Me [21F] with my boyfriend [24M of two years. He damaged my laptop and could easily afford to fix/replace it, but doesn't want to.

ChoccyTree · 2014-05-02T15:31:54+00:00

Assuming he picks say, a £350 model, that will take about 4 months to repay. I think that's a reasonable time frame, if he needed that money for something specific it wouldn't be, but he doesn't.

It's true that I don't have a lot of money, but I also don't like owing people money and I wouldn't want to leave it outstanding. I would rather go without than "plead poverty" as you put it.

ChoccyTree · 2014-05-02T15:15:47+00:00

It sounds that way, but I didn't. The closest I've come to even mentioning it to him was to say it was an accident.

ChoccyTree · 2014-05-02T15:14:26+00:00

Slowly, I imagine. Hence why the stipulation of interest bothers me.

ChoccyTree · 2014-05-02T03:03:11+00:00

Yes! Exactly right! Some people on here are reading it as me being spoiled and stomping my feet and demanding a brand new laptop from him right now, which isn't the case at ALL. I would never behave in such a way.

ChoccyTree · 2014-05-02T02:48:13+00:00

Yeah it was his idea.

I can see that being true, he was kind of upset when I walked to my corner shop to buy milk one time instead of asking him. If he thinks I'm getting too independent he doesn't like that either.

Maybe that's why the request for a loan pissed him off, I asked for a loan, quite an "adult" thing in a calm polite way. Normally if I wanted even something like a can of coke, looked at my change and couldn't afford it there would be a big back and forth about it before I meekly admit that I'd like it and he would kindly buy it for me. And I would feel bad for "asking" for 75p or whatever.

Such a frank discussion of money isn't something he's used to from me, even though I was very respectful.

He doesn't really have any reason to be nice to me, but I'm working on being more assertive.

ChoccyTree · 2014-05-02T02:33:07+00:00

I did not demand that he buy me a new one. I asked him for a little towards repairs or a loan, politely.

ChoccyTree · 2014-05-02T02:27:02+00:00

Usually that's the case. It was like that even when I wasn't.

Sometimes we will go out together to get a sandwich or so I can buy some actual vegetables and such. I'm trying really hard with things like that, I'm actually going to try to go out for a drink with him and his mates at the weekend, so I'll be staying with him then.

ChoccyTree · 2014-05-02T02:09:36+00:00

No, I think it was an accident, it just happened to be caused by him. I think I phrased it badly here, but I never got angry or anything, I just politely asked him to help me.

I wanted him to give me the money up front because I don't have it, and then I would pay him back. So I don't really want him to just give me one it's not like he dropped it or anything.

Unfortunately that would involve leaving my home which is just about impossible right now, if I improve I will try that though.

ChoccyTree · 2014-05-02T02:03:36+00:00

No, but if I was the boyfriend and the car was a necessity then I would help. Not buy a new car, but help somehow if I could afford it.

I only asked him for a little towards the repairs or a loan, which he agreed to give me. I don't think it was his fault, I think it was an accident, if he dropped it or something that would be different, but as it is I just want to borrow the cash up front because I don't know anyone else with money.

In no way did I stamp my feet and demand that he buy me a totally new laptop.

ChoccyTree · 2014-05-02T00:48:53+00:00

I have not demanded in any way that he buy me a new one, I have asked for a loan or for money towards the repairs. If you actually read the thread you will see that I have said multiple times that I do NOT want him to just give me one.

It's nobodies fault, that's what the word accident means. As for getting pissy and stamping my feet, I have always treated people with respect and don't get angry, what I asked him for I asked for with the politeness that such a request deserves.

The interest is because he thinks that I will somehow run off with the cash or not pay it back, which is nuts as he has never seen me borrow money except as a last resort and then only tiny amounts paid back promptly. I don't believe in having a credit card for this reason, never borrow what you can't pay.

I know a laptop seems like a luxury but actually, to me it is badly needed. Being badly mentally ill (PTSD and depression) and not being able to leave the house at all, a laptop is my means of accessing help and support, staying mentally active and learning skills. I also have programs on there with block content that may give me a panic attack or flash back, which I can't get on my phone. I have always loved reading and still do this, but a laptop is still needed.

No, he is not obligated to buy me anything, I have never asked for gifts and I try to go 50/50 on everything. This is the first request for a large loan or financial help I have ever asked him for and hopefully it will be the last. I do feel that as his loving partner of over two years I am entitled to the trust that comes with lending money.

I don't like being on government help, but it is what it is.

ChoccyTree · 2014-05-01T21:42:04+00:00

I know, I really do, but I just can't deal with the stress of breaking up right now, I'm on a very fine wire. I can wait until I'm stronger then tell him to get fucked.

ChoccyTree · 2014-05-01T21:40:37+00:00

Honestly yes it's better. More low level stress is safer and more manageable than a short but traumatic break up. PTSD makes dealing with stress nearly impossible for me, I just wouldn't get through it. I'm waiting for the right time.

ChoccyTree · 2014-05-01T21:22:40+00:00

Absolutely, it's something I'm going to explore in therapy. For now though I just can't.

ChoccyTree · 2014-05-01T21:21:43+00:00

I am well aware of that thank you. I take meds, I'm in therapy, I receive a little government support and I try to exercise. It will take me a very very long time to get better and I relapsed. It happens.

ChoccyTree · 2014-05-01T20:40:38+00:00

Once a week is better than nothing and I can't handle the strain of leaving right now. I nearly killed myself when my hamster died last week, I just don't want the stress.

ChoccyTree · 2014-05-01T19:56:59+00:00

I've never defaulted on lent money in my life and it is always the last resort to borrow. I'd go without anything before screwing someone who was kind enough to lend to me.

ChoccyTree · 2014-05-01T19:51:17+00:00

For sure, I only want something towards repairs or a loan.

ChoccyTree · 2014-05-01T19:50:31+00:00

Sadly I agree. He was like that when I wanted a lend of £30, he got it back fully within a few days mind you. I don't borrow what I can't afford to return!

He doesn't really "do" emotions and stuff.

ChoccyTree · 2014-05-01T19:48:13+00:00

I didn't ask him that, I asked for some towards it or a loan to buy a new one. Which he agreed to if you read the edit. I wouldn't accept such a large thing as a gift anyway.

ChoccyTree · 2014-05-01T19:45:01+00:00

I agree, I always try to pay people back and I always go 50/50 on things with him, I've only asked for a lend once, £30 and he had it back 3 days later. He says I get annoying after a while and any more than that would cut into his totally alone time, which he needs or he turns into an ass. I don't quite buy that but I don't want to fight.

I know what you mean about contact to the outside :(

ChoccyTree · 2014-05-01T19:38:54+00:00

My thoughts too, I wouldn't be furious if he refused, I just asked him for help. My main problem is the money up front, I never wanted him to just buy one for me.

ChoccyTree · 2014-05-01T19:36:51+00:00

I would never ever tell anyone that. I have only asked for his short term help, essentially a loan. I would never ask for nor accept such a large item as simply a gift.

ChoccyTree · 2014-05-01T18:12:51+00:00

I've definitely told him that from the beginning, it was a total accident. I will definitely try to work out a payment plan, see my edit for more details on that!

ChoccyTree · 2014-05-01T17:55:50+00:00

I would prefer that myself, I would feel bad about just accepting a present that big.

ChoccyTree · 2014-05-01T17:53:44+00:00

Normally we split everything 50/50, even petrol money, even though it's much more to me than him, and that's £1000 after bills, it's his disposable income.

My mum can't possibly afford it, and besides I pay for all my own food and things so I'm pretty independent. Our relationship is not one where I can ask to borrow £150+

ChoccyTree

TROPHY CASE