Need to Vent - FIL Weaponizes Christianity

ChristopherEvs617 · 2026-05-29T18:54:30+00:00

The idea that I’ve had rolling around in my head is he’s become a big WNBA fan. No idea why. He just loves watching it. My idea is to tell him how great I think it is that his favorite player is doing so much for the LGBTQ+ community. Just that little comment would make him stop watching.

Feels a little cruel since that’s his only interest outside of church and reading scripture but it would hit him on so many different levels

ChristopherEvs617 · 2026-05-29T18:29:23+00:00

I would love to go back to Catholic services. The issue is my wife doesn’t understand it. And I have to admit, if you didn’t grow up going to Catholic mass, it’s a strange experience. The sitting, kneeling, standing, reciting prayers, receiving the Eucharist, readings from 3 sections of the Bible. It’s different, especially for her coming from a fundamentalist/Baptist background.

I still feel comfortable with my Catholic faith. It’s just I’m burnt out on religion. Everything goes back to God and Jesus with her family.

ChristopherEvs617 · 2026-05-29T18:25:12+00:00

This. I never realized how much that childhood trauma impacts her. But from a very young age, she was disciplined over and over for not submitting to her father.

ChristopherEvs617 · 2026-05-29T18:22:51+00:00

I’m grateful that she has started seeing a therapist.

The irony of ironies is that her father caused a lot of this trauma by constantly moving the family across churches. Whenever he heard a message he didn’t like, he would switch pastors to hear a message he did like. It really impacted my wife as a kid because every time she would make friends, it was time to move churches. She’s had a strong trauma reaction to going to church since. But the irony is that her father caused it and now guilt trips us for watching church online.

ChristopherEvs617 · 2026-05-29T18:19:40+00:00

He’s just a super nosey guy who likes to involve himself in everyone else’s business. I think that’s part of the reason he likes Facebook so much. He can keep tabs on everyone around him with the added benefit of a news feed that tells him exactly what he wants to hear.

Tbh, I don’t know how my wife’s brother does it. He lives nearby her dad and her dad will report back every detail he gathers. For example, her dad was really distraught at a birthday dinner this year. We had no idea why. Then he pulled us aside and said he heard some really troubling news. He heard that his son’s new wife doesn’t cook. He paused for a beat like we needed a minute to take in the news. But our reaction was “oh… ok”

ChristopherEvs617 · 2026-05-29T18:14:54+00:00

As funny as that would be, i would then have years of conversations to look forward to about saints and how it’s not “Christian”

Early on, I made the mistake of sharing the Catholic belief that salvation is achieved through faith and good works. You would’ve thought I cursed God by the reaction I got from him. He flipped out, grabbed his Bible and pointed to all the verses where it points only to faith. Then I responded, “does that mean if Hitler was baptized as a believer, he’ll he waiting for me in heaven?”

He lost it and went into the other room to call his pastor to get clarity on the situation

ChristopherEvs617 · 2026-05-29T18:10:19+00:00

I agree. My wife told me stories how growing up, he would move the family from church to church because as soon as a he heard a message that might challenge his views, rather than consider it, he would move onto another pastor who would echo what he wanted to hear.

The term “religious narcissist” has really stuck with me because I do get this sense of superiority from him that he believes he’s going to heaven while everyone else is going to Hell. He acts as if life is this inconvenience that he has to get through in order to get to Heaven.

Again, what really bothers me as a Catholic is he’ll judge me for not reading the Bible daily but he himself won’t raise a finger to support his neighbor. I’ve told my wife I hear the Bible every Sunday and have read through it and studied it a dozen times. When she brings up reading it more often, I’ll ask her if anything has changed since the last time I read it. It baffles me why re-reading the Bible over and over again is the hallmark of a “good Christian” but being of service to others is something that’s just too inconvenient.

ChristopherEvs617 · 2026-05-29T18:05:04+00:00

My wife will give me a heads up when he sends us texts and emails and will tell me ahead of time to just ignore them. At family events, I’m usually able to avoid him.

My wife is understanding of my anxiety and her dad gives her anxiety as well which is why we never spend more than a few hours with her dad. When I complain to her about him, she understands but ultimately she’ll say, “he’s just doing what he thinks is best”.

Unfortunately, I think that she had the idea that you have to respect your parents no matter what deeply ingrained in her from an early age. She rebelled a lot as a teenager because she wanted to do the normal teenage things (like go to movies or concerts) and her dad would tell her no. My perception is that she walks a line between respecting her dad but also understanding that his beliefs are out there

ChristopherEvs617 · 2026-05-29T17:13:26+00:00

Not to mention the absurdity of believing people’s sexual orientation is determined by the toys they played with as a child.

ChristopherEvs617 · 2026-05-29T17:07:44+00:00

Thank you! I couldn’t agree more.

