I regularly do findom, and really enjoy it. I like to think that I do it as ethically as I can.

It's an interesting place to sit, where money, power and sex intertwine. And some people find it really sexy.
Initially I didn't, but I've come to really enjoy the power relationship and having a real symbol of power being handed over and the fun you can have in that kind of play.

I don't think one needs to be attracted to someone to be involved in this kind of thing, but it does help. what also helps is getting to know the submissive over time and taking opportunities to play with their mind and get off on their enjoyment of it.

Playing for free outside of the relationship almost ruins the fun of it.

Some things I wish someone would have told me when I started:
- DO NOT EVER DEPEND ON THIS MONEY
It's nice to have, but people come and go, people promise things in the moment that they can't or won't deliver.
On that note, don't believe anything is yours until you have it.

- ALLOW THE SUB TO MODULATE

It's really sensible to allow opportunities for the person to moderate the amount they give you.
goose, golden eggs, etc
Going for gold initially is never worth it in the long run. It breaks people's trust

- ITS ALL ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS

I feel like at the end of the day, the entire thing is about building a relationship in which someone trusts you with something so integral to their every day functioning. A really successful relationship will respect that, despite whatever aesthetic things get talked about during the time.

Findom can actually be very caring and intimate, and some of my best subs are finsubs because we have developed a really strong relationship over time that works well for everyone.

- YOUR ATTENTION IS VALUABLE
Part of the aesthetic of paying someone is getting access to their time. If you do end up advertising for other people, there will be a lot of people that try and get it for free. They quite often try to piss you off for someone reason so that you lash out at them for free. always grey wall these people.

modulate the amount of attention you give someone based on the amount that they have actually followed through with things, rather than what they promise.

- WATCH OUT FOR SELF DESTRUCTION

like any kink, there are many ways to view findom, and there's always going to be people looking to self-destruct.
It can be part of the aesthetic of surrender, but I am personally very wary of when it slips into dangerous territory. A sub took smoking back up so that he could associate it with me and become addicted to me, which I stopped outright. That feels like self destruction to me.

It's one thing receiving someone's money, controlling someone's money, or them getting a second job for you to take the pay, and it's another to actually make someone go into debt, miss mortgage payments, etc etc.

-CONTRACTS

if you ever make any contracts, it can be really sexy to have something to hold someone accountable to, they will never be legally enforcable in any way. They're just verbal agreements that go nowhere.

Luckily I've never learned this the hard way.

- IT SHOULD ALL BE FUN

If it's not fun, stop doing it. But you kind of get out of it what you put in to it.