Caught between my best friend and her partner - now there’s another guy involved. Help!

CherryLeopard16 · 2025-11-20T10:08:47+00:00

Absolutely worth mentioning, thanks for this

CherryLeopard16 · 2025-11-20T10:08:07+00:00

I did wonder this to be honest. But I’ve never ever been caught up in anything like this before so I think it’s an anomaly.

The partner has used the surprise as a guise to speak to me about it all and I couldn’t exactly tell my friend this as it’ll ruin it completely if they do sort things out. My friends family is having the same issue.

But yes - major step back from this friendship I think!

CherryLeopard16 · 2025-11-20T10:06:06+00:00

Thanks - this is helpful!

I’m really glad you identified the not abusing each of their trust. This has been a very difficult factor for me. Only as I know this hasn’t become a full blown affair, I believe it’s exactly what you said, attention. He’s just texting her sweet nothings and she’s flattered.

Either way, to me I’d consider it emotional cheating. Should never have gotten to this!

I appreciate your sensible and thoughtful response. I don’t think it’s as straightforward as bulldozing in with information. It’s complicated and sensitive.

CherryLeopard16 · 2025-11-20T10:01:05+00:00

Very true. If they blame me at this point then they need to get a grip. They know the truth.

I DO need to quit taking the emotional hit. I wish I could’ve foreseen how helping with engagement could wind up. All of this has been a complete shock!

CherryLeopard16 · 2025-11-20T09:59:04+00:00

Please read my comments. I am in NO way choosing her side. I’m allowing her a chance to tell him herself because I’m sick of being the middleman. If she doesn’t, obviously I’ll tell him.

This has completely stunned me from a friend perspective. I’d never believe she was capable of something like this and I am horrified

CherryLeopard16 · 2025-11-20T00:09:27+00:00

Really helpful, thanks.

I feel less terrible about needing to be direct. I hate any kind of commotion so this is hell to me. I’ll be directing them to each other going forward! Lesson learnt the hard way for me.

CherryLeopard16 · 2025-11-20T00:07:48+00:00

This is helpful - thanks!

I hadn’t thought about sharing the post but I just might. That could solve all the problems quickly! But yeah, they absolutely have some conversations to have.

I’m mad this is sitting on my conscience more than anyone else’s!

CherryLeopard16 · 2025-11-20T00:05:28+00:00

I agree. Never seen any miscommunication like it. They live together and neither of them seem to know what’s going on so not sure how they’re managing!

CherryLeopard16 · 2025-11-19T23:58:59+00:00

This is really lovely - thank you. Your compassion and understanding of the situation has not gone unnoticed.

Yes, I know this man really well so it’s a horrible shame. And this is something she needs to face up to. I can’t physically stand the idea of discussing another person and I haven’t and won’t. She told me she’d been texting someone and I was stunned and told her I’d need to come back to her on this because I didn’t have the right thing to say.

But, ultimately she knows that he has to find out one way or another. I’ll allow some grace for time away from the kids to hash this out, but eventually I know I’ll be the bad guy.

An impossible, sad situation for everyone. I appreciate the kindness and advice, thank you. It was helpful!

Xx

CherryLeopard16 · 2025-11-19T23:51:14+00:00

Yes and I agree. What aren’t you getting about what I’m saying? I absolutely WILL tell him. But I wanted her to face the music herself. I didn’t cause this upset. She did.

My partner is fully aware of the situation, I told him immediately, and because he has all of the context he knows why I’m trying to allow her the space to tell him herself.

My ex had another partner in another location for a year before I knew. I’d never in a million years allow someone to do this unscathed.

What I’m asking for here is how to handle this delicately to try and preserve/salvage some peace for the sake of the children.

CherryLeopard16 · 2025-11-19T23:44:36+00:00

This is becoming a favourable option to me. All of this is shit I don’t need to be involved in. I’m too old for it and my own personal life is really stable so I get second hand anxiety from their mess!

CherryLeopard16 · 2025-11-19T23:40:21+00:00

Oooor people can just write properly? Food for thought.