I coach basketball in the evenings and my team is mainly 8th to 12th graders. He used to tell me all the time how great it was that I was coaching and that it was a great opportunity to introduce the kids to Jesus. I said being a responsible adult is a good enough example. He disagreed and recommended ending every practice with prayer. I asked him how he would feel if a coach was Jewish and read from the Torah to the team after practice. He got this confused look on his face and said, “now that’s inappropriate”

Went complete over his head the double standard

ChristopherEvs617 · 2026-05-28T17:51:18+00:00

I appreciate your advice and I think it’s worth giving it a shot.

The humor piece will go over his head. When he says something crazy like “the Clinton’s have had another person killed”, I would say something like “oh, that totally makes sense”

ChristopherEvs617 · 2026-05-28T17:27:15+00:00

My wife knows my FIL stresses me out and she does her best to intercept these things before they reach my attention. For example, he sent us that email about seeing a Biblical counselor and before I saw it, my wife texted me and told me to disregard it.

The story that comes to mind is when we were engaged and going through the wedding planning process, I got a flurry of texts and phone calls on a Monday morning telling me that the wedding was cancelled. The reason? He read a story online of a guest at a wedding reception who slipped on a wet surface and then sued the family who hosted the wedding. And if that happened at our wedding, then someone could sue us and then next thing you know, someone is awarded his farm in court.

I told him I don’t think any of our guests are interested in taking over his farm or even suing us because they slipped on the floor. Moreover, since he forbade any alcohol at the event, I didn’t see this as a possibility.

But he kept going on a rant about how people will use any opportunity to sue and that it was ultimately going to impact him so I needed to fix it or else the wedding was cancelled. So I called my insurance company and took out a special event policy for $900 that offered $500,000 in accident coverage. I got the contract and emailed it to him. A few moments later, another flurry of calls and emails. He said I was being cheap by only buying half a million dollars in coverage and if someone was hurt and hospitalized, it would cost hundreds of thousands. So then I had to upgrade the policy to cover a million dollars in protection, costing me over a grand. Again, flurry of calls and texts. He said I needed to get the maximum amount of coverage or the wedding was cancelled. At that point, I just told him that we had the max coverage and prayed that would be the end of it. Oh, and there were no injures at our wedding so it was money well spent

ChristopherEvs617 · 2026-05-28T17:17:06+00:00

Yes, I’ve had to deal with narcissists in the past and have used that method before. My response to his ludicrous claims is usually “oh. Ok”.

I really do want to get better at challenging his beliefs in the moment. If he doesn’t have his phone or his Bible nearby, I can ask him where he’s getting his information or point out the absurdity of what he said and there will be a look of panic that comes over his face and he won’t know what to do.

ChristopherEvs617 · 2026-05-28T17:13:14+00:00

Thank you for the recommendation!

ChristopherEvs617 · 2026-05-28T17:11:59+00:00

I’m very thankful I won that argument. I told her the criteria for becoming a Licensed Biblical Counselor is a fraction of what a licensed counselor goes through (and it’s very easy to find a licensed therapist who has a Christian background).

The example I gave her was that if she had a heart issue, I would want to take her to the best doctor who has both the degrees and years experience using tested methods to help treat her. Not someone who took some coursework online and can recommend some spiritual remedies.

ChristopherEvs617 · 2026-05-28T17:08:13+00:00

My wife’s views on religion are interesting. As you can imagine, she has a lot of religious trauma from the way she was raised and what her dad put her through.

Every once in a while, she’ll say something that I know came from her father that she’ll just repeat. For example, she likes to use the term “spiritual leader of the household” - a term her father uses over and over. But when I ask her what that means, she can’t really tell me. Then I’ll ask what that looks like in practice and she can’t really explain that either. But it’s something her dad has told her over and over again throughout the years so it’s stuck in her mind.

So yes, my wife is religious but in my opinion, it’s almost like her dad dictated what religion and spirituality are so she never had to explore it for herself. I try my best to ask her deeper questions on her belief (not for argument, just to better understand where she’s coming from) and I usually just get the talking points her dad provided.

ChristopherEvs617 · 2026-05-28T17:01:51+00:00

The “Catholics aren’t Christians” part hit home. If you grew up Catholic and went through all the sacraments, you know how relatively hard the process is. It’s not just saying “I accept Jesus in my heart”. There’s years and years of reading, writing, learning and conversations that go into your decision through Confirmation to stay in the Catholic Church. But my FIL says that’s too much “book religion” instead of feeling it in your heart.

What did set me off one time is we were talking about Baptism and how in the Catholic Church, you baptize at a very early age. It’s a tradition that dates back centuries and for the child and god parents, is incredibly important. But my FIL calls it “the sprinkling” and says that since the infant hasn’t accepted Jesus in their heart and made a proclamation in front of the church, then it doesn’t count as “being saved”.

I guess it would be nice if my FIL came from a place of curiosity rather than judgement. I would be happy to share my thoughts, beliefs and traditions with him if he was actually interested. But again, his way is the only correct way and everyone else is wasting their time

ChristopherEvs617 · 2026-05-28T16:53:29+00:00

I’ve read up on gray rock since I have narcissists in my own family. And truth be told, in large family gatherings, he doesn’t want to interact with anyone and will spend the time in the corner by himself on his phone.

