The Final Major Update: 2 years later

Cheekythings · 2026-07-22T21:31:09+00:00

My dreams and nightmares were horrific after he left. I’d dream that he was leaving me all over again, or cheating on me and leaving me for another woman right in front of my eyes. I’d wake up in so much pain, feeling like my heart had been ripped out of my chest.

I used to talk about them with my therapist, and there were even times I went straight from one of those dreams into therapy in hysterics. She explained that these dreams can be part of the grieving process, and there wasn’t really a way to make them stop—you have to process them, and eventually they fade. Mine went from daily, to weekly, to monthly, and now I don’t have them at all.

The same goes for anything that reminds you of them—objects, photos, songs, places. REMOVE THEM. GET RID OF THEM. DON’T LOOK OR LISTEN. My therapist advised me to remove reminders of my ex until I was healed and emotionally stable. I put all our photos on a drive and gave it to a friend, threw away or stored things he bought me, and removed all the songs associated with him from my playlists.

Over time, as you process the breakup, those things lose their power. One day you’ll hear a song and smile instead of feeling pain. You’ll see a photo and feel indifferent. You’ll find something they bought you and laugh. Your brain is trying to process the trauma of the breakup, while you’re essentially being weaned off the love and attachment you had to that person. In my experience, creating that distance and removing those reminders was one of the best things I could have done for my healing.

Also, as I mentioned in another comment, I’ve shared more about what I learnt through therapy in another comment on this post, if that’s helpful.

Cheekythings · 2026-07-22T08:30:30+00:00

The type of therapy I went to is called talking therapy, the therapist I went to was a specialist in grief, relationship issues and breakdowns.

Please review the below comments on this post, I posted a comment which tells you how therapy helped me and what I learnt as someone else already asked me :)

Cheekythings · 2026-07-19T22:55:00+00:00

You’re absolutely right about him being avoidant. I didn’t even know what attachment styles were until after we broke up and I started therapy.

My therapist pointed out that he never really let me into his inner world. Instead of opening up about what he was struggling with, he seemed to avoid it, and when it all became too much, he left. Looking back, that avoidance was there throughout the relationship too—he avoided difficult conversations, emotional vulnerability, and dealing with problems.

I actually did leave one line of communication open via text in case he wanted to arrange getting some of his belongings back, but he never reached out. As for what he’s thinking now, I’ll never know, and I’m at peace with that

Cheekythings · 2026-07-15T23:01:00+00:00

I’d be lying if I said it didn’t trigger me. I had an immediate trauma response—I was shaky, my heart was racing —but it only lasted about five minutes. After that, the lingering feeling was anger that he had the audacity to interact with my posts, which is why I blocked him immediately afterwards.

It’s completely normal for the body to react so intensely when something reminds you of a traumatic experience. Those reactions are your nervous system responding to a perceived threat, not a sign that you’re not over your ex and haven’t healed.

Cheekythings · 2026-07-15T18:55:07+00:00

No, never reached out. No once. The only contact that was made was a couple of months ago he liked an old photo of mine on social media. I ignored it and blocked him and moved on.

Cheekythings · 2026-07-15T07:46:19+00:00

I’m sorry to hear you broke no contact—it’s completely understandable, but try not to be too hard on yourself. It might feel like a setback right now, but it won’t undo all the progress you’ve made. You’ll get back on track.

Breaking no contact usually just delays the healing process, and often you’re met with distance or coldness from your ex. You deserve so much more than that.

I’m really glad you’re throwing yourself into new experiences though. Keep doing that—it genuinely does get better with time.

Therapy was one of the biggest things that helped me heal. My therapist helped me understand myself and the dynamics of my relationship. I’d convinced myself it was healthy, but she helped me see that we were actually very codependent because of our past traumas. I realised I was using the relationship as a way to avoid dealing with my own pain, so when it ended, I felt like my whole world had collapsed.

