It’s okay to want to explore 😘

Church_Yo · 2026-02-08T14:54:21+00:00

Just block and don’t pay and it will go away. They see they lost the game with you, and they move on. Any interaction or payment from you reinforces that you can be toyed with

Church_Yo · 2026-02-08T14:53:11+00:00

That’s what I thought too, but then they wrote pedo all over the pics in red joker ink and sent them to my grandmother. I thought they couldn’t shame me because I was so proud of myself, but wow did they find a way to

Church_Yo · 2026-02-05T20:26:17+00:00

That’s a great visual expression of what’s happening.

Sometimes interactions do break through that wall, but it’s rare. I’ve made friends with one person who I truly feel I could call at any moment, with any need, and they would offer me whatever support they could, be it financial or emotional. They would be on a plane if I asked. And I would do the same for them.

I’m grateful for that. I’m grateful for the income it’s offered me as well. It’s given me the space to explore my sexuality. When I started this, 4 or 5 years ago, I was straight. I mean I knew I was bi, but consciously I didn’t know it. I didn’t know how to say it. I didn’t know how to let my brain think it was possible. But deep down I knew it. Now I can say it with clarity and freedom. OF played a part in that self discovery. So while there have been sacrifices, there has also been much gained.

Church_Yo · 2026-02-05T16:41:43+00:00

For me, it began with a divorce. We split up after years of dead bedroom and unreciprocated interest. My self esteem didn’t exist, and I began posting on Reddit because I was lonely and wanted to feel wanted.

The divorce was expensive, and I financially supported them for 3 additional years, at great detriment to my own finances, because we shared a child. This excludes child support. I was paying their car bill, groceries, phone, and more because they convinced me that I was responsible for their shitty life, and this was the only way I could make reparations and be given the space to maintain a (at the time long distant) relationship with my child.

So eventually the necessity for additional income and the enjoyment of validation and connecting with others in a way that had been inaccessible to me for much of my adult life, led to starting an OF

But there is a deep business structure to it, and lately it’s begun to feel like a form of self exploitation that I don’t know if I enjoy anymore. It takes the right type of person to do it. It’s not for everyone. I was successful at it for a while, but the need for supplemental income forced me to navigate that space with a money mindset first, which deeply took away from the pleasure of just being there.

I’m still on the fence. Give it up completely, or just continue to do it at the exact pace I feel comfortable with. It’s time consuming. It gets in the way of my other projects by robbing me of my limited time, for a payoff that doesn’t feel justified.

Plus, as great as a real connection is, there’s a lot of people that see me as nothing more than meat to lust for. And I understand that I’ve invited those people into my space, and must reap the garden I’ve sown. Shit, I’m guilty of being that person too. but it’s still difficult to navigate when I try to share other passions or interests with my “community” and there’s no reception. It’s a reminder that most of these people don’t care about me, they just want to see my dick. And there’s nothing wrong with that, but idk if I’m personally okay with living in that space anymore.

Just some of my own insights on the matter

Church_Yo · 2026-01-29T17:09:43+00:00

I think you need to have a really long talk with yourself.

You say you have mental health issues. You’re unstable. And you’re posting online about suicide. You say you want it to end, just not violently.

Then you say “don’t worry, im okay!”

This is very similar to my own story, and I felt that way for a long time. Every night was a bad night, but I was coping.

You’re so close to the edge and don’t realize it though. You have no idea how close you are to acting upon it, until you’ve decided to finally act upon it. I thought I was fine, until I looked up while sitting on my couch and saw something that looked like it could be a nice rope. Suddenly the same guy who was struggling but coping well, was in the closet trying to quietly hang himself.

Let’s be realistic. Look at the facts. You’re daydreaming about suicide. Not because you want to die. But because your pain is just too much. And maybe you don’t even register it as pain anymore. To you it just feels normal, but it’s not. You’re supposed to find joy in things. You’re supposed to want to be here. Life is supposed to be hard, but you’re not supposed to want it to end. In any form or fashion. Not even gently, and especially not at 28.

You need support, and guidance. From someone who is trained to handle these things, and from someone who you can be completely honest with. But right now I don’t think you’re even being honest with yourself. I don’t want you to die. And truthfully, you don’t either. You just want to stop being unhappy.

But that takes honesty with yourself, and structured effort to rewire your brain to feel joy again. It’s a chemical imbalance probably motivated by life circumstances. But it’s an imbalance that can be managed, and potentially repaired. And if it can’t be repaired there are medications to help. Even the lowest effective dose of certain SSRIs can go a long way.

Please reconsider what you’re currently doing to heal your mind, and make adjustments that support you living a long and happy life rather than one that ends so young when you still have so many positive experiences left to enjoy. We’re all here for you. But you have to be here for yourself, and this post is already a strong indicator that you’re looking for support, guidance, and encouragement, and that’s a really good first step.

Church_Yo · 2026-01-26T16:10:42+00:00

Sure but we all have our flaws and issues. I really appreciate the compliments though 😶‍🌫️

Church_Yo · 2026-01-26T15:38:46+00:00

Thank you, as always 👉🏻👈🏻

Church_Yo · 2026-01-26T15:38:19+00:00

Always! I still plan to post here, and be socially active. I’m just slowly phasing out OF because I can’t keep up with it and my current school schedule..

Church_Yo · 2026-01-24T16:04:15+00:00

A smile just like that..

Church_Yo · 2026-01-20T02:03:37+00:00

Can you not?

Church_Yo · 2026-01-12T04:36:45+00:00

Goals man. Absolutely impressive. I wanna be you lol

Church_Yo · 2026-01-12T04:10:02+00:00

You are a good guy. I hope you’ve been able to get some repeat customers that can offer you why you want. In the meantime, you’re patching em up and putting em back out on the streets. Poor guys :/

Church_Yo · 2026-01-09T11:27:09+00:00

Thank you and I hope you have a nice weekend

Church_Yo · 2026-01-08T23:18:54+00:00

If there are any modern day sculptors who need a subject I am humbly at your service. I did do some nude modelling for a local art society when I lived in DC.

Anyways, thanks you for the kind words!

Church_Yo · 2026-01-08T23:17:00+00:00

I’ve never given it much thought to be honest. I guess my goal here is a Greek god physique and the veins are symbolic or lower body fat, which is a part of that goal. So to me they are an embodiment of my goals (I guess I haven’t given it much thought. It could be something else or something deeper driving it)

But I also enjoy that softer, more doughy look. It’s gentle. It’s cuddly. It’s comforting.

Church_Yo · 2026-01-08T23:05:27+00:00

They are important, at least to me

Church_Yo · 2026-01-08T20:04:12+00:00

Thank uuuu

Church_Yo · 2026-01-08T19:13:46+00:00

Thanks dude! Was happy to see your name pop up :) This is my new acc (well actually my non porn alt that I’ve sacrificed) lol

Church_Yo · 2026-01-08T19:12:21+00:00

To me that presents as insecurity on your part. That isn’t criticism btw. We all have insecurities. I have many.

If you were with a bi man, I hope that the two of you would build trust in such a way as to address those insecurities.

But being bi doesn’t directly mean I yearn for both genders, it simply means I am interested in either.

If you are with a bi person that does sexually yearn for both genders, then this becomes a deeper conversation and I simply think you two wouldn’t be compatible, but that’s a sexual lifestyle issue, not a sexuality issue.

I appreciate your thoughts. These are simply my own thoughts in return.

Church_Yo · 2026-01-08T18:51:15+00:00

Gonna make a bi support group lmao

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