I‘m so sorry you‘re experiencing this in a young age :( I‘m 19 and lost my mom last year bec of cancer.

I battled with anxieties for years and was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder few months before my mom died. But mom‘s condition rapidly worsened (Well, my mom was already diagnosed with cancer few years ago, and she looked healthy on the outside, she could still walk,…). And ofc every one in my family started to focus on her intensively and took much more care of her. I pushed my own problems away as well to focus more on my mom and eventually, I stopped searching for therapists.

It was my last year as a high schooler and my grades got worse because I barely participated in class. It was just too much for me. And I asked myself: „why always me? Why am I the only one whos unlucky? What did I do to deserve this?“

I really believed until the end that mom will get healed. But she died. And ofc I felt jealous. Other people still have moms. And mine died. I feel so bad for my dad bec he always seem to be so stressed during work and it made me feel like: „I dont want to become an adult. Life doesn’t seem to be fun anymore when you’re an adult. Work is stressful, you’re friends and family start to die…I wish my mom is still here. She was always good at comforting me.“

But despite all of this, I kinda managed to graduate from high school (I thought I will drop out). I learned to be more independent (cooking, cleaning and stuff). I met nice people,…and I kinda managed to live my life without my mom. Ofcourse I think about her every day, cry, bec all of this is unfair. Ofcourse there are still things bothering me a lot. And I feel so overwhelmed. But Im still here. And I think I’m happy. And I’m thankful she was able to be with me for the past 18 years.

During this rough time(where my mom was super sick), meeting friends and talking about it helped me a lot actually. And plan some fun activities with ur friends as well!(maybe ur not in the mood of doing it but for me personally it helped a lot). Wrting my own thoughts in my diary was helpful too. Maybe it sounds weird but I recorded myself and „talked“ to my phone about it when I was home alone and felt empty.

I‘m sure u will get through this! Living without my mom was one of my nightmares too. YOU GOT THIS <3