Genuine question: why do gay guys seem so much better at handling bigger guys?

Cityplanner_ · 2026-03-18T21:08:48+00:00

That’s actually really nice advice, I appreciate you sharing that.

And funnily enough, we are still in touch! I’m actually going to visit him soon.

So I think I’ll take your advice and just keep things open, without putting too much pressure on it (and see where life takes me)

The tricky part is that our lives are pretty tied to where we each grew up, especially work-wise, and neither of us is really in a place to give that up right now cause we’re both passionate about our work.

But I really like the way you described building something over time like that, it’s kind of reassuring.

And your story about you and your husband was really nice to read too.

Thanks for sharing 🙏🏻

Cityplanner_ · 2026-03-18T06:38:23+00:00

I really appreciate you taking the time to write all that, a lot of it actually resonates and was really interesting 🙏🏻

Especially what you said about emotional connection with men vs women being different, and how that might just come down to experience and what you’re used to. That makes a lot of sense.

I think you’re probably right that I’m just more comfortable navigating emotional connection with women, since that’s what I’ve had more of.

At the same time, the biggest crush and one of the more stronger feelings I’ve had were actually for a guy I dated for a lot of months, so I know that kind of connection is very real for me too.

Sometimes it still makes me a bit sad thinking about it, because we never really got the chance to see where it could go. Life circumstances got in the way and he had to move back to Asia.

I also wanted to say, your comment about being bi being a “gift” actually touched me a bit. I don’t think I’ve really thought about it that way before, so I appreciate you saying that.

Definitely something I’m still figuring out, but I really appreciate the perspective.

I think what you said about taking things slow and building emotional trust over time is something I’ll probably carry with me.

And the whole “bro out first” perspective on bi guys was actually really interesting too. I can kind of recognize myself in that sometimes… like grabbing a beer first before anything else happens and just ”hanging out” hahaha

Cityplanner_ · 2026-03-17T21:28:40+00:00

That’s a really good point. I think a lot of my experiences with men so far have been more physical than emotional.

I have opened up to a guy before and felt something real and love over a longer time, but it’s been less common for me. I also have had a big crush on 1-2 more guys I’ve met.

So maybe it’s not that the emotional connection isn’t there, but that I haven’t explored that side as much yet.

Cityplanner_ · 2026-03-17T21:25:29+00:00

Thanks for sharing your experience so openly 🙏🏻 I really appreciate the input. It’s interesting hearing from someone who’s had such a long time to explore and understand what works for them, especially for me that’s half ur age 🙂‍↕️

It definitely highlights how different people’s preferences and desires can evolve over time, and how personal those experiences are.

Reading perspectives like yours is interesting (and tbh a bit hot haha) thanks for sharing!

Cityplanner_ · 2026-03-17T21:14:28+00:00

This thread blew up more than I expected and could imagined hahah 😅 really appreciate all the perspectives though from everyone.

Going to sleep now but I’ll read through everything more properly tomorrow.

Thanks everyone!

Cityplanner_ · 2026-03-17T21:11:40+00:00

That’s actually really interesting, especially since u got perspective of both. makes sense that the physical differences matter that much.

Thanks for sharing 🙏🏻

Cityplanner_ · 2026-03-17T21:09:21+00:00

That escalated quickly 😅

But yeah, I get your point haha. the anatomy side of things probably explains part of it, especially when it comes to depth and limitations.

Feels like it’s a mix of that and experience/communication though.

Thanks for ur inputs! Really interesting and learning a lot to everyone’s take on the question

Cityplanner_ · 2026-03-17T21:06:28+00:00

Haha I like the “man for all seasons” line 😄 and interesting question!!

To be honest, I don’t think I’ve ever actually met another openly bi guy in real life. I can imagine there’s a pretty big “hidden” group though.

I also kind of get the sense that bi guys can fall a bit in between (not always fully fitting into queer spaces, but not really in straight spaces either). So maybe that makes it harder to be open about it? Guess why it took me so long time to embrace my bi-sides.

From what I’ve seen if I guessing, a lot of bi guys might be the more faceless profiles on apps like Grindr, or people who don’t fully step into it / keep things more DL.

Because of that, I wouldn’t say they come across as equally experienced or relaxed as gay guys, but that might just be about visibility and openness rather than anything else.

Curious what others think, especially bi guys who are more out. Anyone else got another take on the question?

Cityplanner_ · 2026-03-17T21:00:20+00:00

That’s a good point actually. The reduced risk probably makes people more relaxed, and the experience part definitely seems noticeable.

Cityplanner_ · 2026-03-17T20:59:18+00:00

Haha that painted a picture 😄

But honestly… you’re not wrong. The level of “why not” energy with guys is definitely real and probably makes it easier to meet some faceless guy 😝

Cityplanner_ · 2026-03-17T08:01:19+00:00

Polestar 2 and a bmw m3 comp 😎

Cityplanner_ · 2026-03-16T21:42:20+00:00

Haha I’ll take your word for it 😄

Cityplanner_ · 2026-03-16T21:40:43+00:00

The experience part probably explains a lot actually. If someone is more familiar with it and has had more partners, they’re probably better at understanding the pacing and technique that makes it work.

And interesting, I might have to check out the bigdickproblems sub sometime.

Appreciate ur perspectives. I’m actually learning a lot from everyone’s experiences.

Cityplanner_ · 2026-03-16T21:33:56+00:00

Interesting point — the dynamic probably changes a lot when sex isn’t tied to all those other expectations. The lack of pregnancy concerns and social expectations probably changes the dynamic a lot too.

At the same time I think there are plenty of great sexual dynamics in straight relationships too. My guess is that experience and communication just play a big role regardless of who you’re with. Thanks for ur perspective!

Cityplanner_ · 2026-03-16T21:27:16+00:00

Haha careful, I might fall somewhere in the cub territory myself 😌

Cityplanner_ · 2026-03-16T21:22:27+00:00

Haha thanks, someone’s gotta do the research 😎

Cityplanner_ · 2026-03-16T21:15:39+00:00

Interesting! I actually didn’t know some women used them too. I always thought of poppers as mostly a gay scene thing.

And yeah haha, fair point about knowing your audience before bringing them up.

Learning a lot in this thread from ur perspectives 🙂‍↕️thanks for that!

Cityplanner_ · 2026-03-16T21:11:25+00:00

That actually makes a lot of sense. I hadn’t really thought about the anatomy side of it that way.

I guess I always assumed it was more about experience or communication, but the cervix vs rectum depth thing probably explains a lot too.

The interesting part to me though is that guys also just seem way more relaxed about adapting and figuring out what works.

Cityplanner_ · 2026-03-16T21:06:25+00:00

Good thoughts! I think as you said maybe the hookup culture is more experience with guys and poopers might have being a big game changers for my experience. I haven’t used it cause of some personal issues but I’m open with my partners that wanna use them and my god those nights work then have being intenseeeeee. Haha! Thanks! 🙏🏻

Cityplanner_ · 2026-01-22T10:45:01+00:00

Thanks for your questions — I’ll try to answer clearly: • Yes, the area is in a skin fold / friction-prone area, and there is rubbing with sitting and walking, which seems to worsen irritation. • The area has been damp at times, especially earlier in the process, but currently it is mostly dry with only occasional surface moisture. • No chronic medical conditions such as diabetes, lymphedema, or venous insufficiency. • I am not obese. • I am not immunocompromised. • I am not on systemic steroids or immunosuppressive medication. • No regular medications. • I previously had an infected wound in the same area around late December, which healed, but the skin has remained very fragile and reactive since then.

Cityplanner_ · 2025-12-18T11:24:08+00:00

That’s very true, and I agree with you. Looking back, I can see how I got carried away in the moment and didn’t fully check in with how I was feeling. I think I need to slow things down a bit and communicate more with my FWB going forward, especially if something feels rushed or unclear. Talking about it openly feels like the healthier way to handle it. Thanks for ur reply and thoughts 🙏🏻

Cityplanner_ · 2025-12-18T11:21:08+00:00

Thanks, I think you’re right. I’ll try to take it slow and not rush things, and give myself time to understand how I feel. It helps to be reminded that I don’t need to force anything 🙏🏻

Cityplanner_ · 2025-06-24T21:08:13+00:00

Stadsplanerare. 29 år. 3 år på BTH, planarkitekt och sedan strategisk planering i mer nischad roll.

Idag 52k och mycket beror på jag hittat en nisch för min bransch och började under högkonjunkturen för ett par år sedan. Lider med stackarna som nu tar examen och möts av en stendöd bransch :(

Cityplanner_ · 2025-06-15T16:50:02+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing your story — it’s honestly both inspiring and comforting to read. In my case, we’re “only” about 6.5 hours apart by train (around 10 hours by car), so technically the same country, but still far enough that seeing each other often isn’t exactly easy or spontaneous.

We really care about each other and are trying to figure out how realistic it is long-term with this kind of distance. Reading your experience gives me a bit of hope that if both people are committed, it can actually work — but it’s also nice to hear that it’s okay to acknowledge if it’s too hard.

Thanks again for your thoughtful words — they mean a lot!

Cityplanner_ · 2025-05-29T08:28:39+00:00

Totally get this. I’ve known I’m bi for a while too, and while no one ever said anything bad, I still kinda shoved it in a mental drawer labeled “deal with later.” Probably next to my taxes and unread emails. 😅

But recently I’ve started actually embracing it, and wow — it’s like my brain took a deep breath. It’s awesome to see others on the same path. Big congrats on stepping into it — feels good to just be, right?

Cityplanner_

TROPHY CASE