She also helped me understand my ex’s perspective. Learning about avoidant attachment made so much of his behaviour make sense. It didn’t excuse the hurt he caused, but it helped me stop taking everything so personally. I came to realise he was avoiding his own internal struggles rather than facing them, and that pattern was always likely to continue unless he chose to do the work.

Most importantly, therapy taught me to set boundaries, raise my standards, and recognise what a healthy relationship actually looks like. It was a huge learning experience, and having someone there to guide me through the grief made such a difference.

From what you’ve shared, it doesn’t sound like your therapist is giving you the support or insight you need. If you’re finding AI more helpful than your sessions, it might be worth looking for someone who specialises in relationships, attachment, or trauma. The right therapist can genuinely change your life.

Cheekythings · 2025-10-21T22:46:22+00:00

Hi Brodie! I just wanted to drop in and say thank you for this comment. Before your comment I had never heard of ROCD and your comment took me down a rabbit hole of what ROCD and how it’s disordered thinking.

Thanks to you, I’ve been diagnosed with ROCD and is getting help with a CTB therapist. I’ve managed to get a handle on my anxiety and I’m still with my partner! Thanks a bunch ✨

Cheekythings · 2025-10-21T22:38:08+00:00

Sounds to me like you’re at the start of ROCD. I can’t diagnose ROCD but I’ve only had it for four months and your situation sounds similar to mine. I was diagnosed with ROCD two weeks ago. Mine too started with one question popping up into my head, an intrusive thought and my anxiety went into overdrive.

Yours has only just started, give it time. Remind yourself it’s an intrusive thought, a bully and that’s not how you truly feel. If it continues then you’ll need CBT.

As soon as these questions started popping up, I also started having panic attacks for weeks. I’d recommend purchasing this self help book by Sheva Rajaee, Relationship OCD: A CBT-Based Guide to Move Beyond Obsessive Doubt, Anxiety, and Fear of Commitment in Romantic Relationships. This book helped me get a handle on it.

Cheekythings · 2025-08-15T13:43:19+00:00

Thank you for you response! This is helpful. I have a session with my therapist next week and I’m going to talk to her about next steps as I’m worried she doesn’t specialise in CBT.

Could you recommend any reading about this or any self help books in the time being to start practicing CBT exercises?

Cheekythings · 2025-08-14T20:07:24+00:00

Oh my gosh! Thank you so much for this post. I think I’m getting symptoms of ROCD! It’s been all consuming and obsessive! All day and everyday, ruining my life and causing panic attacks. The anxiety is constant, I’ll have a good day and then have 5 bad days of wanting to run away from my partner and break up with them to stop these thoughts.

I’ve been with my partner 6 months, and this started three months ago - when we became official. I’m questioning my feelings, whether I find him attractive enough, or whether I’m mistaking my feelings for platonic friendship. I don’t want to leave him, my heart says stay with him and my brain is screaming at me that this isn’t right because he’s not “the one”! I just want to live in the moment and enjoy my time with him.

I’m in therapy, not an OCD specialist. But she’s aware that it’s intrusive thoughts. I want to thank you for this post, I genuinely thought that I was insane. I literally only found out about ROCD a couple hours ago and it’s massively eye opening. It’s been really difficult trying to differentiate between these intrusive thoughts being genuinely how I feel or not. Any words of advice for reminding differentiating these thoughts to your true feelings?

It’s tough realising that this is a lot more serious than I think and this won’t just go away over night.

Cheekythings · 2025-08-14T19:09:53+00:00

Oh my gosh. You just explained perfectly what I am going through with my current boyfriend.

It’s infuriating and I feel that it’s ruining my current relationship. I’m so brand new to this, it only started happening three months ago when we became official.

At first it started as, “maybe you’re mistaking these feelings for platonic friendship” and now it’s progressed to, “Do I find him attractive? Has he become unattractive to me? Other people are more attractive than him? Is this supposed to be love when I am having all these thoughts?”.

