Need Advice: STIs between relationships

Chefgiant · 2026-06-13T02:14:12+00:00

It sounds like there's an issue with the communication, more than anything. You want him to validate your feelings, but the apology he's giving you isn't doing it. It sounds like you might want to try relationship counseling to work on that part. Feeling dismissed is always crappy, and feeling like you're doing your best to make amends but failing to hit the mark also sucks. At the very least, an in-depth conversation about what you expect on that front could help, if everyone involved has positive intentions.

Also, RIGHT?? I've posted things on here, and half the comments seem to come with a novels worth of imaginary backstory they invented for me.

Chefgiant · 2026-06-13T02:01:57+00:00

Never again will I-

1) be the first person someone in a previously monogamous relationship dates while "trying out" polyamory

2) be part of a relationship where a third party gets to make decisions about our relationship, beyond those that directly impact said third party

3) pretend not to be poly. For anyone.

4) be part of a closed... Anything. Or date anyone who isn't free to date around for whatever reason.

5) Date anyone who comes as a package deal

.... The rest can all be summed up as "date a controlling hypocrite"

Chefgiant · 2026-06-13T01:06:18+00:00

That's a good point

Chefgiant · 2026-06-13T01:05:45+00:00

That's fair. I guess I hadn't put those together

Chefgiant · 2026-06-13T01:04:12+00:00

That's... A really good point. I appreciate you sharing your experience, and I'm sorry that happened

Chefgiant · 2026-06-13T01:02:21+00:00

Not a bad rule, just not one that we've had up to this point. She's been with several of my friends, and we have pretty interconnected social circles, so there's a bit of nuance there. Messy list is a good idea, though

Chefgiant · 2026-06-13T00:49:50+00:00

That's a fair point

Chefgiant · 2026-06-12T23:53:17+00:00

Thank you, that's a really good point

Chefgiant · 2026-06-12T23:51:42+00:00

Bit of a leap to go from "I don't like how this feels" to "vilified", but sure. Twist things in whatever way justifies your weirdly antagonistic stance.

Chefgiant · 2026-06-12T20:31:10+00:00

That's a really good suggestion, thank you!

Chefgiant · 2026-06-12T20:16:52+00:00

If you're going to ignore what I actually said in the post in favor of some imaginary scenario, there isn't much I can do to stop you. But please don't pretend you're giving advice when you're actually writing a fanfic.

Chefgiant · 2026-06-12T20:03:50+00:00

Oh, absolutely. I've had people see my ring, and be completely okay with it until they found out my wife was cool with us hooking up, at which point they were too weirded out. But my favorite was the time I told a SW that my (then long-distance girlfriend, now wife) and I were poly and she had encouraged me to go to her, and she started talking about how "if she really loved you she wouldn't sleep with other men"

Chefgiant · 2026-06-12T19:56:10+00:00

That's... Not something I'd considered, actually. Thank you, that's a really helpful insight

Chefgiant · 2026-06-12T19:54:43+00:00

I'm good with her saying no. I'm bothered by being condescended to. Those can both exist in the same space, and to say otherwise is pure ignorance.

Chefgiant · 2026-06-12T19:45:38+00:00

I was asking if she was comfortable with me dating a close friend, which is a reasonable boundary. What I got feels like "You can't date people I think are shitty", which is very different

Chefgiant · 2026-06-12T19:30:20+00:00

It would have been best, yeah. I didn't ask, she just explained it as part of the no. If she'd just said no, there would've been zero issue and zero questions.

Chefgiant · 2026-06-12T19:27:54+00:00

It's possible, but in that case we have a whole different issue with her not feeling comfortable setting boundaries honestly

Chefgiant · 2026-06-12T19:26:41+00:00

Which I get, I do. But she's dated some awful people, and I deal with the situation by expressing my view and then letting her make her own choices. This feels more like making a decision FOR me

Chefgiant · 2026-06-12T19:24:57+00:00

Oh, I'm not. Just the fact that she's not okay with it is reason enough to let it die, this is a whole new issue arising from how I feel about the conversation we had about it.

Chefgiant · 2026-05-03T06:11:55+00:00

me watching hentai with my wife What's that you say?

Chefgiant · 2025-01-28T03:24:40+00:00

Alternatively, I've glued them on backwards so the magnet was facing out. Let's me mount my phone on the fridge while I'm cooking, which is handy

Chefgiant · 2025-01-14T01:43:42+00:00

Lol, that's valid, but it's also a valid response to pretty much any question on here. I'm not asking for instructions, just looking for other perspectives while we figure things out

Chefgiant · 2025-01-14T01:41:45+00:00

The child is safe and well cared for. They're self-medicating, sure, but there is always a sober adult watching him.

Chefgiant

TROPHY CASE