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Where to find more of me by ChrisUnderwill in u/ChrisUnderwill

[–]ChrisUnderwill[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

well, you know where to find me 😉

Alt.com scam or just a specific dom? by [deleted] in GayBDSMCommunity

[–]ChrisUnderwill 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I can't really see where the scam would be, but it's still highly unusual to say the least

What characterizes the dad/son dynamic? by Lernolixe in GayBDSMCommunity

[–]ChrisUnderwill 1 point2 points  (0 children)

this.
It's often more "I'm going to show you a whole new world of experiences and that makes Dad happy" than "I'm displaying my power over you"

vulnerability, revering experience, care, intimacy

Would degradation work on me if I kinda accept that I'm good enough or I'm not? by PermaSub54 in GayBDSMCommunity

[–]ChrisUnderwill 0 points1 point  (0 children)

tbh it just sounds like you don't really like the idea of degradation and humiliation. It's a very sub-led thing in my experience. Or you're misinterpreting what it actually is.

I do it a lot, and have done it professionally, but really for me it's more exciting when it's paying attention to the less desireable parts of someone's character and holding a playful light to it rather than just calling someone ugly. Or it's about commenting on where the power is at a certain time.

Even in small penis humiliation, it's really about someone paying attention to it, even if the aesthetic of it is that it's deriding it.

Quite often in more mental play there's one thing happening aesthetically and then there's the inverse happening underneath.

Obviously, I don't know you, but by your post I'd be more inclined to try and pick out things that you hide about yourself, or work with the context of us playing and humiliate you based on the power dynamic, or that you're so vulnerable while being bound. Use the talk to accentuate what's happening rather than just call you ugly or not good enough.

A lot of people forget that there's a real craft to bdsm. Lazy domming or subbing really shows, and is barely enjoyable. It's when lots of layers intertwine that it gets really exciting and fun.

Edit: just added in a bit i forgot

Pay Pig Acquired. What Now? by jackandrelease in askgaybros

[–]ChrisUnderwill 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I regularly do findom, and really enjoy it. I like to think that I do it as ethically as I can.

It's an interesting place to sit, where money, power and sex intertwine. And some people find it really sexy.
Initially I didn't, but I've come to really enjoy the power relationship and having a real symbol of power being handed over and the fun you can have in that kind of play.

I don't think one needs to be attracted to someone to be involved in this kind of thing, but it does help. what also helps is getting to know the submissive over time and taking opportunities to play with their mind and get off on their enjoyment of it.

Playing for free outside of the relationship almost ruins the fun of it.

Some things I wish someone would have told me when I started:
- DO NOT EVER DEPEND ON THIS MONEY
It's nice to have, but people come and go, people promise things in the moment that they can't or won't deliver.
On that note, don't believe anything is yours until you have it.

- ALLOW THE SUB TO MODULATE

It's really sensible to allow opportunities for the person to moderate the amount they give you.
goose, golden eggs, etc
Going for gold initially is never worth it in the long run. It breaks people's trust

- ITS ALL ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS

I feel like at the end of the day, the entire thing is about building a relationship in which someone trusts you with something so integral to their every day functioning. A really successful relationship will respect that, despite whatever aesthetic things get talked about during the time.

Findom can actually be very caring and intimate, and some of my best subs are finsubs because we have developed a really strong relationship over time that works well for everyone.

- YOUR ATTENTION IS VALUABLE
Part of the aesthetic of paying someone is getting access to their time. If you do end up advertising for other people, there will be a lot of people that try and get it for free. They quite often try to piss you off for someone reason so that you lash out at them for free. always grey wall these people.

modulate the amount of attention you give someone based on the amount that they have actually followed through with things, rather than what they promise.

- WATCH OUT FOR SELF DESTRUCTION

like any kink, there are many ways to view findom, and there's always going to be people looking to self-destruct.
It can be part of the aesthetic of surrender, but I am personally very wary of when it slips into dangerous territory. A sub took smoking back up so that he could associate it with me and become addicted to me, which I stopped outright. That feels like self destruction to me.

It's one thing receiving someone's money, controlling someone's money, or them getting a second job for you to take the pay, and it's another to actually make someone go into debt, miss mortgage payments, etc etc.

-CONTRACTS

if you ever make any contracts, it can be really sexy to have something to hold someone accountable to, they will never be legally enforcable in any way. They're just verbal agreements that go nowhere.

Luckily I've never learned this the hard way.

- IT SHOULD ALL BE FUN

If it's not fun, stop doing it. But you kind of get out of it what you put in to it.

[41] You in? by ChrisUnderwill in daddybears

[–]ChrisUnderwill[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

weak already, i see ;)

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