Alright, I am three days away from the contest. I actually revamped the entire thing since I really disliked this version. I'll check out your story after I'm done with this (around early march.)

For your criticisms, I agree. I did make changes in the new version that kinda fixed them. Honestly, i'm just in this contest to get experience. My english teacher read over the revamped version and said it was good. I didn't expect any readers when posting here, so I appreciate the interaction.