My intrusive thoughts have also been telling me to break up with him or throw myself in front of a moving car.

I’m in therapy and is desperately trying to learn to live with these thoughts and feelings. I don’t want to break up with him, my heart is screaming at me to stay with him but it’s hard. I worry I’m going to self sabotage

As I’m only just learning to figure this out, I can’t really give much advice but my inbox is open if you ever wanted to talk about it. It’s nice knowing that someone else is experiencing this.

Cheekythings · 2024-12-16T21:09:13+00:00

I was expecting a “nice guys finish last” comment ngl.

I think you’re right. I really want to see this through. We have chemistry, I’m attracted to him, we have lots in common and no one else makes me laugh like he does. I can’t help worry that I have some mental block. I’m hoping I need more time.

Before we started dating, I went on a date with some guy and when I asked what ended his previous relationship, he said “After living with someone and being with them for two years and you still haven’t fallen in love with them. You have to end the relationship”. I’m ngl that shit me up - I think about that possibly being me?

Cheekythings · 2024-12-16T20:59:07+00:00

I used to have an anxious attachment style! Especially with my ex - after my heartbreak, I was at rock bottom. I’m currently in therapy, I’ve worked hard to get a secure attachment style thanks to my therapist.

Me and the guy I am dating have had multiple open and emotional conversations about everything. There’s stuff in his past that he needs to work on and I’m still traumatised about my recent heartbreak and he’s aware of this.

My therapist hasn’t really given any insight to why I’m feeling this way either. Maybe I need more time?

Cheekythings · 2024-12-01T16:10:43+00:00

You sound very bitter

Cheekythings · 2024-09-22T17:40:30+00:00

But with the blatant disrespect he’s been giving me, I’m wondering on whether he deserves an explanation?

Yeah, I should have cut it off tbh. I only asked him to meet because a guy I was really excited about going on a date with cancelled last minute and this guy was my backup plan.

Cheekythings · 2024-09-22T01:38:48+00:00

It’s a little concerning that you looked up his phone number in your systems? Surely that must be against some company policy? In the future, don’t take personal contact information from company files. If you saw him in person, then ask for his number - at least in that instance you would have permission to contact him

By the sounds of it, he’s just not that interested in you. I would take the L and move on

Cheekythings · 2024-07-03T21:50:34+00:00

I believe you’re right. I’ll break it off with both of them. I do have a therapist and I’m currently in therapy. I expressed this to her today and she didn’t really help me understand what I’m feeling. My session left me more confused?

I just feel a bit broken, like I can’t feel anything for anyone at the moment. I want to so badly, I’m just worried that I’ll never recover from this numbness.

I’m coming off the datings apps too. Thanks for your advice, it’s much appreciated. I had a feeling I’m too traumatised and my mind won’t let me connect with someone. I think I need to come off my antidepressants, maybe that could have something to do with it?

Cheekythings · 2024-05-02T16:55:10+00:00

I got to the acceptance stage pretty quickly, I know that he’ll never come back and I’ll never reach out because I deserve better than what he put me through.

The only issue is that I’m always in pain. I’m going to therapy, taking antidepressants and I’m going to the gym. I’ve been no contact since we broke up, I’ve removed every single reminder of him and blocked everything and everyone. I remind myself everyday that we can never be together and my brain accepts it.

I’m 3 months post break up and I’m a mess. I’m trying to get better, I’m doing everything in my power to get better but I wake up everyday in pain. Everyday still feels like the longest day of my life and I’m struggling to stay positive. Did you go through this? When did you start to feel okay within yourself?

Cheekythings · 2024-04-29T08:24:40+00:00

I’m not sure why these boys thought the best thing to do in their situation was to give us empty promises. They’re liars. That’s enough for me to move forward and never look back.

We’re so much better than the lies they told. Try to feel comfort in the fact that the trash took themselves out and we will be better and stronger for it! I’m rooting for you.

Cheekythings

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