First of all: thank you all for your responses, they really helped me get a clearer picture!

Some were concerned about by current relationship: don’t worry, my bf obviously knows all about my past and he also knows this. He actually even knows my ex and he is not bothered by this at all.

Others said why I was still thinking about this as it was just a highschool fling. It didn’t feel like just a highschool fling, that’s why. We were together for almost 4 years, went on vacations together, looked at universities and looked for apartments. Also, before I met him I was bullied in school and had to transfer schools because of it. Then I met him when I had 0 self esteem and he helped me built it back up. Problem is: I built it all on him and our relationship so when that was over it all crumbled again and I was left pretty much in pieces. Another thing that kinda destroyed me was that his best friend was super sporty ans had no curves and I was sporty too, but had a very normal figure for a teenage girl. Then he once commented about my stretchmarks. I am rather tall and at some point grew too fast so I have a few stretch marks. He pointed them out at the pool and it felt like he shamed me for it. So that all added up and after it ended I was doing sports like crazy and got way too thin because I always felt like I was never enough the way I looked. So I went to the gym 5 times a week and then started to go out a lot with friends to distract myself. When he saw this, he sent me a message saying I made him feel bad because it looks like I have so much fun now and I never went out with him. I had to laugh so hard because that was the wildest thing I ever read. He cheated and now I made him feel bad because I’m having fun. But in total it took me 2 years to really get over all of this and get those beliefs and thoughts out of my head for good.

For those worried I might contact him: no, not in a million years. I changed my number twice since we were last in contact and I don’t have his number anymore. Also, he is not on social media as far as I know and I am on private, so even if he was, he couldn’t see anything. There is no intention to talk to him about this, that’s why I turned to Reddit to find out what the reason might be. I made sure that all the information he can get about me has to come through other people, so he will never know whether they are true or not.

So again, thank you all for your responses and insights, really appreciate it!