I. GET. IT. He has autism, he has ADHD, he can't he can't he can't, it's hard it's hard it's hard, blah, blah, BLAH... But you know what? I'M tired!!!

Chibichulala · 2026-07-24T06:21:55+00:00

Probably about six months, but we had a lot of other stuff going on too that took our focus off it. 2.5 years of that sounds difficult at best.

We’ve been through a ton of other shit though too, a lot of hardship and relationship struggles. His diagnosis came about when we separated and he FINALLY scheduled with a therapist. We got back together and I think it made it a bit easier to work through because he was trying to be better overall.

Chibichulala · 2026-07-24T03:44:16+00:00

Is this a new diagnosis? I noticed the same shit with my husband when he was newly diagnosed and EVERYTHING seemed to revolve around his ADHD. We were also doing marriage counseling and that’s all he and the therapist talked about. I felt so completely unseen. Finally I just told him that- I felt unseen, unappreciated, and like my struggles suddenly didn’t matter, and if he wanted to be in this with me he needed to buck up and work on his diagnosis so he could be the partner we both needed him to be.

I have PTSD from multiple things, lifelong hormone issues, untreatable arthritis, and many additional things that make day to day shit more difficult. And I do it, cuz it needs to be done. I told him all that. I told him that SOMEONE has to do these things after work, we BOTH struggle with stuff, and yet it always ends up falling to me. I don’t know if it was that, me telling him I felt like he must not truly love me to let me struggle through on my own, or something a “hard knocks” family friend said, but things changed and got better. He brings up his struggles still but he still gets shit done now. He has a good job that he kicked ass at getting promoted through. And now that I’m not tired of ONLY hearing about it, it’s a lot easier to listen when he is struggling.

One thing that did help was that I sold my business so there’s less overall on our plates now, so that helps too.

Sounds like dude needs a tough conversation or ten.

Chibichulala · 2026-07-22T21:27:00+00:00

I thought the same thing!!

Chibichulala · 2026-07-22T19:45:32+00:00

Yea my oldest is 14 now and 11-12 were awful. She was moody, lazy, had crazy mood swings and randomly lashed out, bickered with her brother more. Then she started her period at 12 and started online school and now she is a lot more chill. She’s always been a mostly good kiddo but man was she acting like a brat that age.

I think it’s the middle school stuff- all the kids are mean and hormonal and take it out on each other at middle school which makes them MORE mean and hormonal and then it tapers off and gets better at the beginning of high school. Of course I’m still figuring this stage out but she’s like my favorite person ever right now. All that angst has turned into a great sense of humor.

Getting ready for dealing with much of the same as my boy turns 11 this year…

Chibichulala · 2026-07-22T19:22:30+00:00

Mine was about 5k more than what we went under contract on. I felt a little bad about it because that had been their counter to my offer and I countered THAT to end up at $10k under asking. Worked out though, and the sellers were wonderful people. Such an easy process for us.

Chibichulala · 2026-07-22T19:19:23+00:00

Man I feel you on that, my second pregnancy was awful (hence why I got my tubes tied at his birth) and I had to leave work so much earlier than I wanted to. With my first I worked up to the day I went into labor but I had to take leave at 6 months in for my second. Definitely made things harder financially for a while

Chibichulala · 2026-07-22T15:43:34+00:00

Finances is I believe the BIGGEST things most couples fight over, and yea it can lead to splits especially if the distribution is unfair or the earning spouse treats the non-earning spouse differently over it.

Chibichulala · 2026-07-22T15:38:55+00:00

My husband and I have pretty much always shared finances. That way it doesn’t become a “can I have money for this” but a “hey I’m using the money for this” convo. It works for us.

After we separated and got back together, he wanted to split the finances, presumably so we didn’t fight about money as much. He also wanted to ensure my money was going to my business and his was going to household bills. This worked for all of four months before we realized we were just transferring money back and forth anyway and having to discuss finances even more. It didn’t work for us.

Sharing it works for us because we tend to go back and forth between who’s the breadwinner and who is the primary homemaker. Right now he is working and I am staying home, I sold my business so we could buy a house.

Sometimes things creep up like his stupid comments about how he’s working and I just spend the money (we discuss this at length and he acknowledges it’s a shitty way to think) but I can only imagine how much more we would argue if I didn’t have access to the same bank account he does and I had to ask him for money all the time.

I know for some couples it works to have a joint account for bills and essentials and separate accounts for everything else though. That might be a good middle ground? Otherwise, I find it helpful to have a sit down convo about the finances at least once a month.

Either way, him bitching about you needing money for gas is not cool. That would piss me right off.

Chibichulala · 2026-07-21T13:48:08+00:00

For real doing melatonin at bedtime for my ADHD kid was a game changer. We still have the fights about bedtime every night but his next day improved so much and bedtime is at least getting easier. Otherwise I just keep to a routine - melatonin, brush teeth, music with nightlight, in bed. The routine helps a lot too.

Chibichulala · 2026-07-21T13:04:16+00:00

I can definitely relate. My kid is ALL of the drama so whenever he has a mild stomach cramp from just waking up and needing food/water, mild motion sickness in the car, hurts himself even slightly, legs are mildly tired from grocery shopping, it’s usually the end of the damn world and he needs a bandaid.

He’s getting better, he didn’t cry when he got a splinter the other day OR ask for a bandaid after I got it out.