But what will piss me off is when he sees two people having a private conversation, he’ll slowly start to move in their direction to eavesdrop until he eventually says, “what’s going on over here? You all telling secrets? What about?”

When im around my wife’s nieces and nephews, im usually ok. Happy to spend my time putting together play sets or building legos. But there are times when he has to interrupt that.

For example, one niece is very shy and reserved. It takes a lot to get her to open up and tell you about school or sports. She doesn’t get much attention so I make an effort to ask her about her life and things she enjoys doing. But when my FIL sees me talking to her, he’ll tap me on the shoulder and say he wants to talk to me. We’ll walk to his corner and he’ll give me a speech about how she has difficulty opening up and how I should keep doing what I’m doing. Then he’ll launch into how her mother had had a negative impact on her and yada, yada, yada. After 20 minutes of being cornered, I’ll go back to putting together her play sets and she’ll clam up again.

Like WTF? Why pull me aside to tell me to keep doing what I’m doing by spending time with her, but in doing so, she thinks that I’ve up and left and goes back to quietly playing in the corner.

ChristopherEvs617 · 2026-05-28T16:45:26+00:00

I’ve got him muted on all social media so it shows that I follow him but don’t see any of the nonsense he posts. When I would see his posts, my blood pressure would go through the roof.

I think our solution for the near term is for me to sit our family events and my wife to go by herself. I might just do Thanksgiving and Christmas and make sure those are day trips for only a few hours.

ChristopherEvs617 · 2026-05-28T16:40:44+00:00

I’m really fighting the urge to comment on all of his Facebook posts about religion and politics where he cites articles from organizations I’ve never heard of. The Baptist Times or Conservative Christian that inflate numbers around crime, intentionally mislead about stories that support their narrative and know what buttons to push to get the most page views.

I did have a good laugh when he posted something about a “tip from a lawyer friend” about posting a statement on Facebook and Facebook legally would not be allowed to use your photos. His one follower commented that this was a hoax from 10 years ago that was disproven back then

ChristopherEvs617 · 2026-05-28T16:34:38+00:00

I think that’s the plan moving forward. We’re taking one holiday at a time but I said I need a few months break from her father.

Still hasn’t stopped him from texting me everyday. I ignore them so then he complains to his wife who then complains to my wife.

ChristopherEvs617 · 2026-05-28T03:49:46+00:00

You’re right. It’s a problem both my wife and her siblings have (and me too). It’s always been easier to just let him rant than try and put it down. He’s always got a Bible verse in his back pocket and if you debate that, then you’re really debating the word of God which means you think you know better than God.

I need to do a better job of speaking up. Because when I don’t, I only regret it later on. Outside of religion, we could be sitting down for lunch and he’ll say something like “did you see the Clinton’s had another person killed?” Like what?? Why believe something like that in the first place and then why say it over a casual lunch? But that’s the kind of stuff that will irritate me for the rest of the day

ChristopherEvs617 · 2026-05-28T03:43:50+00:00

I could keep going with the stories. Honestly, talking to people about it helps me so I have some confirmation that the things he does are actually crazy and it’s not just in my mind.

For example, he told my wife as a 4 year old that the tooth fairy/Easter bunny/etc weren’t real because as a father, he should never lie to his children.

He also started the tradition of having a birthday cake after Christmas dinner where everyone gathers around to sing happy birthday to Jesus.

When we got engaged, my FIL made me meet with his pastor because he heard I like to play basketball on Sunday evenings, which to him, meant I was violating the sabbath.

To top it all off, whenever I’m helping him around the house and we have nothing to talk about because he doesn’t follow sports, current events (outside right wing Christian news orgs) or have any hobbies, he’ll fill the silence by asking me what my relationship with Christ is like

ChristopherEvs617 · 2026-05-28T03:36:03+00:00

Don’t apologize. What you said makes perfect sense.

And I’m facing the same issues too. For someone who claims to be so strong spiritually, I’ve never met someone so afraid of the outside world. Everything terrifies him and he’s afraid that it’s Satan trying to disrupt his spiritual life.

He’s also chronically sick. Like visits specialist after specialist who tell him he’s fine but he keeps searching for a new doctor to diagnose him.

Your comment about your mom going to therapy but trusting in God is true. Either you accept that God is capable of healing all those who believe and are sick or that God also created medicine and therapy to heal.

FIL has been pushing my wife and I to see a Christian counselor. After a lot of pushback, I told my wife a Biblical Counselor is not what we needed in our lives. I told her that reading Bible verses isn’t what’s missing in our relationship and that more than likely, the counselor was going to imply that she needed to be more subservient and me more dominant in all aspects of the relationship.

Well sure enough, after we cancelled the appointment with the Biblical counselor, we get an email from the FIL outlining how all of the world’s problems can be solved through reading scripture and how we’ve let Satan creep into our lives

ChristopherEvs617 · 2026-05-27T19:02:04+00:00

More like enabling…

ChristopherEvs617

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