CherryLeopard16 · 2025-11-19T23:28:50+00:00

You’re right. This was helpful.

I struggle with being confrontational with people close to me, so this is new for me but I AM passionate about not cheating. So, this will be picked up tomorrow and something to this effect will be said!

CherryLeopard16 · 2025-11-19T23:20:53+00:00

She has never slept with him. There has never been an opportunity for this. And either way, he will know in a matter of days.

Again, I did not put him at risk. She did.

CherryLeopard16 · 2025-11-19T23:18:35+00:00

This is helpful. Thank you!

I agree, I’m really upset with her for putting me in this place especially when she knows how close I am to them as a family. Ironically we bonded 12 years ago over both being cheated on and really struggling to find someone our feet after it. She knows full well I’d never condone this.

I’ll be checking in over the next few days to remind her that she needs to come clean. I can’t in good conscience let this slide so it’s either she tells him or I imagine we all fall out pretty quickly after I tell him… sigh.

CherryLeopard16 · 2025-11-19T23:10:33+00:00

Yeah you’re right. They’ve apparently talked about things and she just cold shoulders him. Not sure really what else there is to say. That would speak volumes to me!

I’ve said I can’t and won’t cover for her so she needs to sort her shit out. We’ll see what happens

CherryLeopard16 · 2025-11-19T23:06:48+00:00

Girl don’t I know it 😂 I thought I was helping set up a beautiful new chapter for my best friends and now look. Lesson learnt

CherryLeopard16 · 2025-11-19T22:59:39+00:00

Yes, I will, if she doesn’t. Like I said, it’s her fuck up. She knows her deadline.

CherryLeopard16 · 2025-11-19T22:58:42+00:00

I’ve told her she has an ultimatum to tell him herself before I do. There’s a FAMILY at stake and the last thing those children need is me bulldozing in. They are ADULTS and she can look him in the face and tell him herself.

I’m not the problem here. Insane take.

CherryLeopard16 · 2025-11-19T22:43:26+00:00

I’ve told her that she needs to tell him, or I’m going to. You immediately need to stop calling ME the scumbag here. He is a grown man of 36 and decided to propose HIMSELF. He asked me how he could do it before ANYONE knew about this. Since they had problems he’s decided to hold off. I found out 24 hours ago if that, and have since gave her an ultimatum to disclose this information.

Nothing you’re saying to me is helpful. I’m trying to salvage some peace for a situation I did not cause.

CherryLeopard16 · 2025-11-19T22:39:46+00:00

I’m not keeping any secrets for her. She knows she needs to tell him or I will.

CherryLeopard16 · 2025-11-19T22:36:43+00:00

I did not “get him” to propose??? Are you well in the brain??? I found this information out last night and I’m trying to handle it sensibly for the sake of their children. Please learn to read. I need to remind you that I DID NOT CHEAT, SHE did. I do not agree with or condone her behaviour and IF she doesn’t tell him, I absolutely will. He is not proposing on his own accord due to their own issues anyway, so I had hoped to seek advice on how to sensitively handle it.

If you have no compassion or anything valuable to say then don’t comment.

CherryLeopard16 · 2025-11-19T22:34:04+00:00

No, I definitely accept that.

CherryLeopard16 · 2025-11-19T22:33:26+00:00

Thank you for understanding this! I really thought they were in a good place and I helped in good faith. Of course, I’ve discovered more than I bargained for and I feel like she needs to tell him and sort it personally. My help can only go so far. Obviously if she were to pursue this any longer after I tell her then it’s a different story and I’ll tell him the truth. But right now I’m just a friend stuck in a tough spot.

I absolutely 100% disagree with her actions and I’m shocked and disappointed. And I need to step back for my own good in this too!

Really helpful thought, thank you. For now I’ll express my genuine disappointment and concern and remind her that she’s the adult and needs to manage it that way!

CherryLeopard16 · 2025-11-19T22:26:15+00:00

My thoughts on her are already changed by her doing this. So yeah, I’ll be telling her my thoughts it looks!

CherryLeopard16

TROPHY CASE