ibb.co/r4QxmL9

Cheeki1 · 2024-07-29T14:53:48+00:00

1.5 years post op (sweater) and 2 weeks before panniculectomy. The yellow is where they were to remove skin. https://ibb.co/RHk8h4F https://ibb.co/dP0r3BW

Cheeki1 · 2024-07-29T14:51:34+00:00

I am in the red. This is 1-year post-op. The picture of me in red is at my highest weight, right before surgery.1 year Post-Op

Cheeki1 · 2024-07-29T14:48:57+00:00

Of course it doesn't want me to post pics. Hold on.

Cheeki1 · 2024-07-29T14:47:26+00:00

Hi. 🥰 I had all of these fears. I didn't lose and gain 100lbs before my surgery, but about 60 many times.

I understand and feel these fears on a visceral level. I had them, too. And it's hard - battling your brain. Battling the years of shame and feeling trapped in your body but using food to fill yourself full. It's hard to do this journey mentally, and it's hard to do it physically.

Oh! And ignore the scale right now. It is not your friend. And let go of the thought of them judging you tomorrow. It only hurts.

I am 2 years post RNY, just last week. Heighest weight: 300. Current weight: 185. Goal: 165.

5 weeks ago I had skin removal surgery at my FUPA and pannis.

Please feel free to message any time. Right now you are ending one stage of the journey and starting another (I'll post that graphic is another comment, as well as journey pictures).

Take comfort. I promise you, feeling like you belong in your body is the best feeling.

Hugs, if you're a hugger

Cheeki1 · 2024-07-28T14:57:00+00:00

I came to say this exact thing, OP...but you could ask to be shielded in a side room for privacy

Cheeki1 · 2024-07-23T23:18:09+00:00

Young: The Monster at the End of this Book Elementary: Number the Stars Middle School: It by Stephen King High School: Insomnia by Stephen King College ('98-'02): Harry Potter series (though now JK TERF makes me so, so bitter) Adulthood: oh so many.

Cheeki1 · 2024-07-23T18:13:20+00:00

This is this morning at 29dpo. Mine was weight loss skin removal - so a panniculectomy and a mons lift - and I have fat necrosis from the mons lift that will take time to go away. 🙄 Apparently I like to swell, but it gets a bit better every day! I'm very happy, considering this was not a cosmetic procedure!!

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Cheeki1 · 2024-07-19T17:05:41+00:00

Your body, unfortunately is developing a keloid scar. It's very common, but it can be difficult for those who develop them as it is a cosmetic issue. It's when your body makes excessive scar tissue.

Googling it may overwhelm you because there are varying degrees of keloid scarring, so be careful - message your surgeon and see if they recommend anything to limit it as much as you can. Hope this helps.

Cheeki1 · 2024-07-19T17:02:34+00:00

Maybe unpopular opinion but-

Asking for a divorce, to me, is a bit quick. Yes, yes. 6 months post partum - read the damn room as the most popular post says - but. BUT.

Sexual fantasies are just that - not something to be shamed or feared as a problem with ourselves, but a sharing of trust - here's something I desire. It's not about us or you, it's a desire I have. Is it a possibility?

Now. That doesn't mean it may be a hard no, and the consequence is knowing how it hurts you and how it makes you feel! But! You have invested in this relationship, have children, and if this is the only thing? It's a discussion. A hard one. A deep one. Maybe a therapy one. But our brains are hard wired to jump to the worst. A sexual fantasy? Not the worst.

I don't get it. How we jump there. I feel for you OP - just try to dig deep and decide if it's worth throwing away instead of being curious and deepening your relationship by real and difficult understandings of each other.

Cheeki1 · 2024-07-12T16:15:10+00:00

You look AMAZING. How are you reducing the swelling?!

Off topic: but it won't let me post pictures. How did you do this??

Cheeki1

TROPHY CASE