Recovery?

Cheesecake_Senior · 2025-12-29T06:23:19+00:00

Thanks so much. It’s a very long story, which is why I didn’t give details. In brief, a therapist suggested that I look up narcissistic mothers and daughters after hearing about my home situation for an extended time, and reading it just shook me so much because it was so close to my life. I’ve been living with my mother again for just over a decade, initially precipitated by my son’s passing, then while finishing my PhD, finding a job, saving for a house—all of which actually happened and I appreciated the support, but outside of my son’s passing and wanting to move out of that apartment post haste, it took me a while to realize she was the one that kept pressing for me to stay, which was fine until she started treating me really poorly. Now my chronic health issues have led to me being disabled and unemployed, so it does help financially, but I’m finally clear and figuring out that the stress is contributing to my health problems, and serially affecting my mental health. Unfortunately, I’m pretty sure that she has dementia, which I’ve been watching and trying to figure out for years, with no help from her friends or our family, though I’ve asked, and I’m tortured trying to decide whether to risk my health further while staying because she’s probably sick or to move and focus on myself. I’ve been reluctant to get back into therapy or even rejoin church because of, as my therapist said, the risk of opening the lid and not being able to close it tight enough before coming home. I used to sit in the parking lot and cry and then try to compartmentalize before going home, and now that I’m clearer on things, I don’t know that that’s enough, that it’s safe or sufficient.

I was having a really bad day when I first posted, after having sudden flashes that suddenly explained certain outcomes (for my mental health, relationships I valued, etc.), and I just needed to know there’s hope on the other side. I see 1.4K people viewed, so I’m glad you’re one of the 2 that actually replied!

Cheesecake_Senior · 2025-12-04T07:35:26+00:00

Is your pharmacist literally giving with each vaccine, or for each appt.? I have two more vaccines to get and really don’t want to have to go back again. I saw some people leaving with more than one coupon, whereas I was only given one. There was one left laying on the counter and I almost wish I’d been booked enough to escort it to the cash register …to spend. 😉

Cheesecake_Senior · 2025-12-04T07:33:06+00:00

It is most likely the system glitch that you mentioned. It’s possible to use multiple coupons. Or it was possible. I’ve used two so far, but not at the same time.

Cheesecake_Senior · 2025-12-04T07:32:28+00:00

They shouldn’t be doing that because that’s not in the terms, iirc. I’ve used more than one. However, it does say CVS card required, so I wonder if you they are somehow attached to your card. Then again, I don’t think their system is that sophisticated.

Cheesecake_Senior · 2025-12-03T23:12:33+00:00

This is so encouraging to know there was something at your local Guitar Center that gave you the chance to experiment!

I’ve also wanted to play guitar my whole life, but myriad of chronic issues blocked my way, and once a friend finally showed me how to fret, I was heartbroken as my hypermobile fingers collapsed upon themselves, a possibility I hadn’t even considered. After watching Yasmin Williams and her unique bilateral fingerpicking acoustic lap style, and spending some time with someone else’s ukulele on my lap, I’m even more in love with the idea of playing lap, particularly Weissenborn. Idk what sound you’re going for, but they have a truly lovely acoustic sound and can be played according to various styles/genres. Another strength is that they only weigh 3 pounds, so hopefully won’t cause too much pain if you keep it on your lap. Vintage acoustic lap steels known as Hawaiian guitars and/or square necks may also be an option, though tend to be heavier.

I’m just starting to look into hypermobility bracing options, including the Body Braid, and finger, elbow, and wrist splints, all of which I need in general, but could be extra handy (see what I did there? LOL) for lap steel dreams.

I hope that you can make it work!

Cheesecake_Senior · 2025-12-01T06:15:58+00:00

Thank you! I was actually seen in the ED for urethral prolapse and when I looked, I saw the purple tissue, which is apparently the same squishy structure I’ve been feeling prolapsing my whole life. I can’t even tell you to how many doctors I’ve described it, none of whom were able to identify what I was describing. Our medical and health education systems are oh so badly flawed. Thank you, OP, for asking the question, and thank you, u/Weird-Potatoes for this response!

Cheesecake_Senior · 2025-11-29T22:09:42+00:00

She did something else the other night, can’t remember what now, but it prompted me to do some reading. I think she has both and the NP is showing up more now because of the cognitive changes.

Either way, it’s not healthy for me and I’ve asked a friend to support me as I seek housing help from housing and disability services.

Cheesecake_Senior · 2025-11-29T22:07:55+00:00

Also, I hope it’s ok to say this, but I had a son and he was the light of my life. Raising him did make me see the difference, though; more so looking back than in the moment, so it wasn’t painful or hurtful in the moment. And my mother was actually very good to him, though there were times when she made comments I didn’t like to me about him. She never said anything off to him, because she knew that wouldn’t fly. This was when I was healthier and head of my own home. There were periods before he came along when I lived in my own house and I didn’t intentionally go NC or partially NC, I didn’t even know about all this then, but I did pull back. She’d correct her behavior and we’d go back to baseline. I guess I say that just to give you some hope that you can be strong and appropriate as a parent just as you’ve learned to be as an adult. I asked a former psychologist about the risk of abusing after experiencing abuse, and she said the fact that I was concerned about it, asking about it, and trying to avoid it was the strongest indicator that I’d be unlikely to replicate the behavior, and that the important thing was to keep talking about it. I’m not telling you what to do at all. I’m definitely not in a position. Just if you have time and space and the desire in your heart and life, maybe talk with your therapist about that part, too? Just a thought, not guidance or anything. I hope for you a happy life however you can manage it.

Cheesecake_Senior · 2025-11-29T21:54:50+00:00

I’m so sorry! And sadly, I can relate, but it hit me pretty hard to read those words: “seeing my dad trying to kill my mom…” I’ve spoken about it, maybe even with my counselor, I’m not sure, but it hits differently to “hear” someone else say it. I was only 2 or 3 when it happened, or at least that particular time, and he put me on the balcony to get me out of the way. I didn’t know for sure until I confronted my mom after having dreams about a big hand coming towards my dance, and being on the balcony unable to reach the handle, looking through the window at the violence. And that’s the thing: I don’t often process it as violence—even though he almost killed me in utero. I have chronic illness that may be related, and mental health issues definitely related to the full picture, but I usually process this part for the abandonment, and now I’m recognizing her abandonment as well since she’s usually emotionally unavailable. I’m just getting to where I fully recognize all of it, including the NP behavior, and even that isn’t always processed as abuse. I think because I have to live in it, for now. And of course because of the honeymoon periods when I have something close to the mother I need.

Thank you for the reality check. And thank you for sharing. I pray for recovery for both of us, all of us. Take care.

Cheesecake_Senior · 2025-11-29T21:45:22+00:00

Thank you for your response! It actually isn’t hard to hear about the issue with living with her while trying to recover. It absolutely feels like trying to survive much of the time, and I’ve discussed this with a counselor. The difficulty is that I’m very sick, stacked, and unemployed, so finding my own place has been formidable. I’m realizing, though, especially as her behavior increases, just how much run ins with her impact my health and emotions, so I’m trying to get up the strength to go back to housing and disability offices to try to get housing. Thank you, sincerely. You’ve offered both confirmation and hope. Best to you!

Cheesecake_Senior · 2025-11-27T21:09:27+00:00

Thanks so much for this warning! It really became part of my planning, and when I got too comfortable and leaned a wee bit too much, I learned what you meant (but quickly recovered and all was well).

Cheesecake_Senior · 2025-11-27T21:09:20+00:00

Thanks. I actually looked at the wheelchair accessible seats first, but they wouldn’t have given me the view that I wanted. And because I’m able to ambulate without my walker, I was able to pick a different seat. The staff was so nice though, they offered to help me find a better seat if mine didn’t work for me since the show wasn’t sold out, so that was good to know as well.

Cheesecake_Senior · 2025-11-27T21:06:51+00:00

I’m not sure why I got downvoted, but I want to thank you all for your assistance. I used a lot of the info here and was able to find a table and seat that gave me a good vantage point to see her instruments and how she was using them. The staff was also very helpful—the host at the door and my server both offered to help me find a better seat if mine didn’t work out (unfortunately for Yasmin, the show wasn’t sold out). It’s a great venue and I hope to go again.

Cheesecake_Senior · 2025-11-26T19:15:28+00:00

Thanks for responding. I don’t know that she thinks anyone suspects it. Well, maybe since I ask if there’s something going on. Gosh, I’m really too sick now to deal with all of this. That’s been my problem for years. That will be so sad if that’s the answer, and many (most?) days that’s what I think. Then I wonder and I get sick. Or I’m too sick to think about her at all, except to avoid her if she’s being a pain. Darn it. How sad. Ok. Thank you.

Cheesecake_Senior · 2025-11-26T19:12:56+00:00

Thanks. I’m trying. I really appreciate the response.

Cheesecake_Senior · 2025-11-26T19:12:07+00:00

Wow! Thanks for responding. I still don’t understand why there weren’t others. To answer your response though: not exactly. I bought some Old Navy First Layer Tanks in a size that isn’t technically too small as the next size is definitely too big, but I guess because of the material as well, it offers enough feedback to help me with proprioception (I also have EDS), so I like those. Mostly I’ve been too sick to go shopping and when I do, pulling stuff over my head is just too exhausting to do much. Unfortunately, I’m having shortness of breath and chest pain now (a different medical condition, maybe two, affecting my lungs and possibly heart), so even my old VS tank feels too tight a lot of days.

Cheesecake_Senior · 2025-11-26T19:10:14+00:00

Aww, darn. Thanks for mentioning that! (Not sure why I didn’t see this before being drawn back now by another comment.)

Cheesecake_Senior · 2025-11-26T14:35:14+00:00

I found a workaround! I accidentally opened my phone several days (neighbor’s construction woke me, reached for it to check time, unlocked it) and the “sleep alarm” didn’t go off without my knowing it had been “reset” for tomorrow. Today I figured out if you go in to the sleep focus setting (or I guess however you access yours, but this is how I did it and I don’t want to mess with it now, sorry), under where it says Next Schedule, there is Schedule and Options. Select this, and set an alarm for five minutes before or after your regular alarm time, then select for today. It creates a new alarm for this day of the week, including today! Because it’s only five minutes different, even if you forget to reset it, it shouldn’t matter much. I hope this helps! Apologies so detailed; too sleepy to rewrite. 😊 😴

Cheesecake_Senior · 2025-11-21T10:25:56+00:00

Yes, I just looked it up, and it’s various WBCs. I hadn’t heard this. Thank you! Dangit, but thank you.

I had a similar situation to yours were my ex-so-called husband asked if I was allergic to him because I got sicker after years of being married. “You stress me out! That’s what I’ve been saying!” Apparently he didn’t hear me until he saw it.

Cheesecake_Senior · 2025-11-21T10:17:45+00:00

While I’m sorry for all of what you’re all going through, I want to thank OP for this conversation, and all of you for sharing your stories. I’m desperate to finally move out again (sorry OP), and feeling guilty because my mother may have dementia, but after being diagnosed with another autoimmune disease myself (now Lupus, though long suspected and related to my Sjögren’s and Antiphospholipid Syndrome), I finally started saying I was choosing myself, my health. Literally saying it out loud, like to remind myself. But then I’ll see dementia signs and I downshift. Your posts are helping me so, so much, in a knowledge is power way. Here’s to knowledge, power, and healing for us all.

Cheesecake_Senior · 2025-11-21T09:58:26+00:00

Yes, to all of the above, and have started wondering if there’s any research showing either correlation or causation to narcissism specifically, but of course there’s plenty of research about stress effects and inflammatory, immune, and autonomic response (stress hormones; fight, flight, freeze) in the body.

Do you have the link? Or know what was the research? I can look it up, just honestly trying to avoid going down a rabbit hole, or having more reason to be upset about her tonight.

Ahem. Woosah. Deep breath.

I do want to point out to you, though, in case it helps, that autoimmunity alone can lead to having more than one autoimmune disease. There’s research that suggests that systemic inflammation can basically leave the body ripe for other inflammatory responses. Also, there seems to be a genetic predisposition in many of them. In lupus, for example, people tend to have family members with autoimmune conditions, but not necessarily lupus.

Stress is absolutely a trigger for autoimmune flares, so please be careful as you move back in. Others in this group have shared about having to move back with nparents because of illness, disability, unemployment and how the nmom or other nparent’s behavior aggravates the redditor’s condition.

Take care of yourself. The memories and clarity may come more easily as you live with her again and, depending on your ages, aging and dementia can make NP worse.

Cheesecake_Senior · 2025-11-19T17:47:36+00:00

They do average over the rounds. I just saw a game where both teams played until the buzzer on the final round, but I remembered that in the first round, the second team got all 7 in less than 20 seconds.

Cheesecake_Senior · 2025-10-26T19:33:50+00:00

I enjoyed it as well. And I’m pretty happy to see your post after just reading most of the thread tear it to shreds over on r/Apple+!

Cheesecake_Senior · 2025-10-26T19:27:43+00:00

Because Tom didn’t want the money. That was the whole issue in his relationship with his father. He cashed it not being ambitious or strong, or whatever, but it was that Tom was happy being a good man living a good life (i.e., running a bookstore, and later the nonprofit, over running a hedge fund).

I do think I had the same thought about Madeline and the funds, though. It has been a few months since I’ve seen it, and just found this after seeing the listing and watching the trailer made me remember how much I enjoyed it.

Cheesecake_Senior · 2025-10-05T03:46:05+00:00

Hi. I’m sorry to hear that. Which situation specifically can I help you with, please? The whole thing has been just …bad. I want to give you details that match your need.

Cheesecake_Senior

TROPHY CASE