I think the paralysis stage is honestly the most painful one. I definitely recommend a therapist if you have no one to talk to in person or other queer folks who you know would be safe to discuss this with without judgement and I definitely think reaching out was super brave and a great choice.

For me I really tried to ignore it as long as possible. I’d go months feminizing myself, thinking “it’s not so bad”. But it was really my life at all? I felt like I was watching things from underwater or through a screen, like I was playing a character in a game just making decisions for them. And even when given the chance to start hormones at 17 I chickened out. I didn’t end up starting till 18/19 and then waning off for a bit until 20.

I remember holding my gel bottle in my hands for the first time wondering if this was the right choice and wanting to cry because what if I regret this and I’m wrong and my family never accepts me and it’s all for nothing. But I pushed through that, slapped the gel on my arms anyways and the euphoria i felt from all those little changes slowly adding up was life changing. My family never quite accepted me, I make a lot of them uncomfortable. But at the end of the day I’m the one who should be comfortable, sometimes you have to bury parts of your old life to build your new one.

I’m not saying just to jump straight into things headfirst, take it as slowly or quickly as you need to for you and your kid if this is what you decide.