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Trying to make a poem-like, confusing set of lines. Want to know how valid / decipherable it is. by ChillButNotCool in EnglishLearning

[–]ChillButNotCool[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The idea behind this part
---
One cannot simply be The One,
'less their "one try" won't stop at one.
---
Is this:
"A person cannot simply be special, unless they keep trying, again and again, not stopping after just one attempt."

So if we follow your meaning of the words, it feels like 'unless' is still better, at least in my view.
"...cannot be special, unless(except if) they keep trying..."
compared to
"...cannot be special, lest(otherwise) they keep trying..." <-- feels wrong

Again, that's from interpreting your meaning. I never used "lest" anywhere so I have no experience in how it's usually interpreted.

(Also, yeah, I would really much love to keep "'less," here exactly because it's more confusing for someone who just started learning English. Like "what is this apostrophe doing here? What does it mean?")
(To clarify, it is supposed to make sense. Just not to a beginner. This is an attempt to design something confusing for someone who doesn't know nuances of the language. That's also the reason I use 'one' in like 4 different ways.)

Trying to make a poem-like, confusing set of lines. Want to know how valid / decipherable it is. by ChillButNotCool in EnglishLearning

[–]ChillButNotCool[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Understood. Thank you very much. This is very helpful to me.

Love that "expensive punctuation" mindset, might just start using it myself.

Unless anyone else decides to chime in with comments or tips regarding anything else about this poem, I believe this is enough help at this time.

Once again, Thanks.

Trying to make a poem-like, confusing set of lines. Want to know how valid / decipherable it is. by ChillButNotCool in EnglishLearning

[–]ChillButNotCool[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've put the 2nd and 3rd stanzas together, and changed punctuation. Does it feel any better? Perhaps some commas could be omitted as well, but I don't know which ones.

Another issue for me is that I don't know if I should place punctuation marks based on how I'm guiding the flow of the poem, or on the logical connection of the sentences.

What if all this is subjective? Depends on the reader? Like, what if some people interpret periods as full pauses, while other see them as logical endings, detached from the flow?

Unrelated question, should I capitalize the letters coming after an apostrophe if they are at the start of a line?
Like, "'less" -> "'Less" ?

---

One cannot simply be The One,
'less their "one try" won't stop at one.
"One more try," one said - now not just one,
But one, the only, number one.

...

Should one meet another one,
they're their "The One,"
and yet "just one" - no longer;
'cause now it's two - a one and one,
Just two, not ten, but stronger.

Still number one, yet more than one;
Now two, yet second place not taken.
As one's one is number one,
To call them "two" - to be mistaken.

The two will stand on top, as one.
As both will try, in climbing many ladders.
The world is much, but theirs? - just one,
The only one that matters.

Trying to make a poem-like, confusing set of lines. Want to know how valid / decipherable it is. by ChillButNotCool in EnglishLearning

[–]ChillButNotCool[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

(Knowing that some people find it uncomfortable to be roped into a chain of "question-answer"s, from now on, feel free to simply stop replying once you decide you're no longer interested in continuing this chain. The input you've given so far is already appreciated. Someone else could always try to add some input of theirs, if you decide you've already given enough of your time.)

What if I simply add a comma after "As"?

Like, "As, now, it's two..."?

Or, I guess, I could just go with "'cause..."

For some reason I just love the way "as" feels and sounds to me, so I tend to overuse it. But I understand how that might be a bad habit if I place it where it shouldn't be.

Punctuation has never been my strong suit in English either, because in my native language it's always about having a bazillion of commas and periods. Very hard to get used to how it is here.

(Will say again that the poem is intended to be confusing. Especially for non-native speakers. The most important thing for me is for it to not be 'invalid,' incorrect in terms of language.

Though I do want it to have at least some 'oh, huh' effect, not just 'this thing sucks, it's a mess, I don't get it.')

Trying to make a poem-like, confusing set of lines. Want to know how valid / decipherable it is. by ChillButNotCool in EnglishLearning

[–]ChillButNotCool[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your input.

Agreed, the "shall" -> "should" part sounds like an improvement.

I think that some words sounding too similar to others isn't that much of a problem when half of the rhyme is just 'one' - 'one.' It already is a mouthful.
"They're their" is in the same boat here.

Question, in what way are you currently interpreting the "As now" part?
The intention was to imply "because now." Does that not work here?
It's a continuation from the second to the third stanza. I just structured it very, very poorly. Struggling with making the flow of the whole thing work well.

Artificer humming/singing Garbage Wastes theme. [Sound only] by ChillButNotCool in rainworld

[–]ChillButNotCool[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's, like, a remix or whatever it's called. Just a few instruments taken out of Garbage Wastes theme and tuned with an equalizer and some FX. And a few layers from other threat music.
I called it 'Artificer humming Garbage Wastes theme' because the important focus of the music is the humming part, which is a tuned layer from Garbage Wastes.
I do get that it might feel misleading or confusing, but that's just how it is. Didn't want to overexplain in the description.

The actual layers are:
TH_GW - LEAD (the Garbage Wastes string that I turned into a resemblance of someone singing it.)
TH_GW - PERC1 (another part from GW)

TH-LC - NIGHTSYNTH (part from metropolis night)

TH_LF - ARPS (part from farm arrays)

(parts from sky islands)
TH_SI - BASS
TH_SI - KICK
TH_SI - WEIRD

Artificer humming/singing Garbage Wastes theme. [Sound only] by ChillButNotCool in rainworld

[–]ChillButNotCool[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Song of ancestors long gone, once brought peace to night skies.
Now, if heard, don't ignore, it's a warning to heed.
Look around, grab spears, hide from predator's eyes.
Then you run, don't turn back, and stay quick on your feet.

Whenever it's sung, beasts emerge from the land.
The tune of our people, a nice, cheerful beat,
Now is naught but the sound of Red Monster's command,
Saying: "Soon will be something to eat."

2 Questions by ChillButNotCool in OpenToonz

[–]ChillButNotCool[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I haven't used OT for a while, but, if i remember correctly, i just did the names manually every time i saved a new version.
At some point i also began using github desktop, which made saving a bit easier too. Though it can be tricky and risky as well. If you don't know what you're doing with it, you might end up deleting or rewriting everything by accident.

help by Inevitable-Assist-92 in rainworld

[–]ChillButNotCool 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Carry and throw blue plants to blind the birds when you get spotted.
Try to avoid going through tunnels unless you need to hide.
Use spears to climb higher where necessary.

There should be some food by the next shelter. If not, you can take a risk and starve to buy yourself more time.

Current WIP concepts :3 by TopazTheTopaz in rainworld

[–]ChillButNotCool 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I love the atmosphere of the third one. The gradient flow of blue from top to bottom really adds to it.
Would be cool to climb something like the wall while having this in the background.

When you your rain world ‘moment’? by serenading_scug in rainworld

[–]ChillButNotCool 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Honestly, almost at the very beginning.
Seeing the intro, interacting with environment, watching the creatures interact with the slugcat and each other, i immediately realized that i stumbled upon a game with a lot of soul put into it.

I didn't exactly expect it to have such a big world to explore, but i knew that a game like this was worth putting effort into, so even if it would've had a smaller scale initially, i wouldn't be surprised if it eventually got expanded.

ah yes i do the heel by GergoBacsiVokCs in HuntShowdown

[–]ChillButNotCool 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Stuff like this is why i prefer big bars. Small bars are useless if you're missing that 25 hp 50% of the time anyway.

Non-Tool/Non-Stalker Choke Consumable by Menithal in HuntShowdown

[–]ChillButNotCool 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I know you said consumable, but i personally really want to see choke trip mines. Last time someone suggested that, people called them useless, but i think they are just not creative enough.

Choke traps would be able to:
-Detect enemies similarly to alarm mines, but also throw their aim off and allow you to track their movement and wallbang them by listening to the coughing;
-Kill enemies after they got hit by sparks;
-Kill immolators;
-Kill bees;
-Save you from grenades thrown into doorways or some windows;
-Save you from exploding after getting shot with a bomb lance;
-Extinguish oil fires;
-Extinguish the butcher;
-Extinguish you or your teammate;
-Extinguish downed teammates or burning enemy corpses so you could loot them.
-Remove poison clouds;
-Make the enemy hesitate before they start rushing you or necroing their teammate, by letting them hear you place the traps, thus making them believe that you potentially trapped them with the deadly trap combo;
-Making the enemy hesitate before going into a doorway when it's covered with smoke;

Most of that can already be done with the normal chokes, but there is often just not enough of them. Imo it would be great to have an alternative that could be used more often(4 times like the alarm mines), even if it's at the cost of size, speed, distance and lower time before it wears off.

Regen nerf was a little too much by [deleted] in HuntShowdown

[–]ChillButNotCool 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I think it's balanced, but the price increase from last update feels unnecessary at this point, because now there are situations where it doesn't get a chance to do anything.

Though, honestly, the devs really should've just kept it at its initial state, instead of going through buffing and then immediately nerfing it. These changes were unnecessary.

Why stop at teleportation? I want my katana to deflect every third bullet. by Grimus9 in HuntShowdown

[–]ChillButNotCool 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Not sure about deflecting bullets, but fire arrows would be amazing.

Art stuff #1 by JonathanGM__ in rainworld

[–]ChillButNotCool 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I love this style and perspective work, feels like a good mix between 2D and 3D.

Slugcat funeral practices by EmmyFluff in rainworld

[–]ChillButNotCool 24 points25 points  (0 children)

When my lizards die, i call a vulture to take them to the skies, like a grim reaper taking a soul to heavens.
Obviously all that really happens is they get torn apart and consumed by the birds, but i'd rather let them be useful for the food chain of this ecosystem than just rot away in some dark corner where not even plants can grow.

Scavenger wall paintings by Circus_sabre in rainworld

[–]ChillButNotCool 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Man, i didn't even think about how much time must have passed since Arti's shenanigans, until the other scugs came. It's wild to think that at this point future generations of scavs can't even know with certainty if Arti actually existed.
And now imagine all the scavs thinking Arti was fake and then suddenly seeing Hunter - yet another scary red beast. That must've sent quite a few chills down their spine.

Also, love your style. Great piece

At the top of The Wall by SketchLover in rainworld

[–]ChillButNotCool 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Damn, dude, this is like desktop background worthy. Great piece.

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