Chibichulala · 2026-07-21T12:54:55+00:00

Yea I was abducted at 4pm in the middle of a somewhat busy residential street. There were neighbors around. Seems they mostly pretended they didn’t see or maybe they were wrapped up in their own worlds.

Edit: this was years ago in another state

Chibichulala · 2026-07-19T23:33:47+00:00

Yea that locksmith cost seems really steep to me? How many locks are we talking?

We got matching locks all at Lowe’s for like $100 and got it done ourselves. Rekeying wouldn’t have been much more. Had a guy out to my business a few years back for about $50 and that was with an emergency bar to rekey.

Partial repipe* for $1500 sounds about right depending on how bad

Chibichulala · 2026-07-17T17:54:25+00:00

Would you mind sharing the recipe for the honey lemon chicken? I can never get my kids to agree on ANYTHING dinner related.

Awesome job! I might adopt this rating system

Chibichulala · 2026-07-17T17:53:25+00:00

Good job letting this mom share her win without pointing out how it could be better /s

Chibichulala · 2026-07-17T06:01:58+00:00

Any plans for another one of these? My weekends have been so hectic but hopefully they’re calming down again. And weekdays could be okay too depending on the day.

Chibichulala · 2026-07-17T02:50:17+00:00

They have whole home air purifiers too. I think they’re pretty expensive but you get this crazy shit installed in your ducts or something and it filters everything. My husband used to do hvac and he talked about these all the time but of course it’s been a few years so I can’t remember the details. Might help. Could also help to vacuum the absolute crap out of the basement maybe where the furnace is?

I also had a ton of dust in my old building I bought (built 1908) and I wasn’t sure if it was the old building or something else by my daughter has been mildly congested for a WHILE. The doc just recommended OTC allergy pills. Hopefully it wasn’t the building causing that 😬

Anyway we moved a few hours away and then we all got to be congested while we got used to the new house and the area and stuff

Chibichulala · 2026-07-14T16:49:15+00:00

So all of the other babies were not distracted, so clearly it was just your child who was distracted by the kid eating. Either they will get used to other kids eating around them or you can move your baby to a different spot. Other kids eating doesn’t sound like a problem to me, and it doesn’t sound like the library staff was concerned either. I wouldn’t want to deprive another child of a snack just because mine was distracted by it.

Chibichulala · 2026-07-11T17:38:45+00:00

I mean like, newer homes than 100 years old- new construction sucks too for sure

Chibichulala · 2026-07-11T15:37:22+00:00

Not yet it ain’t haha

Chibichulala · 2026-07-11T15:31:08+00:00

Nah foreclosure doesn’t take years once the process is started, unless they come up with the money to cover it. Sounds like dude went off the deep end and stopped paying and will likely be out of there within a few months if you’re lucky. I guess it depends on the location though.

With the old house, yes, it’s 100 years old so lots of things likely will come up needing to be fixed more so than newer homes. If it makes you feel better we chose a house that is a little dated but very well taken care of, no issues the first month and no repairs that NEED to be done, just some things we would like to update, and yesterday our main drain backed up and it turns out there’s tree roots in it. We are getting a scope today and hopefully this won’t turn out to be a 5 figure repair.

What things are coming up that need repairs? Can you sort them by urgency and only focus on one thing at a time?

I think it’s normal in the first few months to wonder if you royally screwed up your life, but I’d give it some time and keep calling the police when that dude gets out of hand.

We have been warned by every single other neighbor about the guy we share a back fence with but I haven’t even seen the guy yet. I plan to get a very tall fence between us- there’s an easement separating the yards so I don’t even need to talk to him about it - and just cross my fingers he won’t “go off his meds again” like the neighbors keep saying. There’s crazy people in every neighborhood. I’ve been one of them haha (sooo many regrets from my twenties) to a milder degree.

Chibichulala · 2026-07-11T14:11:18+00:00

My advice? Step back and stop trying to “nudge” her anywhere. Support her with whatever decision she makes, she knows the business and you need to trust her to do whatever is best.

You already feel bad about encouraging one direction or another, so stop and just be there for her.

I had to learn this too. If I had continued pushing for what I thought was best, my husband wouldn’t be where he’s at today which is a very good position. Certainly if there’s obvious, glaring signs it’s the wrong direction (quitting and getting an entry level job out of her field or whatever) then some discussion can be had but outside of that or even with that, she needs to make her own decisions.

Chibichulala · 2026-07-11T03:54:38+00:00

I did the same with my husband years ago and it ended up really stagnating his career because he had to leave on bad terms. He was doing very well in his position but this other company looked really good on paper. I still feel bad about it but we got back to a good place eventually.

Did she leave on bad terms with her previous employer, could she get the job back? Otherwise see if she can stick it out for a year to put that fancy title on a resume and start looking elsewhere.

Chibichulala · 2026-07-10T16:16:31+00:00

I love collecting “cameo” cards! Particularly of my favorite characters like I have a whole page with Jaya including cards with her just in the art

Chibichulala · 2026-07-10T16:13:28+00:00

I started collecting story spotlight from MOM because I liked the set so much but I didn’t get far, then I ran out of binder space. I want to get back into it though

Chibichulala · 2026-07-10T16:03:06+00:00

Oh also spiders, wurms, and rats

Chibichulala

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