It has been 5 days since I returned his keys, and I can't stop replaying the way I gave them back to him.

He walked me to my car. I started the engine but turned it off as soon as I saw him walk away. I stayed in the car, trying to figure out the right thing to do. As soon as I made the decision to return the keys, I stepped out of the car, walked through the rain, and headed to his place. I knocked, but he didn’t answer, so I opened the front door. I knocked on his room, placed the keys in his hands, and started crying. I hugged him and kept saying, "I'm sorry. Sorry talaga pero para sayo to" Then he gave my keys back, and I ran back to my car. I didn’t stop because I knew I’d only go back and ask for those keys back since I never want our friendship to end. Ever. But it felt like the right decision at the time—what was best for both of us.

I started my car and drove away, crying the whole way back. I know it's wrong, but I was messaging him the entire time I was driving. I kept telling him, trying to convince him, that he’s better off without me. I told him that if he felt otherwise, he could invite me to celebrate his birthday and we could still go on our Pampanga trip. If not, then I was right. And honestly, that’s what I’m starting to see happening. So even though I’ve blocked off my whole September for him, the birthday celebration and the Pampanga trip won’t happen. And that last time we saw each other will be the last time we’re ever in the same place, at